With All My Heart - Part 13
Word Count: 3196
Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Self loathing, Horrible terrible no good very bad smut
A/N: Thanks to @percywinchester27 @impalaimagining and @sis-tafics for reading this over for me.
A/N #2: This is the reason I don’t write smut, right here, in all its glory, you’ve been warned.
Feedback and Constructive Criticism Always Appreciated
“How is she, really? No bullshit?” Gavin questioned Emma. You’d been driving for awhile and had stopped for a few breaks for you to get out and stretch your legs. Gavin and Emma both thought you were asleep in the backseat when truthfully you were hovering in the space between awake and asleep.
“She’s…coping.” Emma finally answered, hesitating, trying to find the right words. “The whole heart infection and then replacing the valve, it took a lot out of her. For awhile I was afraid she was spiraling, but Jensen – Gavin he really pulled her out. He kept her head above water.”
“What do you mean?” Gavin glanced at Emma quickly, putting his eyes straight back on the road, but he was clearly intrigued by what she meant.
“Well, not only did he keep her out of the hospital by paying for all the medical equipment at his house so she could get all the antibiotics at home –“
“He did that?” Gavin interrupted. “Like they were barely even together then and he just did that?”
“Yeah.” Emma nodded. “It was never a question. But beyond that stuff, every time she started feeling down he brought her back up. He’d take her out to do something; he’d bring people to her. He just did every single thing he could do to make her not feel like an invalid. Gav, he’d give her the world. She wouldn’t even have to ask. Plus, Jared and Gen are great too. She didn’t just get Jensen she got an entire family.”
Gavin gripped the wheel firmly in one hand, tensing his fist and letting it go, letting out a deep sigh. “What?” Emma asked. “What could possibly bother you about that?”
“Nothing.” Gavin said, hesitating and clenching his jaw. “I just…I should’ve been here for her and I wasn’t.” Gavin hesitated again, Emma’s silence telling him he needed to keep going, to explain himself. “I’m not in love with her if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not like that. I didn’t come here to fight with Jensen over her. I just – I promised her once I’d always be there for her and then I joined the Marines and I fucked that up. She needed me and I wasn’t here. How many guys walked all over her because I wasn’t here? She could’ve died and I wasn’t here.”
“I don’t blame you.” You murmured sleepily from the back seat. “It was your job. It’s not like you didn’t wanna be here. You can’t just drop everything for me, Gavin.”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” Gavin sighed. “Thought you were asleep.”
“She’s right, though.” Emma said, reaching out and grabbing her brother’s free hand. “I know you think protecting us is your job but we’re big girls and we make our own decisions.”
“I chose to date all those shitty men because I didn’t think I deserved better. That’s not on you. It’s not your job to fix me. And my heart? You couldn’t have fixed that. Nobody could’ve. Jensen being there was just the right place, right time.” Gavin nodded his understanding, swallowing thickly and going silent for a time, staring at the open road. You really wished in that moment you had the ability to read thoughts, not knowing what he was thinking was killing you.
“Get some rest, Pipsqueak.” Gavin said, giving you a quick glance in the rearview mirror. “We should be there by morning.”
The next morning when you arrived at the hotel, Jared met you immediately in the parking garage, trying to keep you hidden. You could barely help yourself, throwing yourself directly into his chest and burying your face in his shirt as soon as you saw him. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too, gorgeous.” Jared laughed, hugging you so tight you could barely breathe. “Not as much as Jensen though, he’s driving me crazy. I’m so glad you’re here. You look so much healthier.” Jared’s eyes made their way toward Gavin who cleared his throat behind you.
“Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” You abruptly pulled away, turning and pulling Jared toward Gavin. “Jared this is Gavin, Emma’s brother. Gavin, this is Jared.”
Jared extended his hand and Gavin took it right away with a smile, something you were grateful for. A part of you was afraid they wouldn’t get along but they seemed to be just fine, and if he got along with Jared chances of him liking Jensen were far higher. “Thank you.” Gavin said unexpectedly. “For you know, giving her a job when her fuckstick of an old boss fired her for being sick. And being so understanding of everything and being there for her as a brother when I couldn’t be. You seem like a good guy.”
“Y/N’s family now.” Jared pulled you in to a side hug, kissing the top of your head. “Whatever she needs, she gets.”
“Told you.” Emma smirked, leaning against Gavin’s SUV. “Are we gonna take this stuff inside to an actual room or are we gonna stay in the parking garage forever?”
“I might’ve managed to snag Emma and Gavin a 2 room suite.” Jared shrugged, holding out the keys. “Y/N/N you can shove your stuff in there for now but I don’t think you’ll be sleeping there tonight.”
“No.” You laughed and shook your head. “God I hope not.” Jared moved away from you and started to help Gavin with the bags, easily draping some over his shoulders and pulling your rolling suitcase behind him. “Jared, I can help. At least give me the little one before you throw your back out.”
“No.” Jared scoffed. “They’re not heavy, I got em. Just shut up and walk with me. We gotta talk about how this surprise is gonna go.”
“Ok, so how is it gonna go?” Jared held the door for everyone, letting you all inside. Emma and Gavin walked ahead of you, having their own sibling conversation while Jared and you trailed behind, planning exactly how to surprise Jensen. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Well, later today we’re filming this like, interview game thing.” Jared explained. “It’s out on a boat kinda nearby. I was thinking you could do it then unless you wanna wait until the party tonight.”
“No!” You interjected, perhaps a little bit too enthusiastically. “I can’t wait that long. I need to see him.” Jared laughed at you, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head.
“You really miss him, huh? God you might be worse than him. You’re pretty much all he talks about.” Jared sighed. “I’ve never seen him so damn love struck. It’s disgusting, really. What have you done to him?”
You punched Jared hard in the shoulder, making him recoil from you with a loud grunt. “You’re so mean!”
“You love me.”
“Maybe.” You sighed in defeat, catching up to Emma and Gavin at the elevator. “I’ll never admit to it.”
Once you got to the hotel room you quickly showered and changed clothes, practically skipping back into the living area where Emma and Gavin had ordered food. “Awesome, I’m starving.” You took a seat and dug into the waffles and fruit, moaning at the taste and shoving more in your mouth like you hadn’t eaten in days. Gavin and Emma both glared at you in a mixture of annoyance and humor and you shrugged your shoulders, swallowing your food. “What? I’ve been forced to eat heart healthy and this is fucking delicious. I’m allowed to love my food.”
“You can love it without making obscene sex noises with it.” Emma deadpanned, staring at you. “Save that for Jensen.” You launched a strawberry at her, hitting her dead center in the forehead. “Hey!”
“Fucking children.” Gavin chuckled with his mouth full.
“Well, this has been great but I gotta get going.” You quickly cleaned up the mess you had made and grabbed your bag, making your way toward the door when Gavin jumped up.
“Wait, wait, wait. I’m driving you. I wanna meet him.” Gavin protested. “You’re not driving yourself.”
“You’re right. I’m not.” You rested your hands on Gavin’s biceps, speaking to him slowly and carefully. “Jared got the network to send a driver. You need to sleep you drove for almost a day. Emma’s staying to make sure you actually get some rest. You’ll get to meet him later.”
“No, Y/N, I’m fine.” Gavin argued. “I wanna meet him.”
“You, Gavin Bailey, are exhausted.” You shoved him toward the bedroom, pushing him and walking him back toward the bed. “You, Gavin Bailey, are going to get some sleep.”
“Alright, bossy.” Gavin sighed and finally gave in, sitting down on the bed and kicking off his boots. “I’ll take a nap for you, but I want you to tell me you got to where you’re going without an issue. Send me a text, I’ll hear it.”
“You’ll be asleep, genius.” You sassed back.
“I’ll hear it. Light sleeper.” Gavin said softly. “I kinda had to be…over there.” You saw his eyes glaze over for a split second before touching his shoulder, calling him back.
“She’ll send you a text.” Emma stepped in; apparently knowing full well her brother needed rest and wasn’t going to get it without being forced. “Now let her go.”
You kissed Gavin’s cheek and bounded for the door, a newfound pep in your step. “I’ll be back later! With Jensen! Get some sleep, both of you!”
Your nervous energy built up in the car on the way to the boat Jensen was and now that you were there, in the same space as him, so close but yet so far, you felt like you might implode. You could hear him laughing, you could smell his soap and cologne, but he had no idea you were anywhere other than where you’d told him you were.
Misha, Jared, and Jensen were seated in front of a camera, playing a quiz game about how well they knew each other. They had white boards and the questions just lent themselves to jokes. You were trying not to laugh at them, knowing Jensen would hear you and recognize your laugh right away. Jared kept casting small glances your way, knowing exactly where you were but unable to see you.
“Who would survive a zombie apocalypse?” Jensen read the next question and held his white board close to his chest, thinking to himself.
Jared and Misha used the question to make fun of each other, you expected nothing less. Jensen picked Jeffrey Dean Morgan then immediately pulled his white board back and shook his head. “Can I change my answer?” Jensen asked and began furiously erasing and rewriting, turning the board back around. “I choose Y/N.” He giggled. “She’ll kill me when she sees this but part of her heart is bionic now so I don’t think she can become a zombie.”
Jared threw his head back and cackled along with Misha. “You’re right. She’s totally gonna kill you.” Jared laughed. “You’re lucky she can take a joke.”
“Is it really a joke if he’s right, though? I’m zombie proof.” You walked out from the shadows, making your presence known. Jensen’s head whipped around and he shot out of his chair, running forward and grabbing you gently around the waist.
“What are you –“ You didn’t let him finish, too eager to see him, to feel him. You grabbed around his neck, pulling him down and slamming your lips against his, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, not giving a damn who was watching.
“We should probably end the live stream there.” Misha laughed. “Before this becomes pornographic.”
Jensen broke the kiss long before you were ready and you chased his lips forward, eliciting a giggle from him. “How did you get here? You’re not allowed to fly yet.”
“Gavin and Emma drove for like a day and a half.” Your smile was so big it was practically lighting up the room and Jensen’s was just as big. His hands moved up your back, pulling you into his chest. “Jared set us up at the hotel. Got me a driver here.”
“You knew?” Jensen spun around, glaring at Jared. “And you managed not to say anything?”
“I told Misha.” Jared shrugged.
“You’re both assholes.” Jensen said and you laughed, cuddling closer to him.
“Be nice, Jens.” You admonished, slapping his chest. “They helped get me here, they didn’t have to, ya know.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He grumbled, nuzzling his nose in your hair. “Best surprise ever. How are you? Do you need anything?”
You nodded your head yes and yanked on his cream colored jacket, pulling him back down to you and crashing your lips to his, practically growling when they connected. You couldn’t have pulled yourself any closer to him if you tried, but damn if you didn’t try. His warmth, his touch, his smell, you needed him. You didn’t realize just how much until you were standing there in his arms again.
“Get a room.” Jared and Misha complained in unison. “A hotel room not this one.” Misha added.
“They’re right. We should go back to my room.” Jensen said against your lips.
“Don’t you have photo shoots and big time celebrity stuff to do?” You questioned, making him laugh and squeeze you tighter.
“I have time before I have to do all the big time celebrity stuff.” He murmured. You squealed in surprise when he swept you completely off your feet, carrying you toward the dock.
The two of you barely made it back into the hotel room and slammed the door shut before clothes started flying in every direction. The giggle that escaped your lips was almost embarrassing as the two of you clumsily kissed and yanked at each other’s clothes, bumping into furniture and walls on your way into the bedroom where you fell naked into the king size bed with Jensen hovering over you, staring down at you with nothing but love.
“Beautiful.” Jensen murmured, trailing kisses down your neck.
“No.” You mumbled, moving your hands to cover your scar, suddenly acutely aware of it and self-conscious. In your haste to get to Jensen, you’d forgotten about it entirely but now you didn’t want him to see your deformed body.
“Don’t.” Jensen grabbed your hands easily in one of his, sitting back and pulling them away from your chest. He pinned them above your head and brought his lips down to your scar, kissing a path down it setting your skin ablaze. “This is beautiful.” He mumbled, each word punctuated by another kiss. Your back arched up into him as you watched him, not seeing a shred of dishonesty on his face. You believed him. He found you beautiful, despite the hideous purple, jagged scar on your chest.
“Need you.” You whined, forcing your hands free and grabbing his hair, yanking him back to your face, kissing him deeply. You wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his length bump your entrance and bucked your hips against him. “Please.”
“Are you sure?” Jensen rested his forehead against yours, placing a gentle kiss against your lips. “We haven’t…I mean not since…are you sure you’re healed enough?”
“We can go slow.” You nodded. “But I’m fine. I just…Jensen I need you.”
That was all Jensen needed to hear. You bit your lip, moaning as he slowly pushed into you, stretching you slowly until he finally bottomed out. “Fuck.” Jensen groaned.
He stayed still, his weight comfortable on top of you, staring at your face, searching for any sign of discomfort from you. “You can move.” You breathed, cupping his face in one hand, running your thumb along his cheekbone.
He moved torturously slow, his cock dragging against you igniting a fire within you. Your hips matched his, lazily, thrust for thrust. He was still gazing down on your face, looking at you longingly. No man had ever looked at you the way Jensen did, and that act alone was enough to almost make you come undone.
Jensen’s hand was suddenly in your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck, while he nipped and sucked his way down. His other hand found its way to your breast, kneading it in his strong hand. You clenched your eyes shut, wrapping your arms around his back and digging your nails into his shoulder blades, panting and gasping his name, your heart pounding against your chest.
“I’m gonna –“
“I know.” Jensen coaxed, running his fingers through your hair to calm you. He wanted to do more, to completely ravage you, but he didn’t want to overwhelm or hurt you. “Come for me, sweetheart.”
The fire inside you erupted with Jensen’s name on your lips and you clenched around him as he came inside you, peppering kisses over every inch of skin he could find. This wasn’t about just sex. This was a new stage in your relationship. Yes, you’d both said “I love you” and meant it before, but this was new, different, with much deeper meaning.
He started to roll of you and you pulled him back, wanting his weight on top of you, loving the added security it brought. His forehead came to rest against yours as you both caught your breath and he nuzzled his nose against yours, kissing you quickly and gently. You tried to stop the tears from building in your eyes, but you couldn’t, and one escaped despite your best efforts. “Are you alright?” His eyes showed nothing but genuine love and concern, just like always. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”
“No, no.” You shook your head. “God, no. I just – I love you so much and you are so much more than I deserve.” You murmured, reaching your hand up to trace the contours of his face.
“You deserve everything.” Jensen smiled, kissing the tears away and rolling to his side, bringing you with him, never breaking apart. “I’m the one who got lucky. I got you. Someone who didn’t care about me being a celebrity and just wanted me for me. Do you know how hard that is to find?” You shook your head, your eyes starting to flutter shut as you cuddled into Jensen’s neck, inhaling his scent that you’d missed so much.
“I need you to stop thinkin’ you don’t deserve me, Y/N. Because you do.” Jensen said lowly, rubbing circles on your bare back. “I’ll remind you all day every day if I have to.” Jensen shifted, resting his head on your chest. “You’re going to the photo shoot with me in a few hours, right? And the after party?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” You slurred, letting sleep overtake you. Jensen kissed your scar again and reached for the alarm clock on the bedside table; setting it so you wouldn’t be late for the magazine’s photo shoot. He didn’t dare get out of bed and risk waking you to find his phone which was somewhere in his pants, strewn around the hotel room.
Once the alarm was set he positioned his ear back over your heart, letting the steady rhythm of your heart slowing down as you drifted more deeply asleep lull him to sleep.
With All My Heart - Part 14 (coming soonish)
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