With All My Heart - Part 8
Word Count: 3003
Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Angst, Medical Situations
A/N: Tags are closed. Unbeta’d. All mistakes are mine.
Feedback and constructive criticism always welcome and encouraged
“You sure you’re gonna be ok with me gone?” Jensen asked for the 500th time. He was packing his bag to leave for PhoenixCon and while you didn’t really want him to go you knew he couldn’t disappoint the fans to stay behind with you.
“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” You reassured, wrapping your arms around him from behind and resting your head against his shoulder. “Emma will be here and Gen is gonna come by when Emma has to work so I’m pretty much covered. Plus, the dogs will keep me company.” You glanced over at Oscar and Icarus, who were both staring at you intently.
Jensen spun in your arms and put his arms around your neck, checking your face to see if you were lying. “Sorry the doctor said you couldn’t go. I really thought she’d say yes. You’re doing so well.”
“Yeah. Me too.” You sighed. “Plus, I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me on Twitter and stuff about singing since I did it in Rome. I was actually kinda hoping I’d get to do it again…”
“Wait.” Jensen stopped and blinked, pulling away from you while he continued to pack his clothes. “You actually…were planning on singing with me? Like on stage?”
“Yeah.” You nodded and bit your bottom lip. “Unless you didn’t want me to or something. I was gonna stop by my house and grab my guitar.”
“No I definitely would’ve wanted you to.” Jensen said in complete awe. “I just…who are you? What have you done with my Y/N? You don’t have a fever do you?” He placed his hand on your forehead and you laughed, shaking your head. “Are you a shapeshifter? A couple weeks ago you wanted to run screaming from the stage and now you wanna be up there with me?”
“No, you dork. I don’t have a fever.” You giggled and slapped his hand away. “I’m comfortable enough with you and the rest of the guys around that I just think I can do it. That’s all.”
“Wow.” Jensen smiled, clearly impressed. “You’ve certainly come a long way. Did you answer any of the tweets?”
“No.” You shrugged. “I was waiting to be cleared and then I was gonna tweet something cryptic but now the doctor ruined it. I guess I should say something.” You sat down on the bed and pulled out your phone, holding it out in front of you and snapped a photo of yourself looking sad. You made sure to get a clear shot of the IV line in your opposite arm.
“Wait!” Jensen ran over and kissed your cheek, forcing you to snap another photo. “Use this one.”
“Ok, weirdo.” You chuckled to yourself and posted the photo, tagging Jensen.
Y/F/NY/L/N: Won’t be at #SPNPHX with @JensenAckles this time. Endocarditis sucks :( Maybe I’ll see you in Vancouver.
“If people ask, what do you want me to say?” Jensen asked. “I don’t wanna overshare anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“It’s fine. Tell ‘em everything. I mean, I pretty much just did.” You shrugged. “It’s not like I’m hiding anything. I’m sure I’ll get accused of doing drugs or something.” You’d noticed in some of your research that endocarditis occurred a lot in IV drug users, but if people accused you, you really didn’t give a damn.
Jensen threw the last of his clothes in his suitcase and zipped it up, sighing to himself. “You’re sure I should go?”
“Yes, Jensen.” You sighed in exasperation. “It’s gonna be fine. Jared’s gonna be here in like 2 minutes.” You grabbed Jensen’s hand and pulled him and his luggage down the stairs to the living room to wait for Jared. Jared rang the bell as you were halfway down the stairs and you opened the door, being crushed in one of Jared’s famous hugs as soon as he saw you.
“Hey, darlin’.” Jared smiled. “How are you?”
“Great now that you’re here.” You giggled. “Except I can’t breathe, you giant, put me down!”
“Is he ready?” Jared set you back on your feet and gestured to your nervous boyfriend. “I know he doesn’t wanna leave you.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” Jensen grumbled.
“Look at her!” Jared grabbed your face in his hand, squishing your cheeks. “All her color’s back in her cheeks. Her dark circles are fading. She’s awake past 8pm. She’s fine!”
“Give us like 5 minutes.” Jensen said. “And stop squishing her face cuz she can and will kill you.”
“Alright.” Jared laughed and bent down to kiss your cheek. “Love you. I’ll see you in a few days.” You gave him a squeeze and walked back over to Jensen, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his chest.
“I’ll be back in time to take you for that test on Monday. Promise.” Jensen murmured, kissing the top of your head. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” You smiled and squeezed him tighter. “Even if you had to, it wouldn’t be a big deal, ya know? I get it. This is your life and I’m totally ok with that.”
“You’re perfect.” Jensen sighed. “Honestly. Perfect.”
“Far from it. But I’ll take it.” You giggled and stood on your toes to kiss him. “Now go. You’re gonna miss your flight.”
“Love you.” Jensen kissed you again as he ran for the door. “I’ll call you when I get there. Well, I’ll text and see if you’re awake first.”
“No. Call. If you wake me up it’s fine. I wanna talk to you.” Jensen nodded and grabbed his bag, heading out the door. You couldn’t help but laugh at how crazy he was acting, almost like you’d never been alone in your entire life.
Once he was gone, you grabbed all the food you wanted for the night and made your way up to the bedroom, making yourself a little nest in the bed and turning on Supernatural on Netflix. You’d made your way through most of the show so far and were determined to finish it this weekend. As soon as you settled in, you felt a flutter and a twinge of pain in your chest, which had been brushed off as normal but freaked you out every single time it happened. “You’re fine, Y/N.” You told yourself. “Calm down.”
You made it through the rest of season 12 before you finally allowed yourself to fall asleep. You weren’t asleep long before Jensen called and you rolled over, fumbling for your phone to answer. “Hey.”
“Hey, beautiful.” Jensen sounded just as tired as you did. “How are you?”
“I finished season 12. You didn’t tell me everyone died, you asshole.” Jensen laughed, deep in his chest.
“Spoilers, baby.” He chuckled. “And no, I don’t know who is coming back and who isn’t yet so don’t ask me. I meant how are you physically?”
“I had some of that chest pain and fluttering earlier. It went away though.” You murmured. “The real question is how are you gonna fall asleep tonight without listening to my heart?”
“You knew about that?”
“Mmmhmm.” You giggled a little bit at his surprise. “I woke up a few times with your head on my chest. I figured it out, J. I’m kinda smart sometimes.”
“Apparently.” He grumbled. “Do you think you should get that chest pain checked out?” He asked, abruptly changing the subject. “Or maybe call Emma over, so she can at least check your vitals? It bothers me.”
“No. It’s not any different than what I’ve had the whole time.” You replied. “Plus it’s totally gone now. And I have the transesophageal echo thingy on Monday so if anything’s wrong it’ll show up on that. But I think you should get off the phone and try to sleep. You’re golfing tomorrow with Jason and it’s gonna be about 2 billion degrees. And you’re singing.”
“You’re right.” Jensen sighed. “I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Love you too.” You couldn’t help but smile every single time he said that. You truly didn’t think you deserved someone like him, especially after everything he’d done for you in such a short span of time. “Good night.” You tapped end on your phone and placed it back on the bedside table, rolling over and gripping one of Jensen’s pillows in your arms to cuddle with for the night before falling back to sleep.
Sunday came and you were watching Jensen and Jared’s panels from home on your laptop. One of the first questions in the gold panel was about the concert and your whereabouts. Jensen hesitated for a second, swirling his coffee nervously while he tried to think of the best way to answer. “She wanted to come.” Jensen answered. “But you obviously saw her Instagram post, since you asked about her health. She actually passed out at the airport in Austin right when we got back from Rome. Um…” Jensen held back for a second, holding back his emotions when Jared jumped in to save him.
“It was really scary.” Jared added. “The doctors think she may have had a stroke but as you saw she was diagnosed with an infection in her heart so it’s serious but it’s treatable. She just wasn’t allowed to fly yet. She asked.”
“Yeah, she really wanted to come.” Jensen added. “We talked Friday before I flew out here and she said she really wanted to sing for you guys now that she’s done it once. She kinda talked about how like…accepting everyone was and how she felt comfortable enough to do it again, which…you have no idea how big that is for her. So, sorry to be so long winded but she’s alright. She’s doin’ better. Hopefully she can come to VanCon with me.”
“They love you.” Gen giggled.
“Thank God for Jared.” You shook your head. “Poor Jensen wasn’t ready.”
“No, he really wasn’t.” Emma grimaced from your other side. “Poor guy.”
“
“I really don’t understand why all these people wanna know about me, though. I’m not special.” You chewed your bottom lip, staring at the screen and continuing to watch their panel.
“Because you’re Jensen’s girlfriend.” Gen said. “And you’re not famous.” She used air quotes at the word famous and you rolled your eyes. “So they wanna know every single thing about you. Plus, you sang at JIB and you can sing. Did you read the tweets and stuff after that?”
“Uh, I might’ve but in case you’ve forgotten, I don’t remember shit between Jailbreak and waking up in the ICU.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Gen shrugged. “Well, I read them.”
“Me too.” Emma chimed in. “And people love your voice. There were a few trashy ass, bitchy comments but for the most part? People think you got pipes.”
“Huh.” You pursed your lips and stared at the boys playing on the floor while Odette slept in a bassinette.
“I like when you sing.” Tom turned to you and said. “Sheppy and Odette, too.”
“You’ve heard me sing?”
“Uh huh.” Shep turned and nodded. “You watched us, ‘member? You sang lullabies.”
“Oh, right.” You said, mostly to yourself.
“You sing like a angel.” Tom said and you about choked on your water.
“Where’d you hear that?” You questioned.
“Unca Jensen.” Tom answered. “He told Daddy that when you were in the hospital.”
“He did say that.” Gen smiled. “I remember that. It was like the 3rd day you were there or so and you were asleep so Jensen went to the cafeteria with us to get some lunch. Jared and I brought the kids in to visit but since you were asleep we decided we’d come back later. They were talking about JIB and Jailbreak and how you never mentioned you could sing and the boys mentioned how you sang them to sleep that one night you watched them and Odette.”
“If you don’t marry Jensen, I will.” Emma blurted out. “He’s literally perfect.” You glared at your best friend momentarily and she held her hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry I’m just stating facts.”
“He’s taken, Emz.” Gen’s laughter filled the room, followed by Emma’s, then yours. The rest of the day went on that way, the three of you sharing stories and bonding, becoming even better friends.
When night fell and you were curled up in bed alone, you started to get anxious about the procedure the next day. You were tossing and turning until another warm body slid in the bed behind you, wrapping his arms around you. “Hey.” He whispered. “Nervous?”
“Yeah. Little bit. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I was quiet. Thought you might be asleep.” Jensen pressed a kiss to the back of your neck and you rolled over to face him, scooting close and resting your head in the crook of his neck. “Don’t be nervous. You already had one of these done when you were in the hospital before. You did great.”
“I didn’t know about it though.” You sighed. “It’s different.”
“I know. I’m kinda looking forward to seeing you stoned.” Jensen chuckled. “Emma told me the story about taking you to get your wisdom teeth out and how fun that was.”
“I hate her. I don’t know why we’re friends.” You grumbled under your breath, nuzzling your nose into Jensen’s neck. “It was kinda funny though. I tried to punch her in the face cuz she was mean to me and I completely missed and fell on the sidewalk.” Jensen laughed so hard his body shook under you.
“I wish there was video.”
“Shut up and go to sleep.” You mumbled against his neck. “It wasn’t that funny.”
The next morning Jensen kissed you as they wheeled you away for your procedure and was the first face you remembered seeing when you woke up. You woke up groggy and out of it, way worse than when you had your wisdom teeth removed. “Hey beautiful. Gonna keep your eyes open for me this time?” Jensen questioned, running his hand lightly over your cheek.
“Jensen?” You glanced up at him, eyes fluttering. Once you were able to focus on him you started to hyperventilate and he furrowed his eyebrow, grabbing your hand.
“What’s wrong? Something hurt?”
“No.” You whined, a tear rolling down your cheek. “Please don’t marry Emma.”
“What?” Jensen laughed. “Why would I do that?”
“She said that if we don’t get married she’d marry you because you’re perfect and she’s right but it’s too early to get married but please don’t leave me to marry Emma.” You started to really cry and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh, but stood up and sat on the side of your bed, lifting you up into a hug.
“I’m not gonna marry Emma.” He reassured, stroking your hair. “She’s right about you and anesthesia though, baby, you’re a mess.”
“Can we go home now?” You questioned, wiping your own tears away.
“Not until you wake up a bit more and stop crying over things that would never happen.” Jensen chuckled, wiping your eyes. “And the doctor has to come talk to us. Are you ok now?” You nodded your head and he reached over, grabbing the can of soda they’d left for you. “Thirsty?”
You drank the soda willingly and passed it back to Jensen who put it back on the table. As soon as he looked back over at you, you pulled him close, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. “Love you.”
“I love you.” Jensen smiled. “What was that for?”
“Being perfect.” You giggled. “We’ve only been together like 2 months and you’re here doing this. You’re perfect. I can’t help but feel like we were like…destined or something.” The drugs were certainly taking away your filter. This was all something you’d say to Emma but never directly to him if you could stop yourself.
“Sometimes I think that too.” Jensen agreed, kissing your forehead.
“Y/N?” Dr. Davis, your cardiologist, appeared through the curtain. “How are you feeling?”
“Great.” You smiled.
“She can’t even answer that right now.” Jensen chuckled. “I don’t think she feels anything. Do you have her results?”
“I do.” Dr. Davis sighed and Jensen gripped your hand tightly in his. Whatever it was didn’t seem to be great news. You may have been high from all the medication but the change in demeanor on her face didn’t escape you either and you gripped Jensen’s hand tightly in yours. “The infection damaged your mitral valve to the point where it’s not functioning properly.”
“What does that mean for her?” Jensen asked.
“We’ll have to surgically replace it.” She explained. “The earlier probably the better, as long as the infection is cleared.”
“What if I don’t do it?” You asked. “Is it something I can live with? Medicate?”
“Your heart will eventually fail.” Dr. Davis explained. “It’s really not something you can just manage. I’m really sorry, Y/N. We can schedule you as early as the end of the week. Come to my office tomorrow around noon? I can go over everything with both of you. Answer any questions you might have. You’re free to go as soon as you’re ready.”
“Ok.” Jensen nodded. “Thank you.” The doctor patted your legs on her way out and you looked at Jensen, tears forming in your eyes for the second time that morning. He helped you stand up and get dressed now that you were free to leave. He helped the nurse wheel you out to the SUV and helped you inside before he spoke again. “Do you want me to call Emma?”
“Not yet.” You choked out. “Can you just –“
“Yeah. Come on.” He opened his arms and you fell into them, burying your face against him, inhaling his scent. The sobs were silent but he could feel your body shaking and the tears soaking his shirt. His tears dripped down his face, soaking into your hair.
“I’m scared.”
“I know.” Jensen whispered. “I’m scared too. But we’ll get through it together.”
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