又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvew0VjayQI
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTjA65b6SV
「…係？」我回答。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7pQTYZPBv
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9StKpypAA
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSmmbT3Kur
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOGd1Lycw0
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLd7SN28xg
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrIGuLSzk0
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6v9YJvCXVG
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OYlyYuNqH
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMku98rO0T7
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C1ZIe9b0m
我等著她最後那句。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimTVZzUyV8
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlNvkw6jcb
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNiGUpQcQI
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs0oOcOEsg
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZeN20p4Ss
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TKZd7sz9w
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItC3XfYLUJ
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEu8REUGHO
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ijkl4Il1X
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gaayN94wB
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOVggiEfPn
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfGHVHTVMC
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBX9UpxoCl
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhteXu2mj6L
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN35ey0B3o8
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7haoBJJd3
「咁…」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GDPsy5E02
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EYnpR3zqh
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeUZ3Xbzfm
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdjs4T6VQd
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZzp5c3LvZ
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmJfjZFBJp
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNolx9VzrR
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8GC9j6Ft8
「嗯，你講過。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0h0ZRR66f
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKLD2ynO80
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMJ0sCHznB
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYe7gO6PfuD
「咪笑我啦。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBz3CnxvfS
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfIeKVnrc3
她笑了。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho3tVZpbFm
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6GoKGeXih
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyh4AIWRdN
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIXlpR1HqL
「係好夢定惡夢？」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8U9uA5yFD
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OCLV9khQy
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz3y4ON85W
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qHB0aycaY
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhyXvBPnye
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNrRf5mkK8
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnIs35tQLX
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdKtNUQmuJ
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRHRWFIYIw
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGB3WBzZEA
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREGAycH2mK
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqliJ5T6Wk7
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1X8RX34Tv
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJDN74x6Y0
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikxuMpnrOM
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVY02n41j4
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pyWCwQKf7
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhbdSzU7rH
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhGKnXYyny
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfrbM2lsQV
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4LibVpPql
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu5lFjKWZw
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhejpko6i0
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBKhecy17U
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu2FWMyRz1
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN26HS0IPWj
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiY83UsJkr
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21rH7MOjFG
萬物的崩潰。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOCGbRf5Fn
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6UMxkP7PZ
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppIVlBoSYr
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMdoJ9VrpI
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHXJT6z0md
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cX1kl5RcA
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb27agoyMQa
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLbjuEpse2
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GTCoV4vEu
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47wJkF47qF
愛的反面不是憎恨。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RdJ6r8Unr
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaklZ3psUdZ
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhZgBuAQS9
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4L7wxzv7b0
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY2CMrhEEy
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd4bAo1E6C
這光景，我看過。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tidx5oYw9
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKMIBCMQDI
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j2BvXQCFU
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdibJn1r1yw
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBQf8t0qIu
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN1oECVw1Z
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVV7U1V1U1N
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9U2WwOLZy
「無可能。」我搖頭。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9nl83b40M
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaibqLnQiK
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq57J6DLBJ
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhCUKyMQlK
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmSyNBLGEW
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDsgxACr0B
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwDBA47uwM
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtg9bACUyhB
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWDerALabl
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnOMhQyi6t
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQAuPIftZj
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aC3wEtmOX
甚麼也再沒需要了。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbJJmMya6v
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0SDi8SMjt
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPph70n4ata
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhRAuYn9Rp
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8Cv9sWARP
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay3A06Mt6U
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfeD5mcBNc
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7IbgM14W9
話畢。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcG8mJwGwg
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CIE1FbpVG
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtrhiuAraq
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBXAL2980i
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdrGMMtNHX
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdi2MlAET9z
她沉默了片刻。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj00kClPNhD
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyF50RvP4Z
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHmievdJ4N
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfgV9LB1mb
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBMMb0fmSV
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOZXzD4Ady
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp97SDwsI2k
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vW1WH3l8l
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FEsbayOwV
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2tbWQL73Q
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx1WNCTINs
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkd2r5G01c
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwwO8fn9I6
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuudEoUOQC
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGbnqhfnYw
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxCqNqcJcJ
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS9spcOFaA
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgMFTL6aTf
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmCA9KpaVp
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJEXh50p6N
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8VxUDDrnq
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevqKL0EV4v
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF8NcZxUQc
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA6SIxLAda
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6ZnuFh935
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM7De1RmRy
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3p9wom9th
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DTWDszwrB
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLVKMdBH1q
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweRFsDGkRh
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmMXJAMZIi
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPAyrpE7kC
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMs9z3h2KE
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcw29t6xsC
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmZyqvz6pZ
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3Pj2hXy26
「……」1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrkFVBV4rQ
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruAluTUPqE
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVagKY64sX
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJx4VP9Vhq8
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah99pyvk9K
1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4zMfIHa8I
夏天，也到尾聲了。1052Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUrgBUw5l3
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