但現實是這樣又如何?1050Please respect copyright.PENANAhnva3PzcFX
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAof1kS4yamM
沒法理解,沒法接受。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAE8OYbT6k71
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAg0ovcOUn6A
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAR95yIGSPda
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAtnPPG5iPFq
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA79nAVcy96m
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA3gRmq7ddMA
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAO4Za15USIh
1050Please respect copyright.PENANASlcXmBOFyi
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAjk5wLSG4tc
1050Please respect copyright.PENANALAscoG60zj
現在卻。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAzUeUMWleQH
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA6pesqa8zhL
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAXE4kLfi5Lx
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAwBsZVgQrAZ
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAztTcqp9VZm
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAgZwgz9IWpj
因為我的童年…1050Please respect copyright.PENANAvqaw0AUJyt
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAyeSE1oCWGY
…真真正正的,結束了。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAXnMXJyppAi
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAzK4JBMLqoI
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAIC7fjfyEyp
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAn6rcsjXm3I
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1050Please respect copyright.PENANA7XeQzOajlx
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAfo4jJOJGhX
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAYpANHYoWU9
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAR4j6RtTJUF
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAm15k7sKEzV
1050Please respect copyright.PENANATldru8xNAh
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA7wH0HCoy4n
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAEO4NwKE08u
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAyqqV5y7LRU
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA2EJ9Tcw3Rw
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAm1KfjAoz1K
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAkqrFhQ5CDQ
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAE1L1m1x3KR
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAGHBkh7KELv
愛慕她的好。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAoWBRuiqFXs
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAp9xc00Kzdi
便要接受她的壞。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAuT9YI9lXkZ
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA0ag2mB0ptZ
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAnH5xwBGuet
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAx4hQKQPYfU
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAtp2wGVtxHC
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAJHdfiqdV1n
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAwlfTOPvsDh
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFOb96R7Oht
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAGAT5G2KupW
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAfCoAHe8SA0
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA2JAmrZipuw
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAIh4obLE2Ns
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAuZParI8tlv
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA2iuDth7aF5
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1050Please respect copyright.PENANA6xtC4cW51I
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAUAgI8Xqj7K
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAjuHma5A6Cs
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAZCvcetGHa4
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAaRC71zhTWd
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAQYU4rsQqmS
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAMituPK9x1W
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAEmDDve4SnL
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4WIj9Jcjsb
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAMcCsAOjtgz
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAT89ljrbOKt
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAEedlTYVAHi
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAhAgADmGtOI
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAd0zt4bxYnp
然後,我推開了她。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAilrUfIo3ln
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAMFu1kM2ljV
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAksJ8D0pNaB
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAKb6ekpC7xR
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAIVqY6yG0u6
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAdXLczfF84w
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4TcBHl7VAL
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAE6By9mhydt
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlHwvUeWzSD
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFm0laYSBNS
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAaesp1S1zTB
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFqx612gfAf
「係…?」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAf4vG1cuj65
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAII3cKPsNEH
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAoOp6pO1cBy
1050Please respect copyright.PENANATzMA5ar7H1
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlSiLo03n2P
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAPTA73Y2V34
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1050Please respect copyright.PENANADYnKyuRLzc
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA6AdovpOyjc
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAb2LgUCQiQG
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAuMOwsPbffW
「我先唔係。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAF8GnkbJvAB
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAAbgKlzNg1N
我早就不是甚麼好人。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4RF6b10Com
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAtF2wrv9dYW
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAxxpIAnwccu
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAgx79DaE087
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlREI6DS0oi
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAnGSSyHDBKC
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAXhrclVYdA7
1050Please respect copyright.PENANALrKu55lp1b
「……」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAkvTjHV7mIV
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAal5iIquovc
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAzVlwtsYr5Y
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAsDFUceYORX
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA3AUQ981bHO
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAxU8hnLuyZY
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAgb3yaxhODF
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAaXkZQusAy4
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAmRVq3EEZeN
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAzBZrandR7k
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAfy4dQksCmH
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAInwgesrR9Q
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAAf19v6Kubg
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA8acJdu0POT
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAGYt7Ck06rG
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlHhtWCyEye
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAOCjv79P0hw
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAm2LRzULI1s
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4iMFxOl3l
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAWaHzhDmS8S
「呀遊…」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAinet9waMsd
1050Please respect copyright.PENANANnj6Gx98lK
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4oGF4y5Bju
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAV0EdCiU3LF
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1050Please respect copyright.PENANADj0Ror6XUt
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA9H2PcA16VG
做不到。1050Please respect copyright.PENANApmy0pqdhiu
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAniWcte8QVE
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAHXUhUJDWTK
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFiRakLXe3k
做不到。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAj484LhCIXa
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAriPIqqH146
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAn2u6ps6Qnf
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAk5X41Yq8er
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAtHHncGDosS
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA9PWHjOEjL5
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAr2FBARuTbn
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA8IcRBgH3PW
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1050Please respect copyright.PENANADdN5WtkRzw
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA9FCsX2wP03
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA18KM3qhqZ7
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFWr0KVicQe
既,沒法坦白。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFkl9UkZbyp
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAuYUdEwbUZA
又,沒法斥責。1050Please respect copyright.PENANADr4XDJFbf2
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAzCu0CTNyHH
既,沒法接受。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAQC9atKqvEw
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAiPmuWDIF1y
也,沒法忘記。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAkrhTJs5NHa
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAvrGx6nGPJD
而且…也沒法理解。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAucPucLZrhR
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAeX9q077FvK
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1050Please respect copyright.PENANALsR9nnrtBr
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAUeTcsiq8N8
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAgMnHIKHJRS
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAMAGXOUdDil
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAEwT9MNU30G
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAHzRg5PnzfP
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANArbQG5I4K9C
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAALZbUMPN0j
「……」1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4Dh53MADop
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAjUoONLVKHg
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAdp15bTJkzI
1050Please respect copyright.PENANATzPWNOibHu
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAuu52DsKbzj
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAw8laEWhasU
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4e3WGuJrvj
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAqUNMFLxSJc
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1050Please respect copyright.PENANALzphye86Pg
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAKsmL0aFDTT
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAQBKCKT8x2n
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAeMLYb4jh9w
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAk5pu0POn37
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAre3MTdFkgQ
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAWP3PNAD3jB
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA91COIaBBdr
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAS9oqYjDgdU
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFQfolvyB1N
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA7YLOamgWZY
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAfXaiL6nx9g
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAaRltbtFhQK
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAwb5MZXk7qk
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA9uxIV22OVz
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAiWqZUc1OQB
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1050Please respect copyright.PENANAMCWCxn7ifM
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAu5eoxnSOjp
咦?1050Please respect copyright.PENANAHP1TGeAmyi
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAd7jdJsEawR
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA6V51od35KA
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAnk5kJKknIB
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA4515Ec1S0S
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAHTlxxxsc9M
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1050Please respect copyright.PENANASuuzk9yJY0
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlk4KtJBhy5
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA6dMgYhESGJ
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAeYgwNbsfeK
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAvrZ9FkOMU1
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAnlQn7JIyrv
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAdRGlfU1Lc9
1050Please respect copyright.PENANA96FiHrfZ2T
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1050Please respect copyright.PENANANCwkTrAwhS
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAm2PZqnnnAl
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1050Please respect copyright.PENANA3InLOTP0Lt
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAb95kGRxGJ4
…我真的不想。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAVJzzvSbiTr
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAFHrrmlZhFE
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1050Please respect copyright.PENANArXSrmgIeos
1050Please respect copyright.PENANASyL6zCeS84
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAkQ0IblFoYq
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAM3wZXBsZh4
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1050Please respect copyright.PENANA24nZx9gZFW
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAIwI6xCeLG4
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAeesJldgmB7
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAiiKlcC01ZH
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1050Please respect copyright.PENANAB22F9X6znD
1050Please respect copyright.PENANAlZGeV3MwgX
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。