但現實是這樣又如何?1077Please respect copyright.PENANAgrFwIvZubH
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMczE0hRpJg
沒法理解,沒法接受。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMpPi3Gjg4A
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAomlVYh4hxP
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAnDYgVE5P8V
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAUCXwIM1KjI
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAD7ijK9Vftb
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAQQFEOHaHKp
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAL5yXl3HkRX
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAciE2oqWsTF
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAjpz4IHLnn6
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAW5fMYpMMKQ
現在卻。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAs6mRHf7kzb
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAwu7q5gpdLi
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA2FSgqZ1B0k
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAZVTDBfiqX1
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAK168GIOy3W
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAIk55y4RWT1
因為我的童年…1077Please respect copyright.PENANA5wQ3LJpTPc
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAxi8YSgwScC
…真真正正的,結束了。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAuYU5lNvth6
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAKAwhi5gn7E
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAl3Q5pi7iEH
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAfsFqoSVqTO
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEuUHGY1V69
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAGX4iG9aeZl
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAdftCGmgsIb
1077Please respect copyright.PENANANntDgaSpgC
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1077Please respect copyright.PENANARio4A7XJuU
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAaLbWdLP4Vt
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEaPJd4USQl
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAcjulxAVBEi
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAxT34Upj9Y3
1077Please respect copyright.PENANApLS1WbBiLF
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA5J0RE7aLKW
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAvqUps4Ua0Q
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAiktmJAic7N
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAmpnpVxIPUl
愛慕她的好。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAFSGFMvpE1g
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAW0ND1sgPqR
便要接受她的壞。1077Please respect copyright.PENANADz2vFJHB7u
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAPtMdY9HQ5P
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAloWpaiXatk
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAo0KMRiYMAK
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAETlFFYA2x8
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAWupZu5aP1Y
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAiLPXvhO0D2
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAIEfZu1skXQ
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1077Please respect copyright.PENANARnzMDpAcX6
1077Please respect copyright.PENANALxl4K5ooMA
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAfhLHlCnGFW
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAH5Pm2S8fGH
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA8vZeVr8pwX
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkHFLcuF3xb
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAZE0MePnE6u
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA4wWvqoH5qS
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ck9hCXGee
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAL8lINOOgft
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1077Please respect copyright.PENANA65Izj4Z5kR
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEEgfWK3ZrR
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAYiefLQPCPP
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAcdUwM8fPEp
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAHnMIEhVrap
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAPjWstd1GVi
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAIRa0GbUzUq
1077Please respect copyright.PENANATKGHS97ICq
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMxpustvb1F
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAw0MzYzm4a9
然後,我推開了她。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAAATLlDJ0qy
1077Please respect copyright.PENANASBoKF4FdeC
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAhZqLT9xLJ6
1077Please respect copyright.PENANArJnV1uM0oY
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1077Please respect copyright.PENANASFXFx9bsRZ
1077Please respect copyright.PENANATPcEcc82Le
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ136eeLnp
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAcB3cl4mh0v
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAzWOj7pNUkp
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAlqmiRcHzpY
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMFCcMXCzja
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA1u4D6yuNie
「係…?」1077Please respect copyright.PENANA8Lb9PPEUPq
1077Please respect copyright.PENANARrJG8GMchl
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA5vLDsjhEAe
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAVsZx0cnSY2
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA4wU7zLkvIe
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAzEssIAy7G2
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1077Please respect copyright.PENANADXUyJpjJcl
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAPfDO2hBshQ
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAGBfSBqd4h2
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAG7HFGS8OqY
「我先唔係。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANATL3wN65vha
1077Please respect copyright.PENANABMzV8XsJNL
我早就不是甚麼好人。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAtIeECO0UJW
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAIsUBX0Oosb
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAqLcM6y9Qxr
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAImTAVVs2Bj
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA4IgI0U2ZNi
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAaK6uC6EnjM
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAWYFwdc2Nc8
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA2jUasBdnkS
「……」1077Please respect copyright.PENANALpSGYCwsMn
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAqFeFvCNscU
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAi2jq9zIgw2
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAAzOQb8oM7I
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAvVkAsUqI5u
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAm4HDWWJLFe
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA0VmggqQSZg
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAOieJ7ODnwU
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAl48Kw9oSb9
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMKtF5BTehR
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAHEcttOKl1i
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAhcBIbBJwvX
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA7S1UTsFh9O
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkt0O9JhGXj
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAHvjLTtjHis
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAbZST0HZy6P
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAenvNOIzZcw
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEg71JmPV6O
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAP7Fb8varEf
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAtQ6654bOTU
「呀遊…」1077Please respect copyright.PENANANHnPBEuOpk
1077Please respect copyright.PENANADuETeIdVN6
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAFPPCOpcsez
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAohZB0RRhSI
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAXRCVmN4z5X
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAYT1XAH261q
做不到。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA485QK8GAzR
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAZICJNkgEo6
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAN3QAnTiQ9N
1077Please respect copyright.PENANACqFVBGEo1F
做不到。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAwFNB1YRoqz
1077Please respect copyright.PENANARRzNTRn4X7
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAao2C66i830
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAlwKV5Tt2f7
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1077Please respect copyright.PENANABh31qP1ucQ
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA5ExoNPq0Uq
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA5BEc8UIZFt
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMde6qr7p11
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1077Please respect copyright.PENANARGcbknedm3
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAwRneBaUxDr
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAxyZ2uRZjiI
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAH78FZLQaae
既,沒法坦白。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAT3CCZlshkY
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAB5v4vtxqVR
又,沒法斥責。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA3B277f6Ofd
1077Please respect copyright.PENANASBYaTcgdvy
既,沒法接受。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAB9zfgrDhif
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAiR034gdqgZ
也,沒法忘記。1077Please respect copyright.PENANASXLv0TXGQT
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA7t5veK46Nn
而且…也沒法理解。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAE8lgXc3plN
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA6S2hMGrU0O
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA2y62hDPPw1
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAGspf39kKlX
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAUdKQyFAaFO
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA10Wta3HGVk
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAt8LHkEH0jW
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAc4xs6xyEWG
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAvQfb31ftUt
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAwm26PwVqWg
「……」1077Please respect copyright.PENANA9uTpl7pETm
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAuDyXqLzdKo
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAdiISNyBZzK
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAppVOuMk2FG
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAo6Bt54ZQQL
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkxmNL70RTb
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAX6Z1I6t3x4
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEwPXrdtfuX
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAqjdqby9xsW
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAukm61di1Lj
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANA6FhYonvpA1
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkNKwTlkftN
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANAEzzJAFkn7B
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAsqgetBGpm9
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAjWpgC1Qjez
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAueaGaMouei
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAlMFA4lxNqI
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAXP18SWEnHP
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1077Please respect copyright.PENANANks65POAFa
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAvKYEdwacE5
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAGu7mGiPZvl
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAwdJW74UHYb
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAT04px4CnLL
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA9E5gNkJZgs
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1077Please respect copyright.PENANA8z9OLNpUmA
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAe8UuhuLbS7
咦?1077Please respect copyright.PENANAHDwt6ROxrL
1077Please respect copyright.PENANADjSTpjl0Nl
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA1EKklfiYup
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAYJfqyirX2a
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAmQSdxstyfr
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAembVLHZYVP
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAnu5Gf0FzLs
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAgYEtqe26l1
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1077Please respect copyright.PENANASo2qrsvebt
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAjjhIXBX2tm
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAUKGLl1bA4V
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAKK09dqmRfY
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkWXuWyj3vM
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA6KOzK7jLpu
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAT7JRyUHgz4
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAFOJLZi3UlW
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1077Please respect copyright.PENANAkiQRsi5Y04
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAMarKYAyy0P
…我真的不想。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAIsnFv1WAbr
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAOta1x73AhX
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAos0KrdLptZ
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAha7BCM4ilN
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1077Please respect copyright.PENANA25Z2GHqwii
1077Please respect copyright.PENANA0OydNs95h3
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAL8H54jfWxE
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAuoVQsRs9QZ
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1077Please respect copyright.PENANAQNtTwlgj6v
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAUOmYP8hEOL
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1077Please respect copyright.PENANASniChJaTA3
1077Please respect copyright.PENANAx5IeqoDVpr
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。