又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtI8rv6CXE7
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5py28nsGW
「…係？」我回答。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvmLZQBkJX
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAilrxJvyX7
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGybW5MqWN
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWDjNfGgTy
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC0AEAHain
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o7gfPUsUh
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrZXyzwnF0
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFFMTbwyYH
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gh6cf5NIk
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlfIe2OlKt
我等著她最後那句。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDUTrIM0hm
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3ewgPZXDF
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYUY4kFgzl
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidLv3HpttV
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnewUGPnrl
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FlVT7sel3
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLw20sg1tR
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRg0Yf4H5r
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpFYNHu7o9
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtDy1wuWRj
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI22fzmRE87
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmkibXULfh
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIGv7WFrFl
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooGn1CeQYC
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj2PICRjf9
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtASQEYuKw
「咁…」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L0t1hg9mP
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwezg9Fa66u
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQo7fJQPyh
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUIJ3FCJeX
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1Pj9xKAmj
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2OHKHxFvg
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVuMA2HDoN
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT4rmiMDFp
「嗯，你講過。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCN7NKI0Q8
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiDJ0URR76
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaHBTjo2fr
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo7dWLfyGP
「咪笑我啦。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhhWOdxIra
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuNDiSfnJt
她笑了。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QlfH0MZpi
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZdAZ0omTL
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ef21t84Pu
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4MKDLco5Z
「係好夢定惡夢？」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP22HwvbbE
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyeEIdTxEZ
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDU8BiOwjru
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M1eEOWOH8
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGTu9ktm2i
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbjn22vxH9
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6hEwAMENY
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFOfolfTT7
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljtj5RhnYt
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTkRPp9uSd
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkZh1mjD3Q
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cHPwkxMmB
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0z529lUWN
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpVcFBmVtV
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRjjrwM1H8
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjyYThnYbG
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAQIA15mXo
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfBVsffWJl
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cMkXd7HQQ
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpvv0RlDrS
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UnpZtXPWh
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH991OWyTYa
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gwsy4o6M8
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoeWfdEHjo
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEgQJkUlID
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TXfRnG8dZ
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwu44dhmF4
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRJgKlqvzk
萬物的崩潰。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gQXVk4Xes
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9Su9YocdX
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrpxySWEpH
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOMIT89tn0
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9rZddnSwQ
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jLUJXVwFz
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVezIuNSWzc
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujKcmUMx0x
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJea0njxJeA
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dDUs4OO9q
愛的反面不是憎恨。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrtxtloRND
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN6kbuNAPc
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafclYzYd4F
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1pnCIxKp3
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavofyZBH1i
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7atntbkeJL
這光景，我看過。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWdvXjxTsf
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqg1QwmEuJo
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHovfMpwe1
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifCEPJnfnG
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZzqBXb7tX
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRT651R1yxe
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrbsCJeRNv
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDdDiij9Yj
「無可能。」我搖頭。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7DxhvMMkf
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf9qqU1yO1
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hXkgBMAud
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPxYREAkUf
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOBxvJZaRG
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5mOBCKnSR
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcK8R5YHYo
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeWqrCUrWx
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdjbC2m1Eg
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazfW7LCwhN
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjW2x3A5AaJ
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXeiD6mxGN
甚麼也再沒需要了。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6Gtbfb1IT
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhkZ3F43JP
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmjUgxpoE6
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWb4GFbb0QZ
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdeUXaTXgf
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgukSANEtYY
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSNKCSuPGU
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlocgzy3Wn
話畢。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0BGLzTCI2
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz9W2E71sV
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSasWCl5wgy
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZZhkycZ5i
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT7DNFPlKY
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNu7wQY0Py7
她沉默了片刻。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITnb7TkEhc
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WbAd1XCr0
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSadP5fbrAg
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoz8MAqs2W
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDQs7CLSEe
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AObp7Syas
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9ffBNFXdf
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxZb0heLMv
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYrfbw2bcw
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnv4ILKBDSf
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDKUcSdRdQ
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwZeAxCLSN
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ764G5cZH
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGZ569r7tK
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMNYdnSA1y
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRdRVKn9pW
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGmwagU3pL
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4JlfYRghI
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EAQxRdnYG
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkxoamtuTG
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TsRFYDadz
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS684rbuJKQ
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMvQvmWT7N
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3tsaDbCLH
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxu1VdpK68G
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPiZ8i7R0w
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNerL2wvJs
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVU6qqXEqz
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2iatpU6J6
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmKvGmnWrZ
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKgeeXZsx0
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj69DN0lFw
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0F90OfcGd
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRStdFCnFR0
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyRXLl50Kn
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeHPbaiaLL
「……」1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ676T4TNAak
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cgcMqLp8D
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc1dEh1XWO
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHn7FBD2Pqu
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPyYtRvOP4
1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOKc9MglaC
夏天，也到尾聲了。1053Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabQuFvc2WF
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