但現實是這樣又如何?1049Please respect copyright.PENANA9SJ6MqTrAI
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAlopR2mvW4K
沒法理解,沒法接受。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAHpryylPytO
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAb7HRpknyrf
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA0tuiL9WMbW
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAh5r8YJpwIa
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAiQtM7MUbwW
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAovf2ip37t7
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAQ0VSsL7jly
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAvdJxcKAbUi
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA6vYIrHxfQ6
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAwkndpqas7c
現在卻。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA6s8NJZ8puV
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAXdN095fO4y
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1049Please respect copyright.PENANANbRPecg2SB
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7DbA3YRTpC
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAG7MSlNx42Y
1049Please respect copyright.PENANACZ5IX3biiH
因為我的童年…1049Please respect copyright.PENANAK36VIO9cxg
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAIaOiXhE8wE
…真真正正的,結束了。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAmpG0vbXUYM
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAtON3oG2l7V
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAg5ehMlb7Q2
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAEG8ygvyIke
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1049Please respect copyright.PENANA8gnVhB0uCk
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA1utK5Sdsg1
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1049Please respect copyright.PENANADApXLCqQar
1049Please respect copyright.PENANANHrovQ0eEA
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAlfuH7Fas65
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA2MAUgVsYr1
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAheBTqDsbCC
1049Please respect copyright.PENANANo9xwuMdSa
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAMfa9CtOmdu
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAq4LLkCwfIj
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAaSpIkC4vgN
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAH1d4Wgximz
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAqrUXXpEGT6
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAVuD3w5T1sR
愛慕她的好。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAAt8nv5j9o6
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAdeIMOANRrV
便要接受她的壞。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAcVrqoe9rVH
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAR64onCy7Ts
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAb9jtTS6xCJ
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZFWFab1WpP
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAjX6Q0t3eze
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAGNFX8GhD0U
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1049Please respect copyright.PENANACpONUyGa0h
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZOCocCzEAe
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1049Please respect copyright.PENANARmLltpdcQ1
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA3ivgND3qSX
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAU1MtY79sMg
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAG35HFa0Ve2
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1049Please respect copyright.PENANACyhtA855FD
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxw1cQkc5d4
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAVGGwnth798
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAQJOhxI2fWp
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAmmmNl8HUqX
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAL2IxRaSbQn
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAnVGe79TDMi
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAkOBOsvRvxx
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZPReSY83Gk
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA99Xdh8i93T
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxqCzJSQdaW
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAT9tj4NW0TF
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA0jrCV0Kaic
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAFS3eyNYOGp
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAc10OXlBxO7
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAbeBSYSMj6q
然後,我推開了她。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAe6V6UZAtVD
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAL7ZJXyC89K
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAaAtrLETYkp
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAyJtpEMtA25
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAnEbsj7uv6w
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxf1r0DyCRg
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANApuc0jBYfLG
1049Please respect copyright.PENANASwI4qB10Wz
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAwAoNeGLBnr
1049Please respect copyright.PENANACHeA0GmQ9a
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxkdlqtqi1Q
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA69Nn8TRJQi
「係…?」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxsicxgAj8R
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAH5DpoqAIBT
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAPea6i6NkBZ
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAqG0xBtAXNV
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA2qUCEWlZyD
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAf4AQNYxHY8
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAjS5gpVzeoY
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA1dEfIFKhfJ
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1049Please respect copyright.PENANA8EcKn79UUT
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAOTgBkais50
「我先唔係。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANATM9b4jJ7wc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAMvHRa2A6s5
我早就不是甚麼好人。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA8IQy9v4F63
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA74qV52yRUt
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7WdpwN3pkc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAgavYqLPnDX
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA8FgyuK1FHV
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAYZcRkMriqG
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAIcQleihMuh
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA9gUhBUDYfJ
「……」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAPFaMFWbNRz
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAb4qveaqZGC
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA0llkHPcMbT
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA01VZOVJAKj
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAgt6sP5mYBZ
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAYXbxqwgYeT
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1049Please respect copyright.PENANASrEePNLjQ5
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA83I0S0fscu
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAvk4a8uWdnM
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAJFJRNX6m8F
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAL4GBdT3S3K
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAnxRtP0VoKz
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1049Please respect copyright.PENANArZiGBAduiG
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZbnlrWGKKR
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZANV3cfQa9
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA58b13odykU
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAO90AGuoTfl
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7POQRp24UX
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7AeAmsOd5e
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA00c0mV1mk3
「呀遊…」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAmonbkJlsoc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA6ID4kGAG1h
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANA5RMzqonxYc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAipMLs9vzwH
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAOcEqoYdMFT
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAPX3T2RzNgI
做不到。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA1PIXNJPP6w
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAHPeoGoxhnd
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAh8bqMrFCUL
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxoto18GQO6
做不到。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA9LiyPCZ1z0
1049Please respect copyright.PENANARh0wIIFjhi
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAAqYFwpLuzb
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAzhejNWbRDT
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAIbIQolY0yI
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAF9xTqMu66l
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAL9HRF4FRSs
1049Please respect copyright.PENANABnXsgcBNyX
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA6Fa8G678x2
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAYtQArMXsfO
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAiJAJP21WV0
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAghFNmOJU8l
既,沒法坦白。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAEbCQxYQ3tY
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7gks05czsv
又,沒法斥責。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA4EIKbkCA7Q
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAvVN0GsgupH
既,沒法接受。1049Please respect copyright.PENANARXm77BwG2l
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAHaKHoukBW7
也,沒法忘記。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAvEhbMn29lf
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA71q1WHFZwi
而且…也沒法理解。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAtmpsw3Z5LF
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAjL3FhuYNgp
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAtaAxjcNSDg
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAmTa5j4xr8Y
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAp4oSFzmDvg
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAj17c1o3Poq
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1049Please respect copyright.PENANApHM66AolN2
1049Please respect copyright.PENANALaqdHWlr1Q
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAm38gVIXl8s
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxkHFcgYeJx
「……」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxipPMDjUOM
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA9w1mckoklg
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAQoC8rvsLeb
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAAsZxg4RwNO
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1049Please respect copyright.PENANALRIGwNq7E9
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA1z1ARYQHYX
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAiGD8okCUO7
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA9BabZ8xgLe
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1049Please respect copyright.PENANADxkeobapVX
1049Please respect copyright.PENANApT2jcSrJB5
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANAY1V9QStp3J
1049Please respect copyright.PENANATqJjGJDVxV
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANA7N9JsviX33
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA3w2P1EEEuz
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1049Please respect copyright.PENANArw1g8LcBRl
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAP8Z3uZjCEf
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAEoNR4GMIH8
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAXJZbntahLH
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAuYNesc5DtG
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAlW0ncdVnaZ
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA8LNSEkI8yJ
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAtXvMc3Tq88
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAaBclt1xum2
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAtXyRhNWPE5
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1049Please respect copyright.PENANA2lACP4rX8y
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAgGem4mFk0J
咦?1049Please respect copyright.PENANAcJqX5adgMc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAf76YmryhBt
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAc8dg4C7kY3
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAIlU1SV9QSB
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAYjFnqll9Zm
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAeEAoeCx3e5
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAdNjQA57Efl
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAG3g5WkxZV9
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAxgIppNYlNw
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAN08Ctzsnox
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAZnDpoZYkIT
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA5BQcsuWix5
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1049Please respect copyright.PENANA1CrEyQs0Oc
1049Please respect copyright.PENANADeUkKbho0m
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6XUGW6x8I
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA4HJ4epjerO
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1049Please respect copyright.PENANAWbEehiepGH
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAzF8qZfiEaP
…我真的不想。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAaLL5cp2qfV
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAzm67oOZ5Qv
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAVc5yFprTOl
1049Please respect copyright.PENANA893jzyaLFy
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAKXPJg1VV1w
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAdhCcEpPN8r
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAgt0gzbULhl
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAdWPLsR0oKW
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAuNFvmRfjzU
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAbA32QpcgfG
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1049Please respect copyright.PENANAXwdnzR3vlG
1049Please respect copyright.PENANAGBHj8Px5Y2
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。