但現實是這樣又如何?1044Please respect copyright.PENANAHoStuJc54R
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAYONgkmkH4D
沒法理解,沒法接受。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAWW299NidQp
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAqdnCtR9kfW
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAQZoAqTUBIb
1044Please respect copyright.PENANASeVDHJOmWI
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA5MSYXocayZ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJ5DntkhwGB
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1044Please respect copyright.PENANABPb6rUyfrq
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA0AwePhAZYm
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgltSPhpcF8
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvz33hpLBIl
現在卻。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAT1rAOmXI9g
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAxrKlIQ1S4T
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAz8sa22KVNn
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAazqLO66AUJ
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvc2RjOFjJ3
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA8f6AohsBYU
因為我的童年…1044Please respect copyright.PENANAO3FM7d49dh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAM4844NAhxX
…真真正正的,結束了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANACFxsNcElgs
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAldFnMDvUZj
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAz4b1sFrErs
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAG3EPx9LkpL
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPYjuBc5TTm
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAThx0ouLrd8
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAlOqcyr3dtm
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAK2LLqfpHEZ
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAp3Slew9ip6
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgzVQVQj7LF
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAOZWGNy7FLH
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtIBrbwcovW
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA5casqwn7ox
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAwpRp83ibCx
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1044Please respect copyright.PENANASS3s6Ub9CQ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZn7hR45XaY
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAT1XkNaddU8
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAc00ADlXV8e
愛慕她的好。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA9khbl00yae
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAVmN7W4gSIn
便要接受她的壞。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAFaFMw46Joi
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAkDcLWHVkRU
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1044Please respect copyright.PENANActVdXmghS9
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA4jIXExXLLx
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdIjTw1duYu
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA0w3ckQeNJi
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA4oirabtiYL
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAE2zJym7PBU
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA9Z5rskA8hF
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgkalUX74Jh
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAKunNbEiKxn
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA9nGF5vfd9U
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAeWvnFMFoQh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANASA5tRgDtL0
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMjCWukHNMd
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAOOHh4395f7
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAiyVwXWOJJN
1044Please respect copyright.PENANARC3tsig9kq
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAsCqAUqAF77
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA3cgjFN533h
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAU7ONjkYJin
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAXHjZjLH3Wg
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtBk1I64VFN
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA0y2MI5nKk8
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1044Please respect copyright.PENANADdXNV4AmyK
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAUS4ywcLuGS
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANASCDHCG2pPC
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAc9pGRH9Xh3
然後,我推開了她。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAq0IiuQgZvg
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAxPgo1ZNzGj
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdVKhU3wgYo
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtZZdzcg0ib
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAxlvgmoA6bK
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAeLjUnVatnD
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANA3xOE5psdyU
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAKLJkW4TGa7
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAUwr7Z0rjjk
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA6hNLN9j4Ex
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA1GquWo5K2Z
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAhrZFqSObRB
「係…?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7Iv0RNl0YH
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA6QcTk0swEH
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAICEeAqvwMm
1044Please respect copyright.PENANATMBo6KZh9o
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAqpJUzx3kMO
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAXDbT7c0jPp
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAYVM0lO4svh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAIeto8rpYo2
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAQKWXdP9yzz
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAwYAQKNzeQx
「我先唔係。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAFUg1fNJvHz
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAcjMXJIaJL
我早就不是甚麼好人。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnBS50194CB
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAb5XR1bECAE
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAZtPKKEm2S
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAXuzfFrNZp4
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA2Epl9Y0Tsq
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAiAoj6rRVYt
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAmzoSelDPGj
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA84EOiXrQSH
「……」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAXrieNqYwm1
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7gPCAYkSUx
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1044Please respect copyright.PENANARXft6hI1BB
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZdctlz9HDm
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1044Please respect copyright.PENANARtYNuQtcjw
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAki5v8kq1Yh
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA79ol2AhlWk
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvFq1pFvYrj
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAyKoUQYPfTT
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7wBr2FbjhD
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7W8PlOf6kQ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAlDGgCYlSy
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtj3xRKVtUR
1044Please respect copyright.PENANANXK8YoROKH
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAosA7P2WDhb
1044Please respect copyright.PENANABLosOLpIkn
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJCXvXlVKRz
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAjXK0C8coNK
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAONSGaTMAgs
1044Please respect copyright.PENANARVzuPWAeAl
「呀遊…」1044Please respect copyright.PENANATiy94QTMvK
1044Please respect copyright.PENANATaR4ZoshEJ
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPdAkTzww5t
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAI8lKNvNF0x
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAfnHvIjUtpO
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA6IgQCTeNp7
做不到。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAghwgyPebhx
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA3CJg28FdPz
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAYEbf32TDgZ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANArArvnChSQQ
做不到。1044Please respect copyright.PENANACLZEdLzfi3
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZdntMhbB9b
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAKyMXd3A3EX
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAooojpxjeys
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA2w1UVuJUvD
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAV3w0UZIO4V
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA8Zh9K4lgcJ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAmwqx4Pz9mp
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAIvHSu143vT
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdbqeyYoE9I
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAf5E3wJXKrG
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAmQwImiuWu5
既,沒法坦白。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAOYaKeTXoE1
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAlAkdVz0tYb
又,沒法斥責。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAyljp2jmBvR
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZJdQJPunoi
既,沒法接受。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAhBizkq0ddv
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAasS2F9UnNO
也,沒法忘記。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAjSbzZG1eqy
1044Please respect copyright.PENANABNhJWoJU1Y
而且…也沒法理解。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPbTnPnUMoM
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAD2IjR9CpSx
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAInQ0yK9Qsc
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA0HqkqUwAOH
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAHRVWC6AMv8
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA0v75tlkdON
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA3UXwJVk9LW
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAutJQTeIHDs
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAWigYkEnOUV
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAsGs5vb93gW
「……」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAqeyx4MOnmk
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvCMvG2bIi4
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAriTYEavBiG
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAlEb2WoQ2KI
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAVi7mfYS05r
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAfGLTxyxNJg
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnVwlesu7q9
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAp5XTVzvyzq
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAmIN3vXvRKx
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAaZAmDGT7R7
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAS4lx4hTBas
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdGX2HJCCz2
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAIwRx3aF8xd
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAFbnrKAJcTl
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMPbb5AozYb
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA8I12iLvEBR
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAiHVluOzXPd
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAA6Djtgcb7M
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJruXh5aHZZ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAKA6dTCbvg5
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA5et3Rqy0az
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA4Fg96BHUzX
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMZtU4Egp3p
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAj7iByElogc
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgQFNtYDAkh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA4vEqVeFfOO
咦?1044Please respect copyright.PENANArVzXjkktqd
1044Please respect copyright.PENANACnlRQD4opO
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1044Please respect copyright.PENANApLGFCe026Y
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAkuPKQgZmy0
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAKGGFrNOwA4
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAwm01JkSuJp
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA65zxta6VMh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPFpSry6Y3J
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAusxrDu1Hpg
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJKoVTydjLC
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJkTiQ9KIrc
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAsZmyLBzlNZ
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJUpAZpqaPT
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAFnPlvVHR8
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAVCpfuDz2wN
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZysyJfLAtL
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1044Please respect copyright.PENANABwnK07STxZ
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAMi441Pg0D
…我真的不想。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAybah5l83hI
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAHKeER3W4lY
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAIFy6oT02pv
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAx0bCL9BNO7
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAHIDwojXGJo
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA5CeV7fUdKF
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAVNBql8BHwt
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAQDDGNIzv2X
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvbVjyrmAPK
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4jocYxqeP
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA74YZUhHtV3
1044Please respect copyright.PENANApN2x8a12bF
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。