我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gc4qmlECv
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2W4Uia0evd
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRr3FMJTo4
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZSMfF8Imu
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYbJhT44L6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8GT9qp9Qw
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB8wU3CUOr
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlFFB5btET
「妳是…？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrmVwdZupt
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmiesMzuXL
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h79cwaMsN
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzJRCGo4hz
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgIBhxXKZi
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGs21ICwRG
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovmho6iBBa
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0C4woKGJll
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhSqiMSE5t
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7OK5fHns0
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡle2PedLszX
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fbuc3eBS5
「妳是他女朋友？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD6Wtrch99
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNlo4yDcIi
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasKnintdMv
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q285Tl4tP
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKYqBnQMss
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDatc94ZLC
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVifexeIanx
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv63lV37uZg
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnczK5zRtL
我一時語塞，沒能回話。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbH5TEHBOr6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jWQ146f4v
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTcOIUnER0
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM0aylUyrf
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsURnVA7een
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRcHuIUkO6
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6F9aQ5DFr
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQipGfjibO9
「小姐貴姓？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue7jkVdjxN
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUJZdXvFLk
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Dn9N4g3vM
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg5UX8rnm9
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk29ST1FtzN
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNy2RSVzsIX
「糟。」我心想。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfnOPp00xw
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJAmtihOOz
她隨即關上木門。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVCj1P3pRs
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTlKpATlBM
「她知道我是誰了。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5IZ1N2g0q
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQwEqDatnn
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AGEBRsNAF
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF7gi9bmg1
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4Yt7hJlgj
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakRlaIVzgE
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOrEHIAdfn
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w1znZdt2x
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBBmjJjJMZ
就這樣升上了高中二年級，429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGK1gCkIlD
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3krM4i67G
迎來了人生的轉折。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2z5CIuSJw
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzNEIaTwWc
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKdI63n1Cl
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkXhz2n3zi
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a2QCB9MOL
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZQCVXA8kq
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcS3locyBo
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPwX8S3paa
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNNib7WJNC
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKD6KxIKal
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOBWpzECMF
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGP2ZwZRcR
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwGn0Wrdg7
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIPKtrwLeB
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18GtpzC9Q3
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUG92M22Gr
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVSACUy0Mg
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTmDE85HdV
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVkBJkRTw4
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpG0Z0zTuh2
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFgW4Gw1fx
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswL9WFNuj4
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4rDr75dVc
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHJDNLGpPf
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXWvU5Hudm
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCTM5Gt9nu
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkODn5kIz3U
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NZhBDkBdd
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpNkliuztG
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagGdG8g74e
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwKUpj3C0k
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGBVle0k55
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9bU4FKXzA
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ8ZPWAGDI
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdOM3epa6I
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rsTg9cnC2
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LGLKEtF1m
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25uw9r2z98
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aWd9K6Kvr
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRawam1Ptr
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblEtW228Fq
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRqgjOa1pe
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ObznsJSse
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9kGbehCRX
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrKc2GyLY4
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxLdu89Fby
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG0cbIuKR4
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHwI05ei4J
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUNUXx9vm4
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSLAqER4Qr
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB3i6Lph26
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyHqZYljWW
「爸爸。」我喊他。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsHkYeMAFq
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoloOuz517t
父親抬頭看我。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLa9HFDciV
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvphe5PoQxN
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzMGaaaSXz
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHejXtkK00
「我不知道。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9RjZwqSZJ
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsqkekQVOi
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1VfvjgBXH
「我和你一起搬走。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeWgfuJCex
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0xilmAhqT
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZXrY0T6iP
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT84QWhBh2
「真的嗎？」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUknunxXtja
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI1jmOIUFJ
「嗯。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYruCZWJhT
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HPiu9eEIF
「…好啊。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlfVQYHRhb
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DdqXLGjNF
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPIICtfCn6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw4wXhhSYp
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKoy3nTM2m
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ynxKZcNm0
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWdEWRkt3J
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLLn7ZgE3N
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO1i08dIpm
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjUGfl3cvN
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYkyzMWgB9
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QDRuKMgdo
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNlwO5qsyo
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ko3dyUJ0a
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5uZgL8vik
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTEcM6RjTL
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5INRBoXheE
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyICNHOFQWU
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcopnP2HbS
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezq8SlxwvI
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkA0eV1Ika
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjMLuDvdws
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eQeyQWTcq
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3exkP6svT
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV8TZvIeT6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Owq9kr43I
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwCH16BLFx
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFqiT4JeUX
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlJCv2hCbP
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESHfQdI4jz
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTAwmF4SbL
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVKjDJswta
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkZBIAk3rO
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf5pPHkxZS
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEfykxNuKL
但那是另一個故事了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVV3vHEEM0k
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevDpUBLPCK
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidAFqq1geW
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PEM607BJn
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmKUE6RXUk
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuZZbnjOwQ
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVphli0F09
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYBO78avpE
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelSjhOahF3
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVCnrTaNLy
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxKKUxhboL
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEtQOWAALN
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB0ez4XOA9
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBNbEVV7u0
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQetlMVSZ5
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKkWi8KCT7
難道逃出台灣了嗎？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZuCCcaqMT
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFAiMYNjhW
難道…真的死了嗎？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqao81kHzy8
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAqugdZViv
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWQMlqoLEr
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ptPd3DAEF
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8hDXu2efs
但父親不在家。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwIVvRgIRJ
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrBSmSnB92
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hIXr1OrX9
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxveIq8QeP
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYCmqAzhJ6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddpjscL5lH
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy9NCIGwbH
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwJKOAO1NX
「都是自己選的。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP03gYx96wk
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kN6ojzEKg
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY3aU5PMFX
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLsHVorrBw
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJkF59Fcp6
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPiNFAEcFt
「乾脆，去死好了。」429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwiwKQJYpW
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Tt3g9tcpy
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtpEgr9hXD
429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssccdeWsZ6
待續。
ns216.73.216.192da2
