但現實是這樣又如何?1114Please respect copyright.PENANA8v9MPK9Bib
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA6gRlpTTKmq
沒法理解,沒法接受。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2JmMN18Yqw
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA7du8bNPJYE
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAt36gI5axOi
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAO8CtqkBVfY
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAXSYsbPyQZu
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAueRUG5lsM9
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA5wYhZIDsxZ
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAp9NMsXCZYB
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEFLXhOmRWY
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAT3SWY8FxaM
現在卻。1114Please respect copyright.PENANArErjkqVKxw
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAGAd1BLinOE
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2aY7dEWg4w
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAQcpFNTlQ6E
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2UjYVKfyb
1114Please respect copyright.PENANArV9nAgLWVS
因為我的童年…1114Please respect copyright.PENANAXSefrFeLCm
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAvsC0mjzTiU
…真真正正的,結束了。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAwTl98ZNdVD
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAKKosqDguv3
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAmY5Y968EDh
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAJgHdz2OGWQ
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1114Please respect copyright.PENANAUfDhYUK89o
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAAOQXQRFOWD
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAGqjo6bo8Pe
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxC1mJoS9rY
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAA2AVyj7oiH
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFTpaTIVsTz
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1114Please respect copyright.PENANATNwnNy9xHl
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAtsYvd5rFEE
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAjVYChyQvYL
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAyaQltwXlP2
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAGmmAB0LNiw
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAQ73EvmsHBa
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAPLqv1s7OCT
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAmX31Ter1nU
愛慕她的好。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAQbHNr1Wtax
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAWu3IGhSEwm
便要接受她的壞。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9XfH61TBDH
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAMT7tp0uVn7
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAD63Pf9E1kB
1114Please respect copyright.PENANADAGYI6W3xI
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAeoRbYShziK
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA0LrvfufY7I
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAXlR4l0cWFv
1114Please respect copyright.PENANANEyBfEJQ2c
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAkKAJO9q8sJ
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAREg32FCBzM
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAjNO6oUhJb8
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAtJT8p50gcL
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1114Please respect copyright.PENANARfAqlol4Rw
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAlWQgufO3zC
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAmTpZmibkZf
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAwrxQWRWJy9
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1114Please respect copyright.PENANATtF1RYsmO9
1114Please respect copyright.PENANABtNsN5w4cR
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1114Please respect copyright.PENANA65rtgTvUXt
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAS2NFedUIEb
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAkcZsHc1T4p
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA1ric7yfY2Y
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAQKYmbY8xjU
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAS4qTSVAVmp
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAM63hiwkwOb
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAMfJlrl0I8B
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANABNsLCraITm
1114Please respect copyright.PENANABX6nNlumsO
然後,我推開了她。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA64FYbvn3k3
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAR04W3jocFc
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAa0fwzoztFZ
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAaa0qHelQlq
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1114Please respect copyright.PENANASIZsnbIahd
1114Please respect copyright.PENANACxGTGVzifh
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAii0h7sc1es
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAXFudphFXAV
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAk3VZeiHnPs
1114Please respect copyright.PENANApkN7YLvQVg
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAliRQLV5j9t
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAR7jn5XsWNu
「係…?」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAOkaHTCrpsj
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAjA1FhCmOmr
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAmMKHBokh6g
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAV4oekouusB
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAYUq9XzGsMP
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxje46QMXyM
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAcx8k0lv0sA
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAqf8PD8a7dG
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAQ7wnH0Usln
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA4nHFk7m0MS
「我先唔係。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAluHxUHXksj
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAeNZ8LaaY97
我早就不是甚麼好人。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9JzYPCnwVU
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAPg4jHoeWXi
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAljjbiPFuHT
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAyQM3H9joKc
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAYAuUvcXq5B
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxuQQgAVm6u
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANApS7aWogaF1
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2461ma5G1h
「……」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAIx3x8TRlJ3
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAbrmd236G7o
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAhPJGXLSVpz
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA8Bec0bDjSe
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAykbPaP15aC
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxxQGsR6G9M
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAmPH6pjkdUe
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAbaptjivo4X
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAj6Y5I0xmQN
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAXIKSMgDKJu
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAeoRcN53AJR
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA6g5hcWvvUe
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAd9yyM845al
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAx0H3uPcqCs
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAJrDtqyY9nF
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAeFirHFOg7m
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAcsrk1gm8Qm
1114Please respect copyright.PENANABxtW3GMvAo
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAax9FZMcr5B
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAZHyvk3J7yG
「呀遊…」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEByEveUBDS
1114Please respect copyright.PENANALsv9rshoSV
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAiKU5mBFWeI
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAj9jim2AMpc
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAWgiiKsNFS1
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA0ZuApEQdwq
做不到。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAHCos3BgExg
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA4bd2sR6yme
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFmYRfJfrpP
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA3UFXvsmsJo
做不到。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEGf7R8VKUk
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA4IIdaMkE6G
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA8JPs5E44UX
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEpcIU6F0Mc
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2lS702ZRwM
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAbnbuLJrk2W
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAeYWMqYJUOV
1114Please respect copyright.PENANABfKieC2vYs
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAUrA0enGGTe
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAaDvA8CUDwV
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAqOaOhzxOSY
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAo2XuccoYcQ
既,沒法坦白。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAcO9Uwu5ChK
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA1fwljrNeo2
又,沒法斥責。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9abaw6xKKq
1114Please respect copyright.PENANATDbmrBKRSU
既,沒法接受。1114Please respect copyright.PENANASjGJPxyQON
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAPL3nuzHI7e
也,沒法忘記。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA6qZhD8CdRt
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEpONrWJ4gJ
而且…也沒法理解。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAAF4FIcs3fU
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAI6sY6uzhre
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9NDQytGgdE
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAtsdoue3WP1
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAonxlpfi2NM
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAdqgl6SOspF
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAjACNdlzDpV
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9sxLDk1VYD
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAs52T2rN4OM
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAYcgOwJIgwU
「……」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAhyDE6cpv4c
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2ScaraUyjL
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANA5pg3bfIS7g
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA6NAT7SmqQC
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1114Please respect copyright.PENANApTOLMHP9ro
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAEV6O2OQ2fP
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAP54D7adzBe
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAtRHhBEFOzq
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAWqLKYKLdIq
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFOakFCSeSa
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAA5m87TFqEq
1114Please respect copyright.PENANARMAvwb6LHW
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2aIMUsRrRG
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxeFlyt1jml
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA6272gcvHtl
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAI7hh8kUpZz
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1114Please respect copyright.PENANALMftJ8F77F
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6SvSKIYec
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA4nfWDmGCM4
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA4pvV35cEoN
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAbKpbvRqwPY
1114Please respect copyright.PENANABVzWav6Cx2
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAoMecwrKtp0
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAiXJbL7yl1l
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1114Please respect copyright.PENANAu5ECz5sDWF
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAnQ85Y7PYLB
咦?1114Please respect copyright.PENANAKh67jgf64H
1114Please respect copyright.PENANALk5WBDX5Xb
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2YGDWbiVIg
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA1eGgc8QsQh
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAcvDjlf2j4y
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAVj5teMa3mb
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAxMJVl3WT2P
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFtiFfTmPJV
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA9PaJWWCJXj
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA5TPwoTz1k4
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA8GNjp9d9Q3
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAuNG8nwnHiB
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA13TWGdaT3a
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAULxkTyValY
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAdbpcMLWA7R
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAvpiz7AbIXi
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1114Please respect copyright.PENANAn8Cz6a2Drb
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA77nx3te1zh
…我真的不想。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAWkaEAl8Tcz
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFSGn9xe4cg
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAFnwLYpS0a0
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAfk1XXNx7h0
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1114Please respect copyright.PENANANLxIhWyM1E
1114Please respect copyright.PENANAHTXO4TQOE9
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAqgTVJRBocE
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA2pIx4b30CE
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1114Please respect copyright.PENANAhoRTXCINOl
1114Please respect copyright.PENANA91Bd1j0TRS
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1114Please respect copyright.PENANA73Qu3WZzSs
1114Please respect copyright.PENANADczsHTjuLJ
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。