但現實是這樣又如何?1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2V9Y9x4OUI
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZuzNRY8XSG
沒法理解,沒法接受。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAIK9HQzQ1gB
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAmOMzYjnbu6
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1079Please respect copyright.PENANADumOFke11S
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAPANFQM43lm
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAJs2pdxxdy8
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAgjocMqs07r
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAscz1Biivqa
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAi10C2EWBri
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAP7uscMJskk
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAOcd3S4zjxy
現在卻。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAKXAPwC53up
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAq3bQuVRG14
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAxvjfnuBgsT
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAv45UYySGws
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA8WdgwO4l88
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAbkEyA780jL
因為我的童年…1079Please respect copyright.PENANAbqscxCOaYc
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAhGud2Aac5R
…真真正正的,結束了。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAyag8qpF78N
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAOZVO6vwB8d
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAycT4DyTz4n
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA20sGhWaIRr
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1079Please respect copyright.PENANAthVcuLO2jE
1079Please respect copyright.PENANApQjIwDYGIh
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAJlphdGuBHL
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAcAwyU3qqdC
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAz9WHN9FLYl
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1sQyzbGL8
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA9fNN93h2Jx
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAirqx4q3k5h
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA6N4PQvKIlG
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAS7jNVcMol1
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAI9OdQ1a32D
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAcyVL6vf2M3
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAwATJA76RQm
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAvUPXYIdQQB
愛慕她的好。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2c333AQgWG
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAoUe1sLgMeN
便要接受她的壞。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANGxwMMoOM3
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAUyQJiadywJ
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA95eFQicuGa
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA0nZF7wWbhZ
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAHx211FbbAz
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA6Q3pXpegxw
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAqy8Q8aN9AO
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZGsNn4QrgM
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQEtu8DnD7i
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAw4HxAQRvVt
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1079Please respect copyright.PENANADYn4qkCLDm
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA7HPJtlQaKW
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA1zJlNxGndA
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAHEEskNzSkM
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2LjC2ve5dJ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANANEP70aRpR5
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA8xPh3no75x
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAqWJ4C4iJoW
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAewBieZCAGj
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAMDwLhJFFS9
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAdx82eucxTG
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA7NVUoO75Q5
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAv1d0GGiF0R
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAR0XSPY0w2o
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAj4x1DijFSx
1079Please respect copyright.PENANABkosgLJ0sa
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANALULF2ifmyg
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAWUdL3M9FQh
然後,我推開了她。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAFfcfsDgbIO
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAs12Bcsysto
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2eoZwSy7bP
1079Please respect copyright.PENANArUFXtfIW1B
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAX47utDku9c
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAHPZFer9oRe
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA5AxFGEf51k
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA8VF3RfaBHI
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1079Please respect copyright.PENANARgKolSBxZs
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZFfsKEdNbD
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA11MB5OREW2
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAxczJ77HHOh
「係…?」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAvQnduZ0JOS
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA6KD8Lka2Nv
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAftZtb0QvmT
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAhGr12up1SY
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAlRtjQbgUVQ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANASKr77n8RMZ
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA929Rh8N6pJ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAhkhxNsPmzv
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAiWp1LwCPdz
1079Please respect copyright.PENANARiRuIgeYq5
「我先唔係。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAtwpADq6itn
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAmaMoPytr5c
我早就不是甚麼好人。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA409M4HlvEq
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAxKqOFTfR3s
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAOcrEEudBou
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAKB73xOE8XE
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2DI0ysPPIC
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA4bY2b5eEWA
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAjctoelwAxr
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2wFaNrLPR
「……」1079Please respect copyright.PENANARJGr7cAilk
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAmNTnuEbnZw
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAxumbBO1mbo
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAYUwnkB2Y46
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAjiGbRjttk1
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQgw6TLkxqc
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1079Please respect copyright.PENANALgNhzTJhev
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAEnIX8DBuzS
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANQCALYjNBm
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA9WVUyb7lsJ
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1079Please respect copyright.PENANALM8xJ7CSTQ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA11hCfvZE24
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAcXbTF0Ctdn
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAJG3ofrVr3x
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAyDXbsTp8b7
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA560ktZZm2R
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANRj8MGAM5c
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZkgENsH51
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA9o1dxlGnIB
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAUPCdM77o9A
「呀遊…」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA7q5ADet7JQ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAGcGutu5h6n
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA0hg3enmhwS
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAbch0eYGrFU
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAwT5eQSvpgz
1079Please respect copyright.PENANATrqTzltiXB
做不到。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAyTkooNGrcA
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAf47Z0YnRMe
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA9TLUGHLDoV
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA8uVo07PTCm
做不到。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAthLjMzm6fW
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAXgMW1NN47q
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAvCfZxEOY5x
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAJFdzuC196z
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAWbQwYSHHXE
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZrwC3rBSKw
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAH6PLhYZDdA
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA6eseU5gWen
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAVp06kIKBE0
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAj1AEAN6ntm
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAfYVqvupGwx
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA28EK1gR5Qa
既,沒法坦白。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAiO0ILkX5e7
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAPkA06dom42
又,沒法斥責。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAmBk7etbBQ9
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA5pN9DU8lNs
既,沒法接受。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAX58bgTl8Je
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQBSseLeheT
也,沒法忘記。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAgQjnfeJiqW
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAw4lONKsxZU
而且…也沒法理解。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAbWGlzeeJhK
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAOCyuthWJAI
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAbYXPgcmF2S
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAuRrz7f33PY
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAwHk2xfCiIE
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA6l1Cal13ZB
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA4IvjIxsQfn
1079Please respect copyright.PENANANnLMwwrVhT
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAEPiPdE130P
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAl60FJ23I0g
「……」1079Please respect copyright.PENANATxBC9WCLE9
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAHiA26fWslU
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZS2LzXsNya
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAzgAA0k7q8I
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1079Please respect copyright.PENANArzcMMLrAkv
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAKnOmC2WO5A
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANSVOj9nq4L
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAvRhEvKqAeC
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1079Please respect copyright.PENANArnxfLUpA5x
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAfeeWWlU7Hp
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2zx1maXGsW
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAESNfK1xqLt
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANACmmw8QWtxI
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQk6JymYEaG
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAr4L3iDu2uC
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAobQoRwedpu
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAQGXWRh7bcF
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAkNAYNV8WCC
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAn6Cq9sJeai
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAweAcTMwkpU
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAjdta8hvJT0
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA5fF3WHb8I8
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAnO1YyrI6VP
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAFR87E5Vj4S
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1079Please respect copyright.PENANAoxj1pGkwKh
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAKFRJdU4xAI
咦?1079Please respect copyright.PENANASpV7GtvyWW
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAh4hUyKbvBz
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANWVD9bi3MS
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAI3n3y5HXXD
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA1PdpCRMs3j
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZvtF7xU03y
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAlIw9uFjdVI
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAPiSQopBZ2u
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAtar1so7A4p
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAGts20bCvL5
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAUi3rLre2d7
1079Please respect copyright.PENANArO5BWSTJgy
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1079Please respect copyright.PENANANhQoZyL4QY
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAHhqE7EfpZk
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAvbL8SZtxdT
1079Please respect copyright.PENANA3Xjrwg1jjI
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1079Please respect copyright.PENANAaoOMw2JMCz
1079Please respect copyright.PENANACfDr0lMSlU
…我真的不想。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZKMEBob9R
1079Please respect copyright.PENANACmcRsdEhGN
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAWWsy8r8W7O
1079Please respect copyright.PENANARUumBNz0PD
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1079Please respect copyright.PENANA0yYLGyKWAy
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAFtbVAePjbx
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1079Please respect copyright.PENANArCTwEdDdQC
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAsMshT5HJL0
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1079Please respect copyright.PENANABKuGnzvEKJ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANAZJjTAoqF1o
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1079Please respect copyright.PENANAR9zlShmHTQ
1079Please respect copyright.PENANALcDeg7un9A
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。