但現實是這樣又如何?1115Please respect copyright.PENANANhDqFFrZyl
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAuCmAaeXVPI
沒法理解,沒法接受。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKlVlz74GlK
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAECPteW25wS
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAPMiiZEt9gF
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKD8UNieyiz
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAyG3zvOQWUk
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA1swEra515H
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAWVmtGNYYBa
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAp39yDKLYWs
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAgZl6CJw0lx
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAJdhWLefuz2
現在卻。1115Please respect copyright.PENANACBBhMAsjoQ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAWdNOBLsfHQ
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAluonuBfAvL
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8YIj4XBM34
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANASH03YjXxBG
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAjuF5Kc1LEe
因為我的童年…1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhr4fDVghrg
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKrJ9Wc6OcT
…真真正正的,結束了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8Rw66i1PLJ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhoP2eD5Osb
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAtVPfqNJQyH
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3Jdi66Nfr9
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5jqOaaiKKC
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAA9lqbEnhSC
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAtBrrpCdbXl
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAvC8qKZtQI2
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8exiefP9lB
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAc4xncdwzRQ
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAXAUIBvl7UK
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAMcgVGQSCyW
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1115Please respect copyright.PENANACeExiXhJFp
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAv1EH6pQrIK
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAyGwqOlyGjk
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeqHIQWeAIy
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3MOJg4B5IM
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAdwtJMaQaaR
愛慕她的好。1115Please respect copyright.PENANALVXRsbTHXy
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAcdYcJ0NS0Z
便要接受她的壞。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAi3SOU5d5tP
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAjdzjoi3z2q
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAdYPF9PKrbh
1115Please respect copyright.PENANArXuT3x8rRV
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA00ckFLxe2q
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAG1XOegRXre
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1115Please respect copyright.PENANALZ1oebpFyT
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA6C9KiPgw0A
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAFREVZIsCdC
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAJLxr9jOeSA
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZNwudjxTXx
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8wUA614OQx
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0GMReYFPka
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAqiHhF3NlMo
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZCYtzfu04Y
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAwFtunspvp1
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1115Please respect copyright.PENANASr6d6lCGH0
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAMKHmyjNckc
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAa24I2eIGH1
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAw5tMKs7SXw
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAYeRUkOTjgV
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAckx5fSrKV0
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANACf1fxV9zDC
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAN3WdPaM3g0
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3KLUUorHBY
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAIJJYBK81nr
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAmEGru7FuPu
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAWZttkq2l0i
然後,我推開了她。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAi0lPkSBUqc
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKov7FstzBM
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAEHrIW7GqsH
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAaIq5IYeL8M
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAbhxGNOwqnh
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAjPIJZCqysk
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAEquqsbs2bV
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2wUTzoK5vQ
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAthbNR4lZWN
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAytNExqfmHT
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1115Please respect copyright.PENANASz6JgNceUn
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5iF1KQ1tog
「係…?」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA6tPvitJEy5
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0pjQozOHL
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1115Please respect copyright.PENANApmt6OlHDDE
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA32wa59asYP
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1115Please respect copyright.PENANABmfJ1sqD9B
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAHHwWHF9ElP
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1115Please respect copyright.PENANASnWH09Ojy3
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAmAs9jP8TiJ
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANADGBB67VDPU
1115Please respect copyright.PENANArpa4s5TYsg
「我先唔係。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4z89IsY5SO
1115Please respect copyright.PENANARCEHq9Ta8o
我早就不是甚麼好人。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAsGLw1SjbZX
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAwH486FtwUP
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAsCierLmEAo
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7u544pA3wT
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAmNRUsGzlbu
1115Please respect copyright.PENANACzmvJG5jNk
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAYtiW2teCLS
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAHXNrtlgUX4
「……」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAPYzgvUcNzF
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAaPyskF5Xev
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3PodaY81qv
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAa0aamGGzLe
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1115Please respect copyright.PENANApJLBJDBWGn
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAn3iDiU3D2e
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAQaRntLGBvQ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAPeDHoCpgc9
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAuKTM34wjZ5
1115Please respect copyright.PENANABCJ7CgjRCc
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAoQKONIzT6V
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZf566Y49d2
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAWkDeAty3eV
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA77eSDYOj2l
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1115Please respect copyright.PENANALVjP2gFead
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAdK4AIqQ29w
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAVfGSNctzCU
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAGHZcgqcYng
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANADLWmaxOA4r
1115Please respect copyright.PENANALGAkOx4KCO
「呀遊…」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAFGUjFL8GEG
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAgMgv6osooR
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAz6e6V6l9d9
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAx4naQbEd2Z
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAqgRUCGeQcD
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAmwCbkXgYKh
做不到。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2s4llMhGap
1115Please respect copyright.PENANATkNK9Lbk20
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAxSrFJpu3EL
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAebb326NEIg
做不到。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAxQRRB4rrtv
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAgkT0DSOy7g
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAKc0TW61OCm
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0k6VPdN8Qx
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAfh80dcgPUl
1115Please respect copyright.PENANARyYU0kVRjx
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5jSyXqpy4N
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAyvM18DflWV
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAHwioUcScQT
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhKuAINWRmN
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAhfpNEIpSSW
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAItyGkuOyhG
既,沒法坦白。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAQXo31gVg2w
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAr8SNmu0QQY
又,沒法斥責。1115Please respect copyright.PENANANOjuyt5Z5D
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAcFb9zr69ka
既,沒法接受。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0GNXaOuAoh
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAh4l8f36t3x
也,沒法忘記。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAOB1qfbFBj9
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZNQKqNcFiN
而且…也沒法理解。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAfcXXb1u4Sj
1115Please respect copyright.PENANABIXITo4BSO
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8ZndFjrZAP
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAffdG43fJIc
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAVRWeTrGoXM
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5pFz0zr9bb
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAbAJ2J2nHZp
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAYIzLigIFid
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7myyAItqaP
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAVPjpsPgvvK
「……」1115Please respect copyright.PENANABNsnEmjUUg
1115Please respect copyright.PENANACAOEc51XEO
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAk4B5HHHyjr
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5phosmnK96
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAQExHDP0lRZ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3N1d2qaAW
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAfK2uLP5NhK
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0sMKiicM9t
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAd8OqK5NjOP
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAbibOqtFFXi
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANABX09M97DSZ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANARAiXEXlQWE
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4HqPOJYE7X
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA3j5WOWm5e5
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0xoc2HFbpZ
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2Ph7ROf9vf
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAbXnKX9XIT2
1115Please respect copyright.PENANARvrtLXEooy
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAllG68gVTnO
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA6AGhQBdUq8
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7sTOcYVdpL
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAkmcF3GaiG5
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAj1gihAbbJ4
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAcLWcrw2LQG
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1115Please respect copyright.PENANAbgW0rKcX4c
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeZLqCEwIcY
咦?1115Please respect copyright.PENANAB2Wd74wcoI
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAypOAmuguuB
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAh2sWTpGfHE
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA2AUry1qzuo
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1115Please respect copyright.PENANARz9LECHgJE
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAF3JGDe3uNN
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0xmrUVIQIV
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAlhzkL3FUF5
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAF0tAjJTshn
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeujeou6CTw
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAShIBd0bSEH
1115Please respect copyright.PENANANW2eIKjCdo
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1115Please respect copyright.PENANARmNUTbKDnq
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeb5eAKKFPO
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAIwyMDE4QCP
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAeiEE3SHeCA
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1115Please respect copyright.PENANA4dMRHqPJHE
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAiId1uZJIfx
…我真的不想。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA5eJpaTFoL4
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAkGo6cW06v1
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAN22M0UtI8p
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA8P5CiovwtR
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAd1MSFFeooo
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA6nJBt5qRWi
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAp4OGX2tqxs
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAPMoXNdbXKL
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1115Please respect copyright.PENANAECpi2FKOA2
1115Please respect copyright.PENANAA8zo8vI8Tx
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1115Please respect copyright.PENANA7cOEdOulwF
1115Please respect copyright.PENANA0k52ojaOOj
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。