With All My Heart - Part 9
Word Count: 2562
Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Angst, some mentions of depression/anxiety, medical situations
A/N: Tags for this series are closed. Unbeta’d. All mistakes are mine.
Feedback and constructive criticism always welcome
The week leading up to your surgery you felt mostly numb. You weren’t scared or anxious. Just numb. Your parents had come to Texas and were staying in your house while you still stayed with Jensen. Jensen had noticed your change in demeanor and while he was trying to change it by staying upbeat, he wasn’t pushing the issue. He didn’t want to come on too strong.
Now that the IV was out of your arm you could go in the pool and that was where you could be found most of the time, floating on a raft or just on your back in the water, eyes closed, lost in thought. “Hey.” Jensen approached, sitting on the side of the pool and dangling his legs into the water. “Everyone’s gonna be here soon for dinner. Unless you wanna cancel.”
“We can’t cancel now.” You sighed and dragged yourself out of the pool. “Besides, your parents are coming and I’ve never met them. I don’t want them to hate me for canceling.”
“They wouldn’t hate you.” Jensen grabbed your towel and wrapped it around your body. “You’ve talked to ‘em on the phone. They love you just as much as I do. We’ll make dinner quick and kick everyone out and then it’ll just be me and you.”
“I like that idea.” You smiled for the probably the first time all day. “And Jensen?”
“Yeah?”
“Tomorrow, after the surgery, I want you to be the one in the room.” You said. “I know everyone’s gonna be in the waiting room and you’ll probably have to fight with my parents or Emma but I just want you. At least until I feel up for more people.”
“Ok.” He agreed. “We can do that. I’ll make sure everyone knows it was your decision. Whatever you need, we’ll do it.”
“If I needed a pony, would you get me one?”
“Yeah.” Jensen laughed. “I told you, baby, anything. Now go get dressed, unless you plan on eating in that bathing suit…which I honestly wouldn’t mind.”
“Perv.” You smirked and dropped your towel, letting Jensen enjoy the view. He slapped your ass on the way inside and you squealed as he grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to the bedroom.
You barely had enough time to shower together and change your clothes before the doorbell was ringing. Jensen ran to answer it and you followed more slowly behind. “Hey sweetie.” You froze in place at the sound of Donna’s voice. You hadn’t expected them to show up first and your nerves were right back on high alert.
Slowly and carefully you made your way down the stairs as Jensen brought Alan and Donna inside. “Mom, Dad, this is Y/N.” Jensen introduced you and you smiled sweetly.
“It’s nice to meet you both.” You said. His parents were smiling brightly at you and you held out your hand for them to shake, but his mother laughed it off.
“Y/N, you’re practically family now. You don’t need to be nervous.” Alan said, pulling you into a hug.
“And you’re even more beautiful in person.” Donna added. “Jensen, you really weren’t joking.” You felt the heat rise in your cheeks and ducked your head, letting your hair cover the rising blush. Jensen’s arm wrapped around your shoulders and he pressed a kiss to your temple.
“No, I wasn’t joking.” He chuckled. “Now stop, you’re torturing her.”
“Sorry.” Donna giggled. “It’s just nice to see you so happy, that’s all.”
“It’s ok.” You smiled. “Really. I’m just really glad you don’t hate me.”
“She was worried.” Jensen laughed. “She’s always worried.”
“Jensen loves you. We love you.” Alan said.
“And sweetheart…” Donna grabbed your hands in hers, squeezing gently. “If you need anything at all after this surgery you can call us, alright? I know that Jensen will probably have everything covered but we’re only a couple hours away.”
“Thank you, Mrs –“
“Donna.”
“Donna.” You smiled and turned to Jensen. “We should start the grill.”
“You two will sit down and spend the evening together.” Alan insisted. “Donna and I will take care of it.”
“Dad, you don’t have to.” Jensen said. “You’re guests.”
“We insist.” Alan said, heading toward the grill. “Spend all the time you can with your girl.”
Dinner went off without a hitch. Your parents and Jensen’s got along wonderfully. Everyone had avoided discussing the impending surgery, except your mother didn’t get the memo. “Y/N, you nervous?” She questioned, bringing everything back. Jensen gave her a look that probably should’ve killed her and you sucked in a shaky breath, stabbing your dessert with your fork.
“Yeah, who wouldn’t be?” You snapped back. “I’d really rather not talk about it right now, if that’s alright with you.” Emma picked the conversation back up after that, sensing your anxiety and your anger. You remained silent for most of dessert, eating your pie and staring down at the plate. Once everyone had said their goodbyes and left, leaving just Jensen, Jared, Gen, and Emma, you excused yourself to the bathroom.
It had been several minutes when Jensen noticed you were taking longer than normal. He was in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes with Emma and Jared when he leaned toward Emma to whisper to her. “Emz, I don’t wanna sound overbearing, but do you think she’s taking a really long time in there?”
“Yeah. I was gonna ask you the same thing.” Emma said. “I’ll go check.” Emma walked toward the bathroom, finding the door wide open and no you in sight. She furrowed her eyebrows and walked up the stairs to your bedroom, checking the adjoining bathroom thinking you might have gone there for privacy but there was no sign of you there either. Glancing to the dresser she found your phone lying there, powered off. “Fuck.” She sighed and ran down the stairs as calm as possible, trying not to panic anyone.
“Find her?” Jensen questioned. She yanked him to the side, trying to keep herself quiet and calm.
“She ran.” Emma said. “She’s not in the house. She left her phone.”
“Ok.” Jensen nodded calmly. “Alright. We’ll find her. It’s not like she got far. Her car keys are still here.”
“What’s wrong?” Jared and Gen questioned. “What are you two whispering about?”
“Y/N ran.” Jensen explained. “Left her phone and bolted.”
“Her mom…” Emma sighed. “She means well but she gets under her skin so bad. That’s part of the reason she moved away. She doesn’t really think before she speaks. When we were kids she’d run all the time.”
“Where’d she go?”
“Well, when we were really little she’d run to our fort which was really just like a wooden playhouse thing in my backyard.” Emma smiled, reminiscing. “As a teenager though, she’d go there or just wherever the hell she felt like.”
“Jensen, stay here in case she comes back.” Jared said. “The rest of us will go look for her.”
Emma, Jared, and Gen split up, taking three different directions. Jared had a suspicion of where you might be, having just talked to you about his wine cellar not that long ago and how much you loved it.
He drove straight home and made his way down into the cellar. The door had been slightly cracked and the light was on. He already knew you were down there from the moment he got there. “Y/N?” He called out. “I know you’re down here.” He made his way in further and saw you sitting, back pressed to the wall and knees drawn to your chest just staring. “Hey, darlin’.”
“Hey.” You murmured. He made his way over to you and sat down next to you, putting an arm around your shoulders. He pulled his phone from his pocket; texting who you could only assume was Jensen to call off the search. “I’m sorry, Jared. I couldn’t –“
“Shh. It’s fine.” Jared reassured. “Emma explained how you used to run away. I get it. You’re scared and your mom didn’t seem to help. Do you wanna talk to me?”
“I just can’t help but think I’m not gonna live through this, Jared.” You admitted out loud for the first time. “I can’t say that to Jensen or even Emma. I don’t know why I’m telling you. I just…I can’t help but feel like something’s gonna go wrong. I’ve had nightmares the last few nights. I know I’ve woken Jensen up.”
“It’s ok to feel that way. It’s totally valid.” Jared said. “It’s your heart. It’s not like it’s your appendix or something. You can’t keep it bottled up, though. You can always talk to me or Gen if you don’t feel like you can talk to Jensen or Emma. You know that, right? I’m not just your boss, Y/N. Not anymore. The second you started dating Jensen I became your brother too, whether you want me to be or not.”
“I always wanted a brother.” You huffed a laugh and Jared pulled you close, resting your head on his chest.
“You got one.” He said, pressing a kiss to your hair. “You ready to go home? You got a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” You whispered. “I should get back.”
Jared drove as slow as he could, knowing you needed time to decompress. He seemed to really be able to grasp what you were feeling, maybe even more than you did at times. “You know, Jensen’s really good with this kind of stuff.” Jared suddenly said. “I’m not really sure where I’d be without him if he hadn’t held me together as many times as he has. I don’t know if he’s told you.”
“A little. He mentioned how JIB is hard for him because of some things that happened to you.” Your voice came out much smaller than you’d intended. As Jared pulled into the driveway all the anxiety about the next day came rushing back, along with new anxiety that Jensen was going to be pissed that you ran instead of sharing your fears with him.
“Come on.” Jared came around and opened your door, lacing your small hand together in his much larger one. “It’s gonna be fine. I promise.” You nodded your head and followed him back inside, finding Jensen on the couch with Emma and Gen. “Look who I found in our wine cellar.” Jared chuckled.
Emma was the first one to her feet, running forward to embrace you. “I’m gonna be there tomorrow.” She mumbled in your ear. “Jensen told me you don’t want me in the room and that’s ok. But I’m gonna be outside running interference with your parents. I love you so much, Y/N.”
“I know.” You wrapped your arms around Emma, squeezing her tight to you. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
“It’s fine.” She giggled. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from your crazy ass. I’m gonna head home. Give you and Jensen some time alone.” She broke the hug, squeezing your shoulders one last time. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Promise.”
“We should go too.” Gen gave you a gentle squeeze and Jared joined her, both of them hugging you simultaneously. Gen pulled away but Jared stayed an extra couple seconds.
“Thank you, Jare.” You’d never called him that before and he chuckled a bit at finally getting a nickname from you.
“We’ll see you in the morning, Y/N/N.” Jared kissed your cheek and pulled away, giving your hand a squeeze as they left.
“I’m sorry.” You whipped around to face Jensen as soon as the door was closed. “I shouldn’t have run.”
“No, it’s ok. Your mom shouldn’t have brought it up. I get why you did it.” Jensen approached and grabbed your hands, walking you backwards to the couch and pulling you into his lap. “How do you wanna spend the rest of the night, huh?”
“Can we just cuddle on the couch and eat until I’m not allowed to eat anymore?” You were so afraid you were going to starve before you even go to the operating room Jensen couldn’t help but find it endearing. Even more endearing was when you fell asleep with a half eaten, leftover cheeseburger in your hand. Jensen smiled down at you, memorizing every small detail of you, taking it all in, before he carried you up to bed.
The next morning went by in a blur. You barely remembered arriving at the hospital and now here you were in a bed hooked up to an IV just waiting to be wheeled away. Everyone had been in to say their goodbyes and good lucks to you, leaving you with just Jensen, just like you wanted.
You were staring straight ahead at your feet underneath the blanket, wringing your hands together anxiously. Jensen had one hand holding one of yours and the other inside the gown, rubbing your back. The feeling of his skin on yours was helpful but just barely. “You’re gonna do fine, beautiful. I believe in you.”
“Thank you.” You gave Jensen a weak, half smile and he smiled back, leaning in to peck your lips with his.
“Hey, Y/N.” Your very chipper nurse, Mel, walked in carrying a syringe in her hand. Out of instinct alone you shrank back in the bed. “It’s alright. It’s just something to help you relax. Then they’re gonna take you in about 5 or 10 minutes.” She pushed whatever it was into your IV and you instantly felt warm, blinking your eyes a few times. She left the room and Jensen smirked at you knowingly, brushing his fingers over your face.
“Good?” He asked.
“I don’t wanna go.” You sighed.
“I know. I got you.” Jensen held you close, stroking your hair while you closed your eyes. “Nothing bad is gonna happen. I promise. And I’m gonna be right there with you when you wake up. And you’re gonna wake up. Say it.”
“I’m gonna wake up.” You repeated, low and not entirely sure you believed it, but if Jensen did that was enough for you. He’d never steered you wrong yet.
“Time to go, Y/N.” You heard, but didn’t see the people who were wheeling you away. You clung to Jensen, completely unwilling to let go.
“Can I walk with her? Until we get to wherever it is I absolutely can’t go?” Jensen asked. “It might be easier.”
“Yeah, yeah of course.” A friendly voice said and you felt the bed start to move, Jensen whispering words of comfort the entire way down the hall. You didn’t move your face from his chest, not wanting to see the hospital, thinking that maybe if you didn’t you’d fall asleep before you got to the operating room and it would all be over. You couldn’t get that lucky of course. Whatever they’d given you hadn’t been strong enough to do that.
“I have to go, Y/N.” Jensen pulled away and leaned down, wrapping you in a hug. “Kick it in the ass in there, ok? I love you so much.”
You reached out, grabbing him and pulling down, crashing your lips against his like it was the last thing you’d ever do. “I love you too.” You grabbed his hand as the wheeled you away, not letting go until you were forced to, clinging to his fingertips until the last possible second.
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