With All My Heart - Part 7
Word Count: 2913
Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Medical situations, some self-loathing/self-esteem issues
A/N: Tags for this series are closed. Unbeta’d. All mistakes are mine.
Feedback and constructive criticism always appreciated
Jensen sat at your bedside long after all the tests had been done, running his thumb over your knuckles. He’d sent Jared home after a lengthy argument that he’d be fine to wait alone, that he should go get some rest and be with Gen and the kids. They’d loaded you up with so much medication there was really no way to tell when you’d fully wake up anyway. He promised to call if anything changed.
He was half asleep when your free hand shot up to your face, clawing at the oxygen mask to try and get it off. “Shh, Y/N, stop.” Jensen grabbed your hand and lowered it back down, waiting for your eyes to stop wildly searching the room and focus on him. “It’s ok, you’re alright. You gotta keep that on, though. At least for now.” You fought against him, determined to get the mask off your face. It felt oppressive and claustrophobic and you had no idea you were even in a hospital or why he was forcing you to wear it but you wanted it off and you wanted it off now. “Sweetheart, calm down. I need you to calm down. Stop fighting and I’ll explain everything and then I’ll get a nurse and see if we can get the mask off, ok?”
You finally stopped struggling, relaxing against the bed and taking in your surroundings. “Why am I in a hospital?” You finally asked and Jensen smiled at the sound of your voice. He was starting to think you weren’t able to speak.
“They said you probably had a mini stroke.” Jensen answered. “They ran a bunch of tests and I told ‘em about how sick you were when we met. There’s no really easy way to tell you this…”
“So tell me.”
“They think that infection spread and settled in your heart. The doctor called it endocarditis. It’s not really common in most people.” Jensen explained. “She said that clumps of bacteria have been growing in your heart and one probably broke off and spread to your brain. They don’t think there’s permanent damage. Of course they can’t know that for sure.”
“Am I contagious?” You started to freak out, worrying immediately about the kids, then Jensen and everyone else. “You shouldn’t be here!”
“No, no, no.” Jensen grabbed your upper arms, rubbing his hands up and down. “You’re not. It’s ok.”
“I’m sorry.” You immediately started to hyperventilate and cry, prompting Jensen to jump out of his chair and into your bed, pulling you up and into his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Jensen murmured, running his hands through your hair in an attempt to comfort you. “You didn’t know. You couldn’t have.”
“No. Now I can’t go home I’m gonna be stuck in Italy and you need to get back for work and the other cons and –“
“Y/N.” Jensen pulled back a little bit, staring down into your eyes. “We are home. We’re in Austin, baby. What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Jailbreak.”
“That was 2 days ago.” Jensen sighed. “They said that might happen. You passed out right next to Jared’s SUV at the airport. You don’t remember the flight at all?” You shook your head and wrapped yourself around Jensen, letting out a sigh.
“When do I get to leave?” You whined.
“Not tonight.” Jensen chuckled. “They’re running IV antibiotics to try and get the infection out of your heart. They said you’re gonna be on those for anywhere from 2-6 weeks. If that doesn’t work you might need surgery. They didn’t elaborate on any of that yet, they think it’s treatable.”
“What?” You gasped. “I have to stay here that long? I can’t I have to go back to work. I just started I -”
“No.” Jensen reassured. “No. Calm down, alright? Don’t freak out. Keep your heart rate down. I already made some calls about getting the right equipment at home to do it there and I called Emma. She said she’d stop by every day to give you the meds you need.” Right. Emma was a nurse in a children’s hospital. She could give IV’s. Of course she’d do that for you. “She was here by the way. She had to get to work but she said she loves you. And Jared saw the whole thing. He knows and he’s not gonna fire you for this. You can still do everything from home if you’re up to it.”
“You said home.” You glanced up at Jensen, pulling the mask off your face so he could understand you without sounding like Darth Vader. “You mean my house, right?”
“No.” Jensen said firmly. “You’re coming to stay with me. Or I’ll come to your house if that’s what you want but you’re not gonna be staying alone right now.”
“You don’t have to do all this.” You sighed. “You can turn and run away right now. I won’t blame you.”
“Y/N/N…” Jensen stared at you sadly. He really didn’t fully understand until this moment just how much all your exes had damaged you. “I told you I loved you. I’m not taking that back because you’re sick. I’m not like those other guys and you didn’t deserve any of that. I really wish you’d see that.” You practically threw yourself back against him, nuzzling against him. He repositioned you both so he could lean back against the bed and take you with him, resting against his chest. It couldn’t be at all comfortable for him. He had one leg dangling off the bed and resting on the floor and the rest of his body was on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around you, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“She’s awake!” An older lady in light green scrubs entered your room with a kind smile on her face. You could only assume she was your nurse.
“Can we get the mask off?” Jensen spoke for you, for which you were grateful. “It makes her claustrophobic.” How did he know that? You hadn’t said that out loud but somehow he still knew. The nurse made her way to the monitor and checked your vitals, humming while she did so. She disappeared and reappeared, taking the mask from your face and replacing it with nasal oxygen instead.
“Better, honey?”
“Much, thank you.” You whispered and buried your face in Jensen’s chest now that you could do it comfortably.
“How are you feeling? Any pain?” She continued.
“A little.” You mumbled. “Dizzy. Kinda sick to my stomach. Sleepy.” Jensen’s grip tightened and he started to rub your back, slipping his hand up under the hospital clothes.
“Got yourself a good guy there.” The nurse smiled. “Hasn’t left you at all. I’ll be back in a few minutes with some medicine to make you feel better, ok?” You nodded as she left and turned your eyes up to Jensen’s.
“You should go eat or something. You’re probably starving.”
“Emma brought me food.” Jensen chuckled. “It’s fine. I’m not going anywhere. Not until they let you out. You didn’t tell me you were dizzy and didn’t feel well.”
“I didn’t think about it.” You shrugged. “Not until she asked. It’s probably the antibiotics.” Jensen hummed, applying pressure to the tight muscles in your back, eliciting a moan from you.
“Close your eyes. You can sleep.”
“What if I don’t wake up?” Finally all the fear you’d been feeling and holding back for his sake bubbled to the surface. Tears started trickling down your face, soaking Jensen’s shirt. You couldn’t keep holding it in anymore, it was torturing you. This was your heart. It wasn’t something you didn’t need to live. It wasn’t something they could just go in and remove and you’d be fine. “I just had a stroke what’s gonna stop me from having another one? Or a heart attack?”
“Possible mini stroke. We don’t know for sure.” Jensen reminded you. “You’re fine, sweetheart. You’re in the best place. I’m right here too. You really think I wouldn’t go running for help if I thought something was wrong?”
“No. I know you would.” Your voice was so tiny it broke Jensen’s heart. He continued massaging your back, kneading his fingers into the muscles to lull you to sleep. You let your eyes fall shut, getting lost in the rhythm of his hands and his breathing. “Your house.” You mumbled right as you were on the edge of sleep again. “Comfier bed and a hot tub.”
You’d been home for a week after spending over a week in the hospital and you were starting to go stir crazy. You were waiting for Emma to show up, sitting on the couch with your laptop in your lap doing work for the bar. “Are you working?” Your head shot up, not realizing that Emma had let herself in with the spare key you’d both given her.
“Yes.” You grumbled. “I’m going insane. I can’t really go anywhere or do anything. This stupid IV has to stay in me all the time. The medicine makes me feel gross. So I can at least do payroll and order more booze and supplies. You know? My job.”
“You could put on some actual clothes, too.” Emma laughed, hooking up the IV line and starting the antibiotics. “You’ve been wearing his clothes for a week.” She looked you over, shaking her head at what you were wearing today. Today you’d chosen one of Jensen’s Rolling Stones t-shirts and a pair of your own sweatpants that were about 2 sizes too large.
“These are clothes.”
“Alright, whatever. No arguments from me.” Emma held up her hands and grabbed her stethoscope, leaning forward and placing it against your chest.
“Still beating?”
“Still beating. Still have that murmur though.” She sighed and sat next to you on the couch, closing your laptop once she saw you weren’t actually doing work for the bar anymore. “Stop researching that shit on the internet. It’s just gonna make you crazy. It’s only been a little over two weeks, Y/N/N. You gotta give the antibiotics time to work before you start researching what happens if they don’t.”
“Got the food.” Jensen came barreling through the door carrying several bags. “Hey Emz. Brought you some too.”
“Hey there, handsome.” Emma winked and you rolled your eyes. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“You totally would’ve whined if he came in this house with no food for you.”
“Truth.” Emma giggled, shoving one of her French fries in her mouth. You pouted, stabbing your chicken caesar salad with your fork. The doctor hadn’t given orders for a special diet, but Jensen had gone out of his way to make sure you weren’t killing your heart with bad food.
“Would it have killed you to get me a burger?” Jensen sat down next to you, squishing you between him and Emma, eating his salad in solidarity. He passed you a bottle of ginger ale, knowing the medicine made your stomach upset.
“It’s heart healthy. I know it sucks.” Jensen ruffled your hair and looked over you at Emma. “How’s the patient today?”
“Grumpy.” Emma huffed. “And she’s reading WebMD again.”
“I’m going crazy.” You whined. “I can’t stay cooped up in here forever. I can’t even go in the hot tub or the pool because of the stupid IV thing hanging out of my arm! And when you’re gone for whatever and Emma’s at work I’m bored and I’m lonely, ok!”
“Are you done?” Emma raised an eyebrow at your outburst.
“Yeah.” You tilted your head down and stared at your unfinished salad. “I think so.” Both Jensen and Emma wrapped their arms around you, resting their heads against yours.
“Why didn’t you say something sooner, you dumbass?” Emma questioned.
“I know why.” Jensen answered for you. “Same reason she never says anything. Doesn’t wanna be a burden. Blah blah blah.”
“She does that.” Emma nodded. The two of them had what looked to be some weird, silent conversation right in front of you before they both pulled away from you. “As soon as that IV is done go get dressed.” Emma said. “We’re taking you out.”
“Where are we going?” You immediately perked up at the thought of just leaving the house for once. It didn’t really matter where you went as long as it was somewhere else.
“Do you wanna call Jared?” Jensen asked. “See if they wanna go out to dinner with us? I won’t even complain if you order greasy food. I promise.”
“You’re the best.” You smiled bright for the first time in weeks. “You’re both the best!”
Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off you all night. It was amazing to see how much healthier you looked when you’d gotten dressed and come down for dinner. You were wearing a shirt that covered the IV line in your arm. You didn’t want people to ask questions and he couldn’t blame you for that.
The way you lit up as soon as you were in the restaurant and out of the house made him smile. Especially when Jared told you to your face that there was no way you’d be out of a job because of all this. He laughed at the way you moaned in delight when you bit into your burger, the greasiest and probably most unhealthy thing you could’ve ordered on the entire menu. Not to mention the pie topped with ice cream you ordered for dessert.
You didn’t make it halfway back home before you were sound asleep in the SUV. The events of the day had been much more than you were used to lately and it took everything you had out of you. Jensen couldn’t help but keep glancing over at you, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your ear to get a better look at your face. “You really love her, don’t you?” Emma spoke lowly from the back seat, so as not to wake you. “I mean, I’m not sure why I’m asking. You went to all the trouble to pay for all the medical equipment in the house but I guess I never really saw how much you really love her until tonight.”
“Yeah, I do.” Jensen nodded and glanced back at Emma in the rearview mirror.
“You’re good for her.” Emma smiled. “Genuine. Real. She’s never really had that before and I can’t explain why. It’s like she picks the guys she knows are gonna treat her like shit. Like she thinks she deserves that. Hell, she probably thinks she deserves what’s happening to her now.”
“I know she thinks that way.” Jensen said, pulling into the driveway and putting the SUV in park. “I’ve been trying to change that. She’s stubborn.”
“I know.” Emma laughed and slid out of the SUV, closing the door quietly. Jensen followed and they stood outside next to Emma’s car.
“You can stay in one of the guest rooms if you want.” Jensen offered. “You’re coming back tomorrow anyway. It’ll save you a trip.”
“I think I’ll leave you guys alone for awhile.” Emma smiled. “Give you the morning to yourselves, you know, for whatever.”
“Subtle.” Jensen smirked. “Thank you, Emz. For everything.” Jensen leaned down and hugged her tight, something she didn’t expect. She hugged him back just as tight.
“She’s my best friend. You don’t need to thank me.” She said as she pulled away. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, ok? Take care of her for me.”
“Always.” Jensen nodded.
He waited for Emma to be safely in her car and out of the driveway before he moved to your side of the SUV. He had to be careful opening the door without dumping you onto the concrete, but he managed to maneuver you into his arms without dropping you and get the door shut. Your arms moved instinctively around his neck and your head rested against his chest. “J?” You looked up at him with sleepy eyes and he smiled softly back down at you.
“Yeah, we’re home. You fell asleep on the ride home.” He chuckled. “Emma said she’ll see you tomorrow. You have no clue what I’m saying right now do you?” You didn’t answer. Instead, you buried your face in his chest and inhaled deeply, going right back to sleep.
Once he got your shoes and jeans off of you and tucked you into bed, he got himself ready and slid in next you, pulling the covers over you both. He rested his head on your chest, positioning his ear over your heart. He didn’t know what he was listening for, other than the steady beat. It sounded good to him. Strong and normal. Your arm moved up and around him in your sleep, as if on instinct. You’d done that the past few nights and he couldn’t help but smile.
He laid there like this every night once you fell asleep, listening to your heart. He never told you. He couldn’t let you know how worried he actually was. He’d done the same research you’d done. He’d read every single thing that could go wrong if the infection in your heart didn’t go away. The possibility of losing you was very real for him but he refused to be scared in front of you. Listening to the steady beat of your heart was the one constant he knew would relax him enough to fall asleep.
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