又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvB7HashAnu
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsyhlPV1PR
「…係？」我回答。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFbjx6wH1Y
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXosASrjO9t
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5zfiOtlAe
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8gUgGCgEH
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58Mse8WlVY
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEWiSkBoDq
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1AkSNKOlV
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpd6pn0oxBC
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFeMSgZq4P
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJvbngeXeY
我等著她最後那句。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLXZUqpPqw
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GezSApPdM
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp6ogH31mW
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsWD0dATNi
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNK4ptyvh1
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTAW8YFgZz
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfnN9PGgPm
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzXPYlTMqq
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sTz8WA4YR
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFvQkOyvXJ
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxzML1Cr1p
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYUhBsej7A
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21wo4dYCWr
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uTetURGMT
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSGdUuzrSW
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEFuZVCdQW
「咁…」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8nzbK0uyu
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc9IWF7aTW
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQzMThwJW1
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpqUGOfFbU
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJdDFroXn7
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2TYZtxqBX
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgHm2soaGB
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeA8dfwbcV
「嗯，你講過。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznlTf3SpZQ
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR09CpYqEsq
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfkDmU8gMD
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO8VJc0o90
「咪笑我啦。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsAHCoIDeg
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLXWnbECke
她笑了。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69wLuHymqM
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf3Zudq8mD
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoybXPtiAk
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkjy8dSRU5
「係好夢定惡夢？」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9nGnnFTco
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡactVj8Kt4z
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAf25a2kuA
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiBL3Tqmm3
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzs6YgNGju
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAbWSLn7PK
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsVQ8IPYfc
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aZSO5BKn3
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblZj6syPJW
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNoTrZIwsM
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoRmhLRPt9
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAL1mFwo4hE
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyiMFxjxFy
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDYsyPtsUm
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedWupLIQva
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGFCq5WJ5h
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvFVk71cQN
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkArlyciys1
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JKWcHQcPb
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBcfLOkg5d
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1G6yu9cBwG
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcupbEYhkE
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVoZeTLVCA
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGcbCExdDL
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTinJFvFklI
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGOWKXeQ9O
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkkxjYLZvS
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3D72ioDfo
萬物的崩潰。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROkngmlkBe
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyDFjSJNvc
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3wBONHAmj
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSj12S3sa3
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7m0EU41ud
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ185aM86xfg
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b4cos7JFp
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHioYVBb0c0
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eHhmO4blu
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQG1Jy1y8N
愛的反面不是憎恨。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdaFeLcW7f
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqwsXAVNUK
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0UolfHsts
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9gqqpggsj
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiz8Zx9Rf7T
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpTlZYDSEl
這光景，我看過。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnjDnBpNCZ
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmbDZcjHXT
我在曾經的自己身上看過。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28cChASoZv
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s3Xih6zHD
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXV0n77obQ
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrMDB6yINn
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24t4OTq6Cb
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63lp5g9Mr7
「無可能。」我搖頭。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2OsYy81Po
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNCUoJatCO
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQCnDHhh8I
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywf9GIJJHb
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0ZD6P1uPW
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaTYMuihBN
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl90AdjwcK7
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00s8ATajVc
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHtPGeHZTm
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vlNB5nskA
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvjd1M9bU0
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLEQ5o76T7
甚麼也再沒需要了。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiJMwV1UCa
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eEys1vjTO
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1han5GWamN
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjRbyHG2hn
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlU0IMfTLyT
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob26XUeqN7
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEWSwN3e79
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36hcbw1qSt
話畢。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3BwfiURdM
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwajon8E6c
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRCu6TPm9x
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiDcwO8JPk
「你想既，幾時都可以。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5vE2kRKBz
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pExSHHE1f
她沉默了片刻。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z9gJNCHhu
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvFm1wLTNN
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5ZQxBT8qj
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfTub83UTl
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G1wSGlnxa
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBsQ7vKxir
「無興趣。」她微笑說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fmIY90TVq
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOrOuH3SMs
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwOOg0CaDn
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFURCYbMyw
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOUY7Y4sII
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH5niOiq72
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjYVPWUNTu
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22jW9GxejQ
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QYZGz86KO
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8QTFsdIss
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQx3gCHUes
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDKbLtvSuY
「連你都咁講，嗚…」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPchmbQBJrW
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFeEPFN21V
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhULjauVQol
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGzwh7KkaF
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTwQjQjynV
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbpPM3jxop
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3z9i4PgNF
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPLzdIPZ8S
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p6G6Bb6OB
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58QMai3E1k
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnEtNfupaB
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bC7igo1lK
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtVACek7d7
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9VIEWkcrh
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVnmzqBqQw
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyiMnCEZNQ
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb5EsrXaBS
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P8Ef3nrTq
「……」991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlczIMvy2wG
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmon2a9zzwW
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF9ZzVnviH
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSa2ZuMXfo
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81P0N67Wkk
991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DmpQQQAZ4
夏天，也到尾聲了。991Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO00V2Cwzo
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