又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAp89jWKJXB6
738Please respect copyright.PENANA1BuZYKgkTd
「…係?」我回答。738Please respect copyright.PENANAoU7YnA0EhM
738Please respect copyright.PENANAiXenQbKAML
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」738Please respect copyright.PENANAwXmRWqcfMa
738Please respect copyright.PENANABT6SpGisJ8
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…738Please respect copyright.PENANA4gPmXCVWbq
738Please respect copyright.PENANA46UWhG7I6n
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。738Please respect copyright.PENANAPPoUnbejPT
738Please respect copyright.PENANA2u2MbX5Joi
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」738Please respect copyright.PENANAHWr8K3cyOi
738Please respect copyright.PENANAiVxihq2xpl
我等著她最後那句。738Please respect copyright.PENANAKrtRPLDG35
738Please respect copyright.PENANAOfWMK57VhR
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。738Please respect copyright.PENANARsTFNi6O94
738Please respect copyright.PENANAKvyLAXgCqB
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAdu8wMls8Bd
738Please respect copyright.PENANAq77fVvBULY
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAlvaM42PKK7
738Please respect copyright.PENANAhn46sLIVBV
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」738Please respect copyright.PENANAmn20QX5Qq1
738Please respect copyright.PENANA0kyKhdEfjy
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。738Please respect copyright.PENANAi4pqLkNHKA
738Please respect copyright.PENANAIfksgO0Tzh
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。738Please respect copyright.PENANAI9dbFeixH2
738Please respect copyright.PENANAO6VnQrYNAG
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA1homh25KBc
738Please respect copyright.PENANAOHKIhp6xpm
「咁…」738Please respect copyright.PENANAi1h0iAQm2V
738Please respect copyright.PENANA7P8JAEurO0
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。738Please respect copyright.PENANAoemAXLB9hV
738Please respect copyright.PENANAPx6wvcOC22
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAFAAig03MTc
738Please respect copyright.PENANAu728p9JXL9
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。738Please respect copyright.PENANAW9OziXyVSP
738Please respect copyright.PENANARcOIQwLBVd
「嗯,你講過。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAonpbXeNrnq
738Please respect copyright.PENANAyxX5H1IUQS
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」738Please respect copyright.PENANABKHEfioPy6
738Please respect copyright.PENANArGgynHdOWZ
「咪笑我啦。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA0ZVvUB8pdl
738Please respect copyright.PENANAxKawvS0P2f
她笑了。738Please respect copyright.PENANA9hT95J52bN
738Please respect copyright.PENANAtxihi89U1Z
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAwsHUuw2Z6r
738Please respect copyright.PENANAM22ngGGqBA
「係好夢定惡夢?」738Please respect copyright.PENANABNSDMGSj2v
738Please respect copyright.PENANApcyW2CKqXk
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA1aa8i2b5Rt
738Please respect copyright.PENANAkhcyLw0l9A
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。738Please respect copyright.PENANAm1LnC7nXK8
738Please respect copyright.PENANAM4oUm4fKU4
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA0JeBvzcucC
738Please respect copyright.PENANAWlqT4oqfiD
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。738Please respect copyright.PENANAduIpdwSkyx
738Please respect copyright.PENANABERJN6UGxn
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。738Please respect copyright.PENANAjBg4rbQOyY
738Please respect copyright.PENANAztlQUuYwL8
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAn88sxwbOAQ
738Please respect copyright.PENANANKU65hjp2A
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。738Please respect copyright.PENANAtLYnPXklBW
738Please respect copyright.PENANA5LPNMjIUrA
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAzanOpvNhj3
738Please respect copyright.PENANAhDcdYRu4sf
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。738Please respect copyright.PENANA2HFYyCmEEo
738Please respect copyright.PENANAxuwcWCfJDX
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」738Please respect copyright.PENANABM7yc13IUA
738Please respect copyright.PENANACNFmkGXvbA
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。738Please respect copyright.PENANAgpcB8n95nP
738Please respect copyright.PENANAWsqGYZtysL
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。738Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2MGi0RjZY
738Please respect copyright.PENANA0HhOu5mbLG
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。738Please respect copyright.PENANABMEQMcwUq4
738Please respect copyright.PENANAZpZp4gfut6
萬物的崩潰。738Please respect copyright.PENANAPPIBFGYyOX
738Please respect copyright.PENANASk3b1zxiB9
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」738Please respect copyright.PENANABK7xxoRtL5
738Please respect copyright.PENANAFn3lEm72Bi
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAQrHKmFFenA
738Please respect copyright.PENANAEZ0xwvyfwt
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。738Please respect copyright.PENANAsM9NLu1q02
738Please respect copyright.PENANAbphGpc8FI7
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。738Please respect copyright.PENANAS1r3DaLrf0
738Please respect copyright.PENANAActF3N8mBP
愛的反面不是憎恨。738Please respect copyright.PENANAgTBTdi4DKM
738Please respect copyright.PENANAsHiZ1xG95q
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。738Please respect copyright.PENANAEl2BWy2w2R
738Please respect copyright.PENANAZS8uZpamWH
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。738Please respect copyright.PENANAOKbAAqBwJF
738Please respect copyright.PENANAaXzx8tjPA1
這光景,我看過。738Please respect copyright.PENANAU3mFtQtZxM
738Please respect copyright.PENANAuW8BOEDPrH
我在曾經的自己身上看過。738Please respect copyright.PENANAfTtwkqMdsw
738Please respect copyright.PENANAioim8HT9u0
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA61PCWsBU7A
738Please respect copyright.PENANANPcxxWCgVi
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAR59ndNyk7a
738Please respect copyright.PENANARXUi4352GM
「無可能。」我搖頭。738Please respect copyright.PENANA4y1Na4NZCI
738Please respect copyright.PENANACHW16Hhgq4
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。738Please respect copyright.PENANAjGnFu6lygu
738Please respect copyright.PENANARcFWPUn0h4
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAcUfqzYKHVx
738Please respect copyright.PENANA3aJWQjuTm8
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAlJmlnaO8ix
738Please respect copyright.PENANAGZsmJzMT6i
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。738Please respect copyright.PENANAeeOjyM8aRO
738Please respect copyright.PENANAHksjqiYdrp
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。738Please respect copyright.PENANAyCnpX52WYu
738Please respect copyright.PENANAO01lOGmayL
甚麼也再沒需要了。738Please respect copyright.PENANAYLyE6avyHa
738Please respect copyright.PENANAFVcCSiaQ6Y
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。738Please respect copyright.PENANAPBPhWOmVh2
738Please respect copyright.PENANAZOoQ2p62cP
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。738Please respect copyright.PENANAKEeEsH630q
738Please respect copyright.PENANAhFJvwlmcMK
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。738Please respect copyright.PENANANystNiWRe4
738Please respect copyright.PENANAPMH4ysQBHs
話畢。738Please respect copyright.PENANAw5M4jPztzC
738Please respect copyright.PENANAhCg0kzhm52
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA2P2xe7eByj
738Please respect copyright.PENANAR4LBB2Bbs2
「你想既,幾時都可以。」738Please respect copyright.PENANA2MMsHE9DLo
738Please respect copyright.PENANAEedNSrcf3X
她沉默了片刻。738Please respect copyright.PENANAdNRnsUT7YI
738Please respect copyright.PENANA2UIuG88D6o
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。738Please respect copyright.PENANAReMjG2UzbL
738Please respect copyright.PENANAeKBgrTFwrW
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAmIiMFMd5k1
738Please respect copyright.PENANAmB56mhzXVx
「無興趣。」她微笑說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAFtS9s0OaGb
738Please respect copyright.PENANAoml7nK4HXv
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAaqkQJmdf2k
738Please respect copyright.PENANArGtkNF25E0
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAj8sn5OvtB1
738Please respect copyright.PENANAa47EOiV6u1
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」738Please respect copyright.PENANAxHUv5yPWMx
738Please respect copyright.PENANASTVd4qXCql
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。738Please respect copyright.PENANA4EKvoP2JHJ
738Please respect copyright.PENANApOYEfcIDJI
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」738Please respect copyright.PENANAPALQS0MT8O
738Please respect copyright.PENANAw9eFboaIPu
「連你都咁講,嗚…」738Please respect copyright.PENANANtNiSWIgEh
738Please respect copyright.PENANAQcHQ7NH64P
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAl8gSCnPM07
738Please respect copyright.PENANAKOpxvPNTfT
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。738Please respect copyright.PENANAVHi57GQlQS
738Please respect copyright.PENANA36F5zxUcG5
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。738Please respect copyright.PENANAoCdnqEhaWk
738Please respect copyright.PENANAVM84lBmNP6
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。738Please respect copyright.PENANAwWlqH2UZuQ
738Please respect copyright.PENANA9S4l0JE89X
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。738Please respect copyright.PENANAFuCHTZwaD8
738Please respect copyright.PENANAr0Q0zBGiEL
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」738Please respect copyright.PENANAW5a7UcgGVB
738Please respect copyright.PENANAqU3U58eLnj
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。738Please respect copyright.PENANA4F4R6gY5Cb
738Please respect copyright.PENANAOl2zTbpw3K
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。738Please respect copyright.PENANAfxYFATgzcv
738Please respect copyright.PENANA1NVDCpbIao
「……」738Please respect copyright.PENANAi0SUUx4M7k
738Please respect copyright.PENANA3yS94CiagG
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。738Please respect copyright.PENANAQFVn81v8qm
738Please respect copyright.PENANAjL5gVhIsTl
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。738Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZOxQNylpe
738Please respect copyright.PENANApNf7cn00Zc
夏天,也到尾聲了。738Please respect copyright.PENANAI3wuuMEXE1