又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJB8i7iEa2
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPLTLkWxHP
「…係？」我回答。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kKvxwmuOC
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjr09CePEr
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08alQkmN2P
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxXGYZClZl
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gMQJ02E49
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFwyjWUBTL
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSPlwquAWn
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzrFhDGR1d
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPpXCtcO0x
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F2CmEjCet
我等著她最後那句。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y5OYFqAdq
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqUdxlEL2e
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwYdRRPQSq
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCEkpSlPKb
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWmbAm5uyh
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgpdf0XGI0
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBi9lYZsuc
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTh9iYLLNI1
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcGXLSn2TS
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf78js4XRX
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexcGAO58It
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyhdyY9mWE
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvszOc4PMMc
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfioUtw1ZO
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJurkMJPNQR
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGjjQjUIEH
「咁…」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HES8jKwcz
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXViayEz11
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTULn1OkgPC
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve8EuGMUyn
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSwNWVXYRe
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1e4hfl40Q
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwwhEQQoxb
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HI4wXOtkT
「嗯，你講過。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnbjD9b3mf
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHKQr1f3qP
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTgTUiJJ8q
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYfcZbhMrv
「咪笑我啦。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aROjMSiSG
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xaxc69g9N
她笑了。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGghz6xDvDX
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJ2XutDlUf
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetrJTXEPmo
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYgXVCSZGt
「係好夢定惡夢？」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4EovdcjgS
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fB4FP9RQR
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2oDcO6Ga3
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEz9oDjg4j
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnLwt9sbsa
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgr9ZsqOQQb
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunFyNt1yfV
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsoU2RXs5v
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ702yvDSF78
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGemcwxVC93
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR5zo0tzZw
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvr4NwSNgq
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcvSClCB5a
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYU0zieDHU
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgakf4pTHR
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRI8r17DeY
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAfYnIpxMm
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVWw9Hm1KA
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvm1JrJXG9
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA8fkkewks
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PMTwYICq6
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPeZXCwWZC
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3xS4LPhNX
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTFGnTPv4v
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbY2LnPs8F
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85dCNvxeF3
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQk6MEED36
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQs1GgKlPpJ
萬物的崩潰。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhSaWxG8Lp
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk2xuVkFbW
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUNz70ZPc1
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWt3PCQNSp
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaROgOGsHA
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aXXr3ePbO
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVkieDmNjW
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E5BJZPEhf
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡou4DggLjUm
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUuqiX3Kcv
愛的反面不是憎恨。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhO673CE1rR
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemsYrJ2E6f
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUiGZeDbDT
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt42A4S7Ba
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJsIHUR2g2
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsCzJBNjMn
這光景，我看過。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u40wYc0RQ
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQifnDqGGFp
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDXvuWENi3
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2093vK6uN
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdwtprlkdn
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rMrROwyu9
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WnpMH4v3c
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTilNCphCv
「無可能。」我搖頭。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF52O4I7Sph
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCtcHfP8u9
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyeMHVaQpR
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhDHCiHGsj
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLj9IBZq9e
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CQHVtiSjQ
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLiSpSjxVD
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPerjoXIqAY
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInI3ps81vJ
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiSSqDGFF7
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0t4iUVEUz
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVU2bqWBRx
甚麼也再沒需要了。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7mwLoURc7
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSZU97MG6P
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasR0Ef8C6f
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1PbEFaFlC
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaeAHfQwWK
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe1GiCwLY0
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlPLDKkN2A
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFQSUkwvDb
話畢。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnay7zOVnfh
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqqO8Vs2CT
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqPJpueL54
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj09D7sKEp
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClM5FjmFsc
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpRMXgJuch
她沉默了片刻。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33oMG4MfUV
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0eSLgKXnk
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6e1xbrkkJd
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbtYPSU5vZ
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA3IJjyhv8
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6uCPdEsoo
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs8aeoX6jB
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYk0LZqz6yP
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5Lla56uOh
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8duPNY64I7
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhaaioP6nT
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpd2X8Yyp6
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl7khmrnlL
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03xZz9z9bD
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyrfqZb61j
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlH6d3bOklv
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8921X092V
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRysY4yyrgq
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORb7PUbkZt
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIGwBajHtI
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCXgY9vY3L
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd80krbLrd
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OdPn34Z1j
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe29dQAsEJw
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoJLySlDkk
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOcDQ0RBtG
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm73L9tH8z
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ9qIGaLIg
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9rbgLpLo0
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTfyzKA4a0
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIm59s1c3og
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsVw3MCTyT
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwCltgHh8x
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaE8d1PDhK
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFCfSUsdls
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGaiuVJpeT
「……」1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj1ytILhzH
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NXcyBMUsJ
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuu7QurlK8
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdinzYii2o
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdUVazZ8Yh
1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXN1ZeWzNej
夏天，也到尾聲了。1065Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQq7eNpE6w
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