又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZlAIeoSrc
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ScokPAglx
「…係？」我回答。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8pwrDc1KH
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAskWlZymwK
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K1VJZYe6Q
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KscAhDTc3
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXZhRtwAF7
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfp8ri1i1n
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJHAok4ryc
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWqFr5WGmY
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAK45cz3ry
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx43szMer2
我等著她最後那句。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkqvQN0m9K
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOaC3Pcagm
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4p3UDmjzw
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmEjtMgm3E
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujgE0H6iMz
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTavRNp39q
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WTeGozvVm
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxdx3iUbjJ
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3BJTE48kw
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7khFvvI6W
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyVXgoIbq1
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqy8LnqMuT2
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdroVxFfGs
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIUGXitiUX
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTU3ZI8Vc5r
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUHIBzVZNM
「咁…」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgkRQSxbni
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlRKU6sVV1
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ry51t1NXS
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLDYg1QExZ
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivFQuhDBCo
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV3kIH5mlL
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITasfV3gDl
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TzgX4DExr
「嗯，你講過。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3gFbtvbU8
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWQvzJzxaf
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSSwOvcbIe
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLa2PBSlwg5
「咪笑我啦。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQJkjROQP5
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeykNnhxEy
她笑了。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKK1fUIBd6
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2slTxdzoD
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6taXUzWOo1
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx038HIVpnw
「係好夢定惡夢？」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj5RzZjat6
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8YX3RqbLA
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy07zkQJiYk
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKbLhiGBpI
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iHhSOrnlI
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOYz6abmLO
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwKD703fZb
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuYtKapvjV
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JJAGRM9zV
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEprIo4iA1V
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStsLbLPfn8
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8ZR3Y0ZhZ
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zQ1dRnXhT
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtKICgDrMy
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX08FBjsmjU
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6PPucwcdX
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthTRkFRbqC
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vnX8SQxue
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEHilnLK5a
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYm72cphqF
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YLkDTEqfV
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVJv9JfFUi
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPwpKkpzBa
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvnxNjTsk9
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OiE9ROq7A
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCfNPmmx67
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sWLBNDcyD
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2Tv1yVtCk
萬物的崩潰。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsII0R4b6y
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k2xQYBu0h
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7sVCrKkmD
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9NEMioGCE
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimN9AeMwnw
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpn9VY1eGm
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxubEos6stY
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIGENQ9gWL
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gqUfLHygw
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8lVTHVCAr
愛的反面不是憎恨。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdVv6dFr0U
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGY5dtJeoOc
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuhW8jPO07
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6herc6Ajy
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKnwZeNXYJ
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQ2LjDia3i
這光景，我看過。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT8QUhS0CS
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf42q7I7fJo
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIuNHhvqlT
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaaRELXgtj
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwIyYVaoaJ
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBhLCp8LFu
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCOYq1flEB
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss1cPKmKbG
「無可能。」我搖頭。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKFyjNlJdZ
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqFbIfapAy
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuak9YT0o8
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlPie7C7UD
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbynjbeGBw
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSwX9mcedR
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqER4TsOQl
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWBwmMhFMa
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvaHBuZhwB
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThMAWWk64t
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDo7NF7JrE
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPcn0hQE1w
甚麼也再沒需要了。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtbDrg6lqB
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXY7aXMNFcP
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkezP5GrQo
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKvgFUosuF
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39ueLhddDK
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HY9jjPP6P
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs49IesWjQa
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfd2aE4WAd
話畢。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PMtpOiRBR
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC6P5vxvYU
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLc9HN0qWc
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86JG9V9LG0
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5gVBhkHXK
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQClhR4r3RV
她沉默了片刻。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOo2g8Yemx
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhJfCdgK62
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQT1nSYnr01
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbd5Rff0CVK
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLS4RE41g8
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBERMVL2nW
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkfAo02N6C
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgub5zAIQT
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxYoSOnvA3
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvW7TbZk6r
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX8uC5618e
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nxQhk1sFh
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAr7zjwHNm
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lv7PI1AXx
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJVHOA6bBH
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk3gwdDPw8
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhOqaZo7Mn
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrXqVBqm5v
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4WG0OqRIj
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrG7zLGGU6
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSNKNctppm
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBBtY0e5Kh
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv06Ku0iqqP
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYreJ7MjGC
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoy2RmAMt7y
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7kwUC4X1I
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZRoUEsG6k
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8nFGz2Q9Y
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n9WC2Y5Rv
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2KstlBLoh
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp55fcAKbAo
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8HNhlpv5Y
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7CYRuSl6I
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeyh6vmBfX
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBqZWwb45P
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOyRI2khkN
「……」1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ca8wT4hqF
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUB0td0Tff
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOa54omec00
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKYQ76DEjl
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvWp1sshpl
1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8eNJupFeH
夏天，也到尾聲了。1012Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9G6sHoejc
Penana
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