Kat662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdPAhUCWx1
662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1QZdBlog6
January 1, 2005
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Same day
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"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVySpXhet18
Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc1pY5zbuy
"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSSgtMMD6V
He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwboH7oLIE
Is that it?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwn0t4XQYn
When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly... 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB0ZALmfH6
I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvhNFdJTJE
I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0AxAG5seM
What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWcAha941z
I need to be strong. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCVCvd16AR
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I need to be independent. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvoOSf7cJO
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I need to make better choices. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ07xqnpvNU
I need to... not be here. Crap.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOopXtcP5o
Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0NtGXlZk9
But also powerful and wanted. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd97hwx0t0t
Ugh... I am so confused. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTSJgFm1kV
I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS01aTbdgpL
I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zzBoXr8fZ
Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqIFD4pexm
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again." 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDr6oJxwlD
I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkHKXUkI8I
His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHy3QSvv661
"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHRLanmy0L
"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzFSCwD03f
He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61wvoDhtQu
"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyBhhRIjgf
"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sdAuYeVha
I am so weak. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQasgVMkznF
"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVnxGzs9QA
"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWYyVihsp7
"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcTopvFUl9
"Meow." He chuckles at his own joke.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3C76SQhvH
"You are so not funny." I mumble.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKoG50NVAs
"Oh come on. You're no fun." He tries to tease me, but he doesn't realize just how accurate he is. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiWuoviiKw
Maybe if I were more fun, things would be different. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdYKA8sZ0e
"If only you knew..." I snuggle into his hard chest, hoping he won't ask anymore questions. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre8kzoBfnj
I know I should leave, but I just can't bring myself to part with him. I'm sure he's filling some void and I'm being pathetic, but he hasn't thrown me out yet.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KMyUuCwHM
In fact, he pulls me tighter. Resting his face in my hair. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe9ZeOoZje
"Don't worry, I will protect you." He whispers and as I drift off into oblivion, I actually believe him. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOCGrFIhq0
I awake to the sounds of muffled shouting. There is a heated argument somewhere nearby. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58OccF0n4M
When I try to move, I bump something hard with my elbow and freeze. I hear a groan and feel the bed move slightly. I am not alone.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHYmDA79B6
Oh no. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡze0bxEpD6B
What did I do? 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKwbnaF2Gi
Scanning the room, I realize I have no idea where I am or who could be behind me.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeqUqOfhbx
Unless Vanessa is having a really rough morning, that was definitely too deep to be her voice.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGGg1Ah83Q
Crap. I am too afraid to look, who could it be? Bits and pieces from the night come to me, but not enough to piece together anything solid.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeVxZeXzLc
I remember crying at some point.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vuoTsRV66
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I remember drinking more than I should have.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbMn0x6iiS
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I remember Vanessa being her usual self. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5D7h8cwJ5
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I remember her new boy toy stuck to her side. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSE6cfuwde
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And I remember... Uh oh. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8gEryT6XV
It couldn't be... I wouldn't... Would I?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7n2TQHxmx
Am I really asking myself this after waking up next to some random guy? Well, maybe not so random...662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAjZcnspGs
Oh god, this is all sorts of complicated. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJUHyzgG9A
Okay, I just have to know... I try to roll over gently, without disturbing him. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzm7vMb1jT
I find a pair of amused green eyes staring back at me. A gorgeous grin with dimples on his stupid perfect face. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wxXX6yycg
Crap. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU4JjWEQY2
I know I'm blushing hard, I can literally feel my face burning. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOQE9T4aPf
How did this happen?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGhZa14hjb
"You done freaking out yet?" He asks with a chuckle. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV1fXMYrMw
Is he... laughing at me? 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcfZ3BZ0ae
"Uh..." And just like that, he has short circuited the connection between my brain and mouth. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NpBWFIipz
"Don't panic." He talks softly, like I am some wild animal that might bite him.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUsIHJDUuR
I am totally panicking. I just can't decide if I want to run out of the room or stay and figure out what exactly happened. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI5XsCAROU
My curiosity wins, just barely. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1DHy7HT2z
"Nothing happened." I must look really confused, because he feels the need to explain further. "We didn't have sex."662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYe0aFYq5V
"Oh..." I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt that he was naked laying next to me.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Yct2caiXC
Nope. Not letting my mind go there.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3psKYFdiyR
I choose to feel relief. I wouldn't have remembered it anyway. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH89nT4Dne8
"Not for lack of you trying, of course." He flashes a cocky smirk at me. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFKLAd6TAL
I feel a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite my attempt to keep my face neutral. No, I didn't throw myself at him, did I? 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12AUMHgo0x
I vaguely remember waking up and thinking I heard my name through the wall and then... 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2GaxUEG26
"No way... I... Oh god!" My eyes pop open so wide, they begin to hurt.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl0cipvssy
Crap. Did I really climb on top of him? Yep, I was totally grinding on him.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qFqhY3cua
I gasp, my gaze running down his body before I can stop myself. I take in his muscles, but his bottom half is covered in a sheet. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMJhSHOD15
His eyes meet mine. "Reminiscing?" 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELfRu7Q3TT
"What! No!" My voice is too high and rushed to be convincing. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt99iUb95ll
I remember licking his defined chest.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDfff0jokB
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I remember... 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFd2xlXhp7
he was naked!662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupSYkbYsG4
I inwardly groan. I totally touched him. I know how big he is and... 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVVB5NLjvm
Oh god! I know how he tastes. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvewXWLEwv
"Shit." I know it's inelegant, but I can't think of anything else to say.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CIuVwDVvi
His mouth pops open as his face twists in shock. "Did you just... I can't believe you just said shit!" 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefhaKZMz4j
"What? Why not?" I sit up, feeling defensive. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8Dwnx4R8a
Why is he so shocked? He barely knows me. Why does he assume this? Did I say something weird last night?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQ8HcYdqRw
"You seemed kinda offended when I cussed, so I guess I just assumed..." He looks shy, almost like he was caught doing something wrong.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L54IRHyK0
"Based on?" Sure, I don't make a habit of using curse words, but it's more an ingrained reflex than an actual choice. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQeLNQaJoA
He hesitates, like he's afraid to say and I begin to feel slightly nervous. Crap, what did I say?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GD5Yfz8qW
"You... uh... kinda flinched." He blushes and looks around the room. Insecure Ben is totally adorable. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiYoUsFGZu
"Oh." I'm honestly not sure how to respond because I definitely can't tell him the truth. "Well, I wasn't offended."662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RrfrTtKpe
"Okay." He blows out a breath, looking up at the ceiling. "If you say so." 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYn7Scrv74
He looks completely unconvinced but I can't give him more than that. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcxtVmrXiN
"So." He clears his throat. "Not to be totally awkward here..." His gaze drops to the tent of his crotch before his eyes scan the floor. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxENjDaudDS
"And not that I would mind laying in bed with you all day." He looks down my body and winks. "But, maybe we should get dressed?"662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQg7QudHHt
I look down at myself, just now realizing I'm sitting here in lacy underwear. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiWMPiaehs
When I don't respond, Ben flashes his smile. "Or not, I mean you look great." 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrGtOVFt8v
I am unable to hide the look of shock on my face before I snatch the sheet to cover myself. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCONx5WnBv
Which is no longer covering "Little Ben", if you can even call it that.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavgD01BibX
Oops.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUKkS8yr6z
Of course that would happen to me! I take a moment to look at it in the daylight and wow, it's like a sculpture. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznWLGCQorn
Unable to stop myself, I have apparently lost my filter completely around this man. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmjNBmgLmI
"Well hello, Big Ben." I try not to giggle like an immature school girl, but Ben's laugh makes me laugh harder. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkJA4kpLiY
"Big Ben, huh?" He grins, making my stomach flutter. He shakes his head, amused. "What am I going to do with you?"662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68qFkPrB69
My mouth goes dry as my mind conjures up all kinds of things he could do to me. It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room as I struggle to control my breathing. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tBHYQ5TU9
My gaze returns to "Big Ben", as it seems to grow, straining to reach me. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhodNkEND5E
Prying my eyes away, I meet his green gaze. He's no longer grinning or teasing, in fact, it looks like he's in pain. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfREEVChhbm
"So, you like what you see?" His eyes never leaving mine. I try to close my mouth and steady my breathing. I need to keep my composure, but my head nods without my approval. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIycWIlqkR
I lick my lips, remembering last night. I can't get my mouth to form words.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwGYK9HC2I
"Because I wouldn't mind seeing a little more." He reaches forward, tugging down the sheet. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEO4dgv08S
He sucks in a breath. "Fuck, Kat."662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP1q8ZIBFK
I close my eyes, my insides turning to liquid fire. I love his cussing, like he can't control himself. Maybe it's because of my background and it makes him seem like such a bad boy, but it turns me on, like crazy.662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSSvDa0kyZ
He caresses my breasts through the sheer fabric. "God damn, you are beautiful." 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7dxQmntOp
I absorb his words as another wave of lust hits me. I know this is a bad idea. I know we should not be doing this, but I'm not sure I could stop it, even if I wanted to. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaEWgJqW9m
His hands move down my body as his mouth meets mine. His kiss is hungry and desperate and I can't get enough. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlzzFe6G2M
His hand grazes me where I'm aching and I nearly explode. I need him. Now. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡur5sNS9q7R
"Do you have a condom?" He has to have one in here somewhere, right?662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXQoJQDrdu
He blushes and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Actually..." We both freeze as the sound of yelling grows closer. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx8UcO140E
I pull the sheet up to cover myself just as the door bursts open. All I see Vanessa's fiery hair flying around as she takes the scene before her. "What the fucking fuck is fucking going on in here?" 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAfvjl6tJc
I know her well enough to know when she can't think, she drops f-bombs. Her gaze drops to Ben's crotch, before he grabs a corner of the sheet to cover himself. 662Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ7nFZbD4L
I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the sight of her craziness. "Calm yourself, Vanessa."
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