我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHP5TV9Dq1
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出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROXKFkEmoJ
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「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN5j8Vke9C
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw9QmjaiU3
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUTbcVih5y
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「妳是…？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3cvLlOlfD
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qfVIrJjXu
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewxuCAscNl
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpYdUYaEmp
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZ3FmtAT3G
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW4cuKzTV1
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSsAJ8qGTD
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpP2Ljw9PB
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIL9uzdivZd
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcSUk9a5XJ
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMHJdtU78c
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「妳是他女朋友？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyDGRV8cDc
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「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLwUYnKKFg
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdmuQwI5xn
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「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXUmMPqWEt
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZt0JeCwDH
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDPucxCWo4
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhirSUctFF
我一時語塞，沒能回話。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6NXJ8swHf
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcAzl4zzw1
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOT35YhMTaO
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkccVkIyQmJ
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0ZSNV8i44
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj9upE8m4W
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eT9ouhN9M
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENr68OyN8v
「小姐貴姓？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXB69ZZDu4
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruttMPIhs4
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6toT7Lp1De
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7PKIaGfXq
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZN3luTZ6n
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ct65BE3Xs
「糟。」我心想。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5OVIRA1NE
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3DStiTluc
她隨即關上木門。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5rBd78PE8
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaYqCbaNyH
「她知道我是誰了。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJr8pJUlmb
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIXtkz7Gwy
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisZwQT5k66
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgmZmCAaU3
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唯一的線索就這麼斷了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXymCCMLnfh
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF1BrZ8NFy
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyuOIyav1z
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw5I6Das1k
就這樣升上了高中二年級，468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdbWXtAnpu
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迎來了人生的轉折。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10dYmn6gPl
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2OqRvMRIf
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父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1kydDP5sN
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cg8NeyrMW
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOwCjC9GmR
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuZ83BsuMa
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZFqt2VMvO
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRMBe2TNZk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCgQWxArHj
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybKupinYUq
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfbHN7Fz4r
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPexcLTYIi
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xMGGH49B0
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxbCgn6lnr
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwrdCZzPbV
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lQL0ZEHiE
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UgPqtmp7f
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKj36QINH6s
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQVq7kzdBg
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkNhte0ocp
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdrhwgvr5g
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKZOV6B349
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRIvshN6v9
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDBrVaPY8z
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gy8p8mwKf
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCojPOBCCIL
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQAWWALtqJ
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyyzaVH3BW
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGje3gTswC
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkI0LiMwc8
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVc2Ec3Zzu
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHX5VEAPhf
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Us7uC9jf1
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7YT17kFDj
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09d8bsDIog
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRf60ZeYeQH
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucPzvwg3uh
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJ7Do5p6lK
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRw9yIz1iz
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqwysNAppG
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZMMf1IDwr
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqo1usSB0M
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxcK7Csb7V
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfQaKa60wb
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdjMhxjoEC
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHgx0P4c97
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyrgQPFcEl
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbRCcqXASy
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA1CT0D3lg
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjCB61hrOi
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93nBAf4DcU
「爸爸。」我喊他。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSII0sRofJ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNC7TJ6cCK6
父親抬頭看我。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpkFfFb2fo
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xQ3DgEJ8b
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlZZoQlMck
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfTcOHIEVo
「我不知道。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0v0NnkACQ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IMsSrDPRg
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLiGUwkF9Z
「我和你一起搬走。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIYA17L2MQ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6jk0oFchD
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSXPpwTnGr
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bw3JjdJFu
「真的嗎？」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZIqRQvbn9
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「嗯。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjta5I5n66
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「…好啊。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjinRvfCZa
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「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSXj1VGjew
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKosfcRQNZ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOBwrlbvbr
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FaX6ZxBSQ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCwfT9ZzoJ
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LVyS2G2lx
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7nXv8yuWW
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuUDgTkIKk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zHCdObkS0
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPAs2Nj6cK
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOJTAPj5tG
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmPi4joaCl
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFK3rrxoJP
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESGr3uoKFX
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQOoFn3fT0
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2qshMJ6tr
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl4eBggE0m
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUME7Q1Wmz
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBKqfSwpO7
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aingh7vAD
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgghWxLyK6
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZN3ncGWoq2
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOjdsWKlp1
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF27ApVUpm
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqJrXDv3Lk
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmHNNOUOOl
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8XkNDjosv
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbxVFcfjIl
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7Qvtvo4Fv
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof3qKshB6R
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iRBteZPRO
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHebBfLCwVs
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEZluDlLBZ
但那是另一個故事了。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPZLqkFuoS
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRBP275Jjq
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhYymb75ju
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbplozn9CjT
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGRpm7QGnp
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09ips74oOF
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivDWcZSzUE
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUnFEBxQGX
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8n5XOq5ty
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYapKXu8aGC
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQsDznTd2B
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZRFAqclPw
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1YT2oa9jL
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G9CKHJRJO
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWFhwUlGvV
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgGJrc7epQ
難道逃出台灣了嗎？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRLKTTdrHe
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD7f167zDt
難道…真的死了嗎？468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObOwAdigqC
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYBAs39aRF
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Op2WTWVrw
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqmikUXCME
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKKEWHVHLa
但父親不在家。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYyUt6Zgou
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGlX7i2sR7
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCi20PFbfl
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡismlI6vYbR
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI99wMMB2X
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xn0RKrSeY
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbh9OQQ8Io
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpBcV2Ts1K
「都是自己選的。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4VTbn1kG3
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRuMKvfAvT
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsqodVuUfJ
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcHvxVurr0
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WVh2pPsu7
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMabcnmlLaH
「乾脆，去死好了。」468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LkK4m5ZQt
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcJNqTBCKP
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAZnWMbIPz
468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAmyqN8PdU
待續。
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