Kat268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P5r7Re5ha
May 21, 2005
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I love seeing Ben like this.
So carefree. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsi7U6KYUr
So happy.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXWbElHArE
So very weird.
This is the real him, the one he hides away.
Sometimes, when he thinks nobody's looking, his mask drops. In those moments, I can see the face of a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
It breaks my heart.
Every day he pretends to be someone he's not and every day I think he loses a little piece of himself.
But right now, in this moment, he is purely Joseph Bentley Alexander.
He's not hiding his identity.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyo5VE5nam
He's not the billionaire's son. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCH6QmLgZ9l
He's not the heir to the AME kingdom.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQsucerAbs
He's not even the playboy.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOM8fY6E2F
He's just living in this moment.
Which makes what I'm about to do even harder.
He takes one look at my face and his laughter stops. "What's wrong, Beautiful?"
"Ben, I don't know if I can do this." The words sting as they leave my mouth.
"Do what?" His demeanor has completely changed. I can tell he's worried about me, which makes me feel even worse.
"Us. A relationship." His concern is quickly replaced by irritation.
"But you just said-" I cut him off before he can throw my words back in my face.
"I know and I meant every word, but..." I can't bring myself to finish the sentence.
"But what?" His voice is rough and he's moved into a defensive stance, with his legs parted and his arms crossed over his chest.
"It's just difficult to wrap my head around this, you know?" He doesn't move a muscle, he just continues to stare at me.
"Okay... Less than an hour ago, I thought this was a prank." He scoffs, but doesn't say anything. "Or at the very least, an elaborate ploy to get into my pants."
"You aren't wearing pants." His mood lightens slightly, he's clearly proud of his lame joke.
"Ben, seriously." I cross my arms over my chest, watching his eyes dart down briefly, just like they always do. "I can't just go from that to being in a relationship with you."
He steps forward, tucking my hair behind my ear. His eyes leave my face for a second to watch the strand spring free again. I could have told him that wouldn't work.
His face is determined, but his voice is soft. "I'm not letting you push me away, darlin'."
"I'm not. I guess I just need proof that there's really something more." I look at the floor, hoping he doesn't push back too hard.
"Okay... I can do that." I blow out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding, but my relief is short lived. "What will it take?"
"I don't know..." He huffs, annoyed with my non-answer. "But I think we should take the break to make sure it's what you want."
His eyes widen. I guess he wasn't expecting that. "Seriously?"
"I need this, Ben." I wrap my arms around myself, resisting the urge to reach out to him. "I need to know that you are serious."
"Okay." He lets out a breath. "I don't like it, but I will do whatever it takes."
"If you don't want to wait, I would understand." I want to give him a chance to say no. There's no reason for him to wait if he's not really interested in me.
"I will do anything for you, even wait because of a ridiculous reason." He's slowly getting back to playful Ben.
I roll my eyes. "Jeez. Tell me how you really feel."
"I feel like I don't want to wait any longer." He smirks, causing my heart to beat out of control.
Pitter, patter.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfXbd62fmQ
And just like that, I can't wait for the next school year to start.
A fresh start and a new relationship wait for me when I return. Well, the latter depends on if he still wants to be with me in three months.
I really hope so.
He grabs my hand, pulling me closer to him. He presses a kiss to my forehead, as he wraps his arms around me. "I'll do whatever it takes for you to believe me, Beautiful."
I feel even worse, but I need this validation. It's not that I don't believe him or trust him, but after my last, and only, relationship I just want to be sure.
I need to be sure.
Being held by him is something I don't deserve right now, but I cling to him, nonetheless.
He leans down, kissing my forehead.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPmoOZpYz3
My right cheek. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5C417fz3B
My left cheek.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnQV0Us9VG
My nose.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcczg2ELdPA
My pulse speeds up as his lips brush against mine. Before I get a chance to react, they're gone. I release an involuntary whimper, causing him to chuckle.
Again, he kisses my forehead.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB76Dy6Ot4T
My right cheek. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWQuQGLvkQ
My left cheek.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEK7uoFWdx
My nose.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8EJyZdxkj
This time when his lips brush against mine, I'm ready. I push forward, trying to capture his mouth, but he's too quick.
His eyes are dancing with amusement. "Uh-uhh... We're waiting, remember?"
I sigh. Dang it. Why couldn't I have waited to say something?
He chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. He's enjoying this way too much.
He leans in again, kissing my lips quickly. God, he's so adorable.
And perfect. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70uV6raNiQ
I kiss each one of his cheeks, before pressing my lips to his. He pulls back, laughing.
I feel the smile take over my face to the point my cheeks hurt. "Tease."
"Oh darlin'..." His eyes drop to my lips. "I'm not the tease."
I gasp at his words. I'm a tease?
He chuckles before kissing my forehead. My eyes roll back in my head. I can't take this. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ukkVwNAwq
He kisses my right cheek. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr5NTJyhKE
My left cheek.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ebUMVhtyT
My nose.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl4jELKpU3
I tense, waiting for his lips to graze mine.
But they don't.
I open my eyes to find him watching me. Before I can ask him anything, his mouth captures mine.
It feels like the first kiss all over again. My stomach and my heart have decided to become gymnasts.
The kiss is soft, but hard. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6xHmrl0kh
It's intense, but yielding. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCs0Kw52vaO
It's sweet, but mind-blowing. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbOx1Vrm17
It feels like we've been connected by our mouths forever.
It feels right and wrong. It feels good, but it's also breaking my heart.
Before I know it, his lips leave mine.
"You sure you want to wait?" His voice is husky and smooth, as he speaks into my mouth.
I'm not sure what I want anymore.
I know I wanted to wait, but I can't remember the reason right now.
I want to keep kissing him, but I know it's not right. I need to stop this.
I nod my head, despite my body's objections.
He kisses my cheek before clearing his throat. "Come on, let's go do something else." He grabs my hand, pulling me towards the door.
"What?" I don't follow, so my arm pulls him to a halt. He turns back to see what's stopping me. "Where?"
"I don't know, but if we stay in this bedroom, I won't be able to behave." Maybe we should stay.
"Oh." I can't bring myself to agree with him.
"Oh?" He smirks at me.
Maybe I don't want to go anywhere.268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOCrV2OioT
Maybe I want to stay here and continue what we were just doing. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M05w48QT3
Maybe I don't really want to wait.
"Oh." It's all that will come out of my mouth, apparently.
Okay, I have to behave. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowPnC9qx17
This was my choice. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2DTWEGqKG
Get it together, Katarina. 268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEB9Xs1TDE
Pull up your big girl panties and--
"Uh, Ben." I lick my lips nervously. "I can't really go anywhere."
"What? Why?" He's looking at me with concern, but I'm not sure I can say it.
"I... uh... You... uh..." Yeah, real good start. "I don't have any underwear... anymore."
His eyes widen, before glancing at the floor by the bed.
Crap! Were they sitting out in the open this whole time?
"Uh... Right." He walks to his dresser, opening the drawer and pulling out something black. "Here." He holds it out to me.
I take it from him, unfolding it in my hands. "Is this... What is this?"
"They're mine." He blushes, looking to the floor.
"You want me to wear your underwear?" I love shy Ben almost as much as carefree Ben.
His face burns even brighter, as he reaches out to grab them from my hand. "Nevermind."
"No." I clutch them tighter, as his eyes snap to mine. "I want them."
He releases them, but doesn't move away. I find the front, slip each foot in and slide them up my legs.
"Jesus, Kat." He takes several steps back while looking up at the ceiling.
"What?" I slid them on under my dress, what's the big deal?
He sighs. "Nevermind. Let's just get out of here." His hand wraps around mine, but this time I follow behind him.
I would follow him anywhere.ns126.96.36.199da2