我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO1dDbRwP7
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwghPYAOgsD
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZleG9rqa5
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmBJ3G85BS
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMscFqCUPUU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmonHxjrYRT
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOf6snwMVog
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCmU9ARZTV
「妳是…？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttpPJZ59xG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ie3oYOipe
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LpDqcfBfn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUSCx8Vvo6
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hNKQtyW3d
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVpjoPmmqE
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuaAiLPZfj
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtKErTOmza
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwCnQbYvJY
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdJVY7ftkH
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsLRwQuAra
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGEFEefdOX
「妳是他女朋友？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ42oAyKRPs
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVhbGRLE9n
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ENBdRrkrC
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOEhD7vvSw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKoHWhmafg
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7FfDZ1fZl
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdtekFtAms
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66GVHJ6Mt0
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4VeovcbH2
我一時語塞，沒能回話。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5M90v5Il1
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8duV5zoD3N
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkgaaGyPpl
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1znv5YCFh
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEOtgbskm2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pd130Bv3O
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby6PuFiCk1
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV10zxi1yJF
「小姐貴姓？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhq6pWYnn1r
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ2mQPs9tv
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qFnixV39W
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQfVhYG5Dz
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPlomusHCq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDA0lKG3Um
「糟。」我心想。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzXkLNubnx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJPjgE8AAS
她隨即關上木門。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHrqHYfCRS
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPihasWKMcl
「她知道我是誰了。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h1541kgB2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMckVzdGbX
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUSTGPxbfB
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BNoSAgIUX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghD2GAfcwC
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTFsIiAbUj
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyR25j6mkq
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngTen77mEu
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh6NAjtcRV
就這樣升上了高中二年級，478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdqu0cvVFs
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKwXrkFFdk
迎來了人生的轉折。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd9wUokn4m
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwByuLRQjOI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rFXmm8lua
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIYS9uz5Tr
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGGgFBuyUQ
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxutK9If1Z
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHT13xXBWKA
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FdSzdJoVX
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRlXUhMbtG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq8rVLOl60
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTtmySicia
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh3qWDkrrp
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH5FFWt0sF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejgQFSJBcK
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0Bhs0K7SZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfPu0JzQRX
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlzHx8bpCd
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkFhfdn6mC
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3ZJwxQRKI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtVGsTIWJA
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy83aKKTrmF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLsPqUSqsE
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y6Cox3ofc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47SCN8T21N
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ85AkHmiD
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9hNNvgdj4
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9DqxK78Z8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHGrughlJ2
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ94XHTjWLx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0qa6dIkf9
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKCIuoL3H6
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt1nqwPQNe
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgbDIVHEvI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56bAvHn3A5
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69ZPjzzTgS
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qlIyUI00s
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU1Hr8SDf7
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDqTebBT9V
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuTcZ0BWPd
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp8P0oOr51
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjZVEdJZ6p
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLnVw0ZouA
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQw46ZmphIE
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrS15vYWMr
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzPZBobTH2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlSZhOAha2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrhA7oGH12
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE465CDya5a
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoA8T48Ccu5
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FeTUFHw2h
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn2W9wS6Cp
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceP7q1BJHK
「爸爸。」我喊他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknEYFN1P5L
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbuSSHKjh2
父親抬頭看我。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PFby3wIOR
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdslPprEoL
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolh4sySrc8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LntwIkbqT
「我不知道。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32OzyVYec8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS9xB2scg3
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTH5uyH4Wu
「我和你一起搬走。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u3YiyvNDU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRXCNeWE7z
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UReD0SAhm
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTRij0gjbI
「真的嗎？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU13kmNe6XN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuXZ4W4ZAg
「嗯。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk5flTwKjT
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlYcNQeSFf
「…好啊。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfksCYy9FK
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcNLPghYlU
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTw7hSimYe
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9IGEz4H3D
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wLiBv0oq8
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgDNHgO6IO
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyRiGFFeUn
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8oUbW4Bej
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YSfaNt9t0
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniSNwZnMnI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXbgIgB17u
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OrB9ntDN4
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafZUzLO11x
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCRhtognw2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5URYc03O43
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlerBgMJP2C
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvsxxRitYD
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmgjq3rynt
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCcsYXesss
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeqM04Xahg
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6hSbvYs0f
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolGb7iekWk
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DolcOhdbz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKLnu88BOL
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6lBD1GJAe
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsIfS0ODGL
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ8ikpq8vF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFsckRyxvB
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZhmXRYoef
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzntNdu7YwR
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStYCO7USZh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3zNWahWVu
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtb2QgZcnif
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11adBvqMyk
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHilToFbBXu
但那是另一個故事了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ2Zl4DivX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡll8SjfiGuD
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oDFD01rBh
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6LFbBv2ZB
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYIryvRCrq
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWVxc7gqiE
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe06E9HzMpI
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1RGSzTMBp
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK35cjXtIUX
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BGeTiWtl7
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTWoPshKqj
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdd3X44o0eh
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvtIRcL9bX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabM5fnnDgH
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxcUNOyv0h
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3XVo5Zqmh
難道逃出台灣了嗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ1G9D9sia
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS452WLzGbP
難道…真的死了嗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXevS6GdCH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgFZA0ilki
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21RoAscbXs
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuxl338o6o
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrl1RcqaXd
但父親不在家。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0XvMq48OC
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxt4FAGTjR
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bJqjAMlSi
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5h9P1mCRM
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFNvTnhf3r
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjLN0lMswd
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8SlD1tgyb
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd2h8zRJVG
「都是自己選的。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPa2MdPkB5
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsNctf4Uej
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcy71c01lH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx9SWaWsSX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmibjJ3TN3F
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhjqFPFCNd
「乾脆，去死好了。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTrmMdNIeJ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ24e2n9zdB
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBOpMLWhgY
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVse9jjIqk6
待續。
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