It's been a hell of a journey, but the past three years have been some of the craziest, funniest, longest, shortest, hardest, happiest years of my life. Yesterday, along with hundreds of others, I walked up onto a stage as my name was called and officially became a graduate, class of 2017.
It was a long, stressful day but at the end all I was left with was a sense of pride. Not just for myself, but for each and every single one of the incredible people I have encountered on this journey. So many people who I have the immense privilege to call friends, who I am so grateful I had the chance to meet and get to know, and I am proud of every one of them. It doesn't matter what grade we all came out with, and who did better or got a higher grade, yesterday wasn't about personal success as such. It was about the collective, about how we did it. About how, no matter how low or high, we each have a degree, and it isn't lost on anybody how difficult that is to achieve.
And what hit me yesterday which has never occurred to me before, is that I am not invisible. I've spent so long believing I was never noticed or never taken note of because through high school and college that was the norm. I'd grown accustomed to never failing, but never truly excelling either. But yesterday I was granted the head of department's award for outstanding achievement; I wasn't aware the head of department even knew my name. When we entered the reception and a friend told me that two of my lecturers were looking for me, I was taken aback. Why were they looking for me? I didn't even know they could pick me out of a crowd. And after I accepted the award, a lecturer from last year approached me as he was leaving to shake my hand and we spoke about my dissertation for a moment and it hit me that he didn't view me as a student per se, rather a real human with real thoughts that he was actually interested in. I asked him about his year abroad doing research. He told me about how he'd gone home to visit his parents in America. It was such a casual conversation and it struck me that at some point during my three years at uni, I'd made an impact somewhere.
And what I didn't expect was questions about my recent month in America off my classmates; I didn't expect it because I've managed to drill it into my head that people don't care, they aren't interested. That I am invisible and that nothing I do has any consequence on anybody else at all. Yesterday altered that a little. Not fully, but it made me realise that maybe, just maybe, I'm not as invisible as I think.
Sure it's been a long and hard road to get here, but yesterday made me realise that I truly did make the right decision three years ago when I was split in half over what to do at uni. I knew in my heart on the first day that I'd chose right, but yesterday confirmed it. Whilst the academic journeys of most of my friends is now over, and I applaud and cheer and congratulate all of them with every piece of my overflowing heart, mine is not. Next year there'll be another graduation, and maybe I'll carry on with academia even after that, but I doubt it will hold a candle to my first graduation ceremony. I feel so lucky to have graduated with some of the best people I've ever encountered, and I am immensely proud to count myself as part of the Class of 2017.
ns 172.70.126.228da2