但現實是這樣又如何?754Please respect copyright.PENANAsscqC8odk6
754Please respect copyright.PENANAPFAz6FmGTd
沒法理解,沒法接受。754Please respect copyright.PENANAE1Z0BdVfZj
754Please respect copyright.PENANAh4JPPKJI3g
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。754Please respect copyright.PENANA7iTkKnmO1I
754Please respect copyright.PENANA1O417yV360
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。754Please respect copyright.PENANAe7q9T82YjQ
754Please respect copyright.PENANAPGY31xdiIw
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。754Please respect copyright.PENANAgSv52Jbmbo
754Please respect copyright.PENANAYiFtkAegF2
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。754Please respect copyright.PENANAGqeusDvHbV
754Please respect copyright.PENANAaKaNWEgrUP
現在卻。754Please respect copyright.PENANApFEDa9eDBw
754Please respect copyright.PENANAY8PFZHlK7s
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。754Please respect copyright.PENANANHV0WGU2B7
754Please respect copyright.PENANAROJO5keHm6
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。754Please respect copyright.PENANADV10xkwbi9
754Please respect copyright.PENANAOcZUFSz95W
因為我的童年…754Please respect copyright.PENANAbj4it0ITN2
754Please respect copyright.PENANA2DFH83ZTPb
…真真正正的,結束了。754Please respect copyright.PENANA1b9ZXTtHFn
754Please respect copyright.PENANAUDc50O3Zje
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAiiuIOTjeBr
754Please respect copyright.PENANAGMCutWA9u7
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?754Please respect copyright.PENANATEzFkJpHpF
754Please respect copyright.PENANAF2DZMRWl6L
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。754Please respect copyright.PENANAxGllUesAPO
754Please respect copyright.PENANAhy210YhS1A
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。754Please respect copyright.PENANACstza8jioy
754Please respect copyright.PENANA0SBTCQErOt
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。754Please respect copyright.PENANAFIhapwzi6B
754Please respect copyright.PENANAqi8EeKoVsV
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。754Please respect copyright.PENANAG8gVTEZNIq
754Please respect copyright.PENANAyIGGb4BCeI
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。754Please respect copyright.PENANAWxbSoEQiqR
754Please respect copyright.PENANAu7FCy6tLBn
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。754Please respect copyright.PENANARa5jxCtilJ
754Please respect copyright.PENANAtsjQ13rhuz
愛慕她的好。754Please respect copyright.PENANAMXhh5C9JeG
754Please respect copyright.PENANA22FiJQCH5o
便要接受她的壞。754Please respect copyright.PENANAaz7INcFUaF
754Please respect copyright.PENANAV3EgsQ2YoX
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。754Please respect copyright.PENANA2SvoSKTigC
754Please respect copyright.PENANAZXlxm7Iod3
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。754Please respect copyright.PENANAg7pu6LiSBi
754Please respect copyright.PENANAwdGbCqb2j6
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。754Please respect copyright.PENANAxGXEDhE7I9
754Please respect copyright.PENANAJoo1QtpkSM
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。754Please respect copyright.PENANANp7MVnkdoN
754Please respect copyright.PENANAdKT1NpQglT
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。754Please respect copyright.PENANADsYfgCblnF
754Please respect copyright.PENANAb9OKT21RPg
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。754Please respect copyright.PENANArGuaF4gqyy
754Please respect copyright.PENANAwxidVmEl3b
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」754Please respect copyright.PENANA1FZMNmJj9s
754Please respect copyright.PENANAS2tLo7s5WQ
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。754Please respect copyright.PENANAeNCwJwDXh0
754Please respect copyright.PENANAjmwUZ705gK
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」754Please respect copyright.PENANAj695sj39ev
754Please respect copyright.PENANAwpy9ByLCDA
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。754Please respect copyright.PENANAkjyxcrb2Oj
754Please respect copyright.PENANAdiy1upZQVp
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」754Please respect copyright.PENANAD2LSrfUAxr
754Please respect copyright.PENANAo7cPedyEwm
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。754Please respect copyright.PENANAnCcLFIqly3
754Please respect copyright.PENANAbHmIXB0FoJ
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAuAweYVbyIZ
754Please respect copyright.PENANAaArUGlMELz
然後,我推開了她。754Please respect copyright.PENANAaE8lWf5chX
754Please respect copyright.PENANAPHlYJZCUDG
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。754Please respect copyright.PENANAa13Ol2sqyP
754Please respect copyright.PENANAS017LFBwDY
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。754Please respect copyright.PENANApp25TMUPlL
754Please respect copyright.PENANAKKidnltWAG
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAanEP4T2ryD
754Please respect copyright.PENANA0MmwoaiWtI
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。754Please respect copyright.PENANAHs5waEqC4w
754Please respect copyright.PENANAFL5iPUyeXG
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。754Please respect copyright.PENANAOtoPkpBGYV
754Please respect copyright.PENANARnzpUY3Jqi
「係…?」754Please respect copyright.PENANAAGVQb5LHAu
754Please respect copyright.PENANAnW8XLB3LKd
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。754Please respect copyright.PENANATzhGmz1ucP
754Please respect copyright.PENANA8jNAwp4uOj
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。754Please respect copyright.PENANAlNR0r3rLKa
754Please respect copyright.PENANACQLxWL99cN
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。754Please respect copyright.PENANAZKI2e0osox
754Please respect copyright.PENANAFEZudkY8Kj
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」754Please respect copyright.PENANAaBclR5rP3r
754Please respect copyright.PENANAjnNZCoWCHq
「我先唔係。」754Please respect copyright.PENANArzwCOMm8Sy
754Please respect copyright.PENANAlsPplwkXG8
我早就不是甚麼好人。754Please respect copyright.PENANA2F6TPLJ5R2
754Please respect copyright.PENANABMd3t5FkJf
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。754Please respect copyright.PENANAo0doQjR3qe
754Please respect copyright.PENANAVWEHLLW7vq
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。754Please respect copyright.PENANA8UHq6texdu
754Please respect copyright.PENANAynVhXdjBn0
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAhUXhY47YlF
754Please respect copyright.PENANAroDA7ExtYI
「……」754Please respect copyright.PENANA3dSMmminlC
754Please respect copyright.PENANA6dGKFavSCJ
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。754Please respect copyright.PENANAeyFjitcAhs
754Please respect copyright.PENANAk1s2wIC0lj
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。754Please respect copyright.PENANAlDHShuTZLv
754Please respect copyright.PENANAgA5A39RLN5
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。754Please respect copyright.PENANAOiSlmKh0lL
754Please respect copyright.PENANAzNHI5Ugpwz
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。754Please respect copyright.PENANAVjQ4ItRZcF
754Please respect copyright.PENANANbRdzwJ4YI
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。754Please respect copyright.PENANAWFvUgrkHdC
754Please respect copyright.PENANAHOAm4Qmpiq
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。754Please respect copyright.PENANAqd0INMKQzo
754Please respect copyright.PENANAXC2CCSVdYu
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。754Please respect copyright.PENANAXmCVeZXeFR
754Please respect copyright.PENANAFV3JGLVyNK
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。754Please respect copyright.PENANA48MQ3Qr8pq
754Please respect copyright.PENANA3KOTtbJjRV
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAQfIM0C9IvE
754Please respect copyright.PENANAMxLvr8xzu0
「呀遊…」754Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4GA6SAoeX
754Please respect copyright.PENANAAKMd1nOIUj
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAgeuCwPvzHX
754Please respect copyright.PENANANsioqmV4CY
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。754Please respect copyright.PENANA7HAg9sx1Vs
754Please respect copyright.PENANA8xCiLFQCl2
做不到。754Please respect copyright.PENANAVoofcSph28
754Please respect copyright.PENANAuSXlFqJFX9
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。754Please respect copyright.PENANAbpUcXkuXcv
754Please respect copyright.PENANAq4j2LNG0jg
做不到。754Please respect copyright.PENANA389JyRjm1H
754Please respect copyright.PENANAJuJpI6SROM
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。754Please respect copyright.PENANAdTb4nIi5ru
754Please respect copyright.PENANANDV2yxEDk6
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。754Please respect copyright.PENANAN15owWHH4N
754Please respect copyright.PENANA9dpMWqCBQb
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。754Please respect copyright.PENANALB8nC6YlyO
754Please respect copyright.PENANAEVqcfpXczF
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。754Please respect copyright.PENANAQiR62fEZgu
754Please respect copyright.PENANAe87SHwGuuA
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。754Please respect copyright.PENANAT67uTZNQXe
754Please respect copyright.PENANA056Qsmp2mN
既,沒法坦白。754Please respect copyright.PENANAP7Bjumwckf
754Please respect copyright.PENANAdD0Av2TA7D
又,沒法斥責。754Please respect copyright.PENANAZsC8MjFnJX
754Please respect copyright.PENANAGL9bxIfJLf
既,沒法接受。754Please respect copyright.PENANAob5T2Hnb7I
754Please respect copyright.PENANAKAyHmf15zI
也,沒法忘記。754Please respect copyright.PENANAvv0ytDup3n
754Please respect copyright.PENANAhFA2ka32hU
而且…也沒法理解。754Please respect copyright.PENANAxiwiLONJRM
754Please respect copyright.PENANAa2uF8DKnWJ
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。754Please respect copyright.PENANAifyusOari6
754Please respect copyright.PENANAvdWX9kiPh1
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。754Please respect copyright.PENANAhNMj7ktlf0
754Please respect copyright.PENANAwFOYZF31E8
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。754Please respect copyright.PENANA8HLfOpSAk8
754Please respect copyright.PENANAccjzl0961F
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」754Please respect copyright.PENANAePn1whWXtP
754Please respect copyright.PENANAatwNA2j8nm
「……」754Please respect copyright.PENANAbhVqyFzQ1b
754Please respect copyright.PENANAiQrTXyJRKo
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」754Please respect copyright.PENANA0caDDYeMQW
754Please respect copyright.PENANAAjgKm0IzLU
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。754Please respect copyright.PENANAw5dbrlAKN8
754Please respect copyright.PENANAmWKDH8SidA
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。754Please respect copyright.PENANAaSJjpdLOw8
754Please respect copyright.PENANAsz1bgxEHIN
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。754Please respect copyright.PENANAi7Ltm7cQt4
754Please respect copyright.PENANA5U52VU4IHn
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」754Please respect copyright.PENANA0BK6oRPze0
754Please respect copyright.PENANADJ0pl9113z
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」754Please respect copyright.PENANA0hbMmrMnZs
754Please respect copyright.PENANAy5mOIgrK7M
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。754Please respect copyright.PENANAOPAdaM8H0s
754Please respect copyright.PENANADoFSNS7mFc
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。754Please respect copyright.PENANArrQhPMcQa1
754Please respect copyright.PENANA6EbTpmUwBS
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。754Please respect copyright.PENANAD0xm40PO9q
754Please respect copyright.PENANAYDGvuDSZMe
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。754Please respect copyright.PENANAGKSa3WzjI2
754Please respect copyright.PENANAgZJDfi0ggY
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。754Please respect copyright.PENANAt6Bo8xMjxC
754Please respect copyright.PENANA9jWKOLnRFu
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」754Please respect copyright.PENANA1jK0BjdJdY
754Please respect copyright.PENANAbRRuaSQjLW
咦?754Please respect copyright.PENANAEP4aEa6923
754Please respect copyright.PENANAHbJtzLHA7D
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。754Please respect copyright.PENANACVuIXnoXAM
754Please respect copyright.PENANAHY5C50BmRI
「接受與否」,是我的想法。754Please respect copyright.PENANAwcF14GKmPy
754Please respect copyright.PENANAussgxKBQHJ
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。754Please respect copyright.PENANALcaHTBq087
754Please respect copyright.PENANAXNB4jfC8UW
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。754Please respect copyright.PENANAq9lxrTbq58
754Please respect copyright.PENANAYAIOoaEPQC
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。754Please respect copyright.PENANAC7bL8ExPFK
754Please respect copyright.PENANA23fcaFCanM
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。754Please respect copyright.PENANAiiiSCrR0ot
754Please respect copyright.PENANAA3tB0LC3Qh
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。754Please respect copyright.PENANAzYisbzNO8a
754Please respect copyright.PENANACf5yT4dqXh
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…754Please respect copyright.PENANAJXxUBemkXb
754Please respect copyright.PENANAaUsXVT44jo
…我真的不想。754Please respect copyright.PENANAl34QoECyBg
754Please respect copyright.PENANAGHlXH9ONUw
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。754Please respect copyright.PENANA8DQPlRtV2X
754Please respect copyright.PENANAMNfXDcGs2Q
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。754Please respect copyright.PENANAlYJTmaGV7S
754Please respect copyright.PENANADbvObb15Yc
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。754Please respect copyright.PENANAUYYIi8I1QP
754Please respect copyright.PENANAKpTamhc7P4
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。754Please respect copyright.PENANAd4lmbqMwwA
754Please respect copyright.PENANAKtDyxAh3Bz
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。754Please respect copyright.PENANAPmhNY3OBot
754Please respect copyright.PENANA9WGf82ePCk
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。