但現實是這樣又如何?746Please respect copyright.PENANAxxHqWFt9hL
746Please respect copyright.PENANA4lNlSnk2Di
沒法理解,沒法接受。746Please respect copyright.PENANACeTXY7E4g2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAXgVCKHbb3P
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。746Please respect copyright.PENANAexqgLHILDu
746Please respect copyright.PENANAoWCsysOfn8
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。746Please respect copyright.PENANArHxfX5qLnL
746Please respect copyright.PENANAeXw0LK1REM
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。746Please respect copyright.PENANAyFZbKmDmbS
746Please respect copyright.PENANAWFR3svrJZL
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。746Please respect copyright.PENANAfzeHertEZ6
746Please respect copyright.PENANArIvMidbLjD
現在卻。746Please respect copyright.PENANAKDzyFDQkHr
746Please respect copyright.PENANAKVehc9cSYJ
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。746Please respect copyright.PENANAIpA2jX8TrM
746Please respect copyright.PENANAvHGLQf5VxE
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。746Please respect copyright.PENANAclYNzuAelt
746Please respect copyright.PENANA6vCD8uvTFR
因為我的童年…746Please respect copyright.PENANAwlTTccjvtG
746Please respect copyright.PENANAV4kA6FKkL0
…真真正正的,結束了。746Please respect copyright.PENANA8qvAQRmdeR
746Please respect copyright.PENANA1MfpuW8Anu
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」746Please respect copyright.PENANArVoTE2ACLX
746Please respect copyright.PENANAjpZ7foz4Aa
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?746Please respect copyright.PENANA3MCbrkjZph
746Please respect copyright.PENANAEC5UdxCHK6
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。746Please respect copyright.PENANALcICvIUcOx
746Please respect copyright.PENANAclbPSA3013
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。746Please respect copyright.PENANANVrujhn4ZK
746Please respect copyright.PENANAbApD9FzDc6
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。746Please respect copyright.PENANAQzo78mRXhP
746Please respect copyright.PENANAHj9SQRY9uU
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。746Please respect copyright.PENANAAqLYNwZ3YB
746Please respect copyright.PENANA3lqmTrhOU2
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。746Please respect copyright.PENANAksbyRasuTB
746Please respect copyright.PENANAT3IWzcLA4r
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。746Please respect copyright.PENANADWu2R4E2NV
746Please respect copyright.PENANAj0R0AP16fu
愛慕她的好。746Please respect copyright.PENANAsqvEuQ9fm4
746Please respect copyright.PENANAQlwqEywq6W
便要接受她的壞。746Please respect copyright.PENANApU8I20qI4I
746Please respect copyright.PENANAROjaqb2ExH
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。746Please respect copyright.PENANAxBJWXORWsR
746Please respect copyright.PENANAep37pJHrI8
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。746Please respect copyright.PENANAw6xgs65GVF
746Please respect copyright.PENANAf2OdWgAqaE
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。746Please respect copyright.PENANAcKylQzL0Al
746Please respect copyright.PENANAMPX0OZSWV2
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。746Please respect copyright.PENANAP0vcBlBTFY
746Please respect copyright.PENANAXqvd2Udzt7
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。746Please respect copyright.PENANAixSdjix0FX
746Please respect copyright.PENANAiRlJwrDryZ
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。746Please respect copyright.PENANAxzkB7YVoR2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAndfK5aGDaC
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」746Please respect copyright.PENANAJKQCmUyzlx
746Please respect copyright.PENANAX0zDYJsxke
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。746Please respect copyright.PENANAKqnDU4UceC
746Please respect copyright.PENANAGXznrIHOXt
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」746Please respect copyright.PENANAQqSkIQ0iTk
746Please respect copyright.PENANAvHDah1EGZH
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。746Please respect copyright.PENANAuadZMN729w
746Please respect copyright.PENANAQj5W4fR0na
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」746Please respect copyright.PENANAzAG8qodgVF
746Please respect copyright.PENANAYZuvvJmpzj
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。746Please respect copyright.PENANAl1X0ALZ38v
746Please respect copyright.PENANALkEcWdyIWw
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」746Please respect copyright.PENANACtGMUr1GKq
746Please respect copyright.PENANAYCVrUhoeYl
然後,我推開了她。746Please respect copyright.PENANAMxRZ7PTrzc
746Please respect copyright.PENANAJ82mBOZVmz
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。746Please respect copyright.PENANAbVR53VGhQR
746Please respect copyright.PENANAycAz7mn102
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。746Please respect copyright.PENANAUamessZuUf
746Please respect copyright.PENANA4J9CDkJXXS
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAeR3lY1c36Z
746Please respect copyright.PENANAbFqDW7zxBp
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。746Please respect copyright.PENANAf5yupkPMND
746Please respect copyright.PENANARGfxG9teal
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。746Please respect copyright.PENANABT3FoLHzwM
746Please respect copyright.PENANAH98N802R2u
「係…?」746Please respect copyright.PENANAeLmEV97idX
746Please respect copyright.PENANAdx5C1oNxWf
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。746Please respect copyright.PENANA2zZOFS7pIx
746Please respect copyright.PENANAWn30BIUigq
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。746Please respect copyright.PENANAnZpocxIK0T
746Please respect copyright.PENANApnCML6YNLQ
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。746Please respect copyright.PENANAYBn7jYulHM
746Please respect copyright.PENANA06B9uwqltz
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」746Please respect copyright.PENANAlNFmvVmqz0
746Please respect copyright.PENANA9ehzRUDhkx
「我先唔係。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAPukl7d6vdm
746Please respect copyright.PENANAkwTrCQapPf
我早就不是甚麼好人。746Please respect copyright.PENANAPp8JWrbJlS
746Please respect copyright.PENANAlXf1DjBWqj
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。746Please respect copyright.PENANA7sa5fH23kc
746Please respect copyright.PENANATJS1oxNxzx
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。746Please respect copyright.PENANAhGMdYKjLP2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAy1WEr6hiRT
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」746Please respect copyright.PENANASl2fnEtldW
746Please respect copyright.PENANA5OcHfinWmV
「……」746Please respect copyright.PENANAqLV8vWnW2f
746Please respect copyright.PENANAQKzWWlCeAE
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。746Please respect copyright.PENANA04heUtvG1c
746Please respect copyright.PENANA9zsMgVPr5u
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。746Please respect copyright.PENANA9HOkuVRQdy
746Please respect copyright.PENANAcbkJ5ZumK1
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。746Please respect copyright.PENANAXobxozuKU4
746Please respect copyright.PENANA9lnfueHTQs
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。746Please respect copyright.PENANAMaiejzgl3T
746Please respect copyright.PENANAqkkoqIqLgO
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。746Please respect copyright.PENANAa91W3HHJgx
746Please respect copyright.PENANAy2ztAGsY1H
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。746Please respect copyright.PENANAzLAuNxPnQA
746Please respect copyright.PENANAWoXr38q4CC
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。746Please respect copyright.PENANAsSM9nRvKg8
746Please respect copyright.PENANA6CtYnH9Lkv
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。746Please respect copyright.PENANAZLrwWkx3Wr
746Please respect copyright.PENANAgUOUfU5zlF
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAhm1NEzQNNn
746Please respect copyright.PENANAgPo7Ttu0BQ
「呀遊…」746Please respect copyright.PENANAvkWSDRLFYf
746Please respect copyright.PENANA09C5nJMio9
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」746Please respect copyright.PENANARfQV46sFxQ
746Please respect copyright.PENANAgT5nH6G5oK
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。746Please respect copyright.PENANAQSgLrgKyde
746Please respect copyright.PENANAwbvt23boBH
做不到。746Please respect copyright.PENANAkAdu8Ysqxi
746Please respect copyright.PENANAKRqtgGrxO3
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。746Please respect copyright.PENANAz5gnzAxDAh
746Please respect copyright.PENANATqnSJTrusN
做不到。746Please respect copyright.PENANAClNxaJdAg2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAV18NIIby3z
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。746Please respect copyright.PENANARqSoIJAPz2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAddSdmx0SeH
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。746Please respect copyright.PENANAstvDWru8wd
746Please respect copyright.PENANA2qSTLYkPxz
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。746Please respect copyright.PENANAnGoeqh5FCn
746Please respect copyright.PENANAQcOERyrs4T
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。746Please respect copyright.PENANAZG96qztvkq
746Please respect copyright.PENANA6QYx8R8gW6
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。746Please respect copyright.PENANAUE7FhWDgM6
746Please respect copyright.PENANAAXm4aSu36H
既,沒法坦白。746Please respect copyright.PENANA8s57o6RTSV
746Please respect copyright.PENANAPdWeVdElD2
又,沒法斥責。746Please respect copyright.PENANApSjN9TvICQ
746Please respect copyright.PENANADttfOnzled
既,沒法接受。746Please respect copyright.PENANAzG2Q7K8Zi2
746Please respect copyright.PENANAUvrACJACIu
也,沒法忘記。746Please respect copyright.PENANAArIgkQ6d2N
746Please respect copyright.PENANAikUndbve8N
而且…也沒法理解。746Please respect copyright.PENANAC5XICraT0W
746Please respect copyright.PENANABpuRsWNNc9
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。746Please respect copyright.PENANA0bHSAAar4J
746Please respect copyright.PENANAq3gHkThzHI
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。746Please respect copyright.PENANAvKlTbpvwU3
746Please respect copyright.PENANALutaoio1qq
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。746Please respect copyright.PENANAhPMK7CYL3T
746Please respect copyright.PENANACMyQ3TqFVE
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAVyd4XDDFPe
746Please respect copyright.PENANAFeGn506qHV
「……」746Please respect copyright.PENANAo1lWZXd7SO
746Please respect copyright.PENANAJpWtFfMDTv
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」746Please respect copyright.PENANANY2G9Ks0jh
746Please respect copyright.PENANAqYUS6jNQmM
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。746Please respect copyright.PENANAqUtMwXSLdW
746Please respect copyright.PENANAavF2qnplPn
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。746Please respect copyright.PENANA15C9DbbT0X
746Please respect copyright.PENANAxKLpH5URJN
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。746Please respect copyright.PENANAGLZ07mthLT
746Please respect copyright.PENANAnOVcMVJAmh
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAbGtcrJs82C
746Please respect copyright.PENANAhf5DKAKHkk
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」746Please respect copyright.PENANAXVz1Bq6DTg
746Please respect copyright.PENANAyROldT4HJX
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。746Please respect copyright.PENANAsEdRb2jI0a
746Please respect copyright.PENANAQTFPCHjLDR
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。746Please respect copyright.PENANAulauyvnPks
746Please respect copyright.PENANAqsYGNtpti9
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。746Please respect copyright.PENANA2SK5J5GVg1
746Please respect copyright.PENANAIypZ2OKGAv
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。746Please respect copyright.PENANAn93JIXO9dw
746Please respect copyright.PENANAqzSBotuHqT
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。746Please respect copyright.PENANAfq73ZT21Uf
746Please respect copyright.PENANAEDwJKOVdnT
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」746Please respect copyright.PENANATr8yRPFRLj
746Please respect copyright.PENANAytk3KutnyK
咦?746Please respect copyright.PENANAUq2pNVpBWE
746Please respect copyright.PENANAKLODhCkPKC
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。746Please respect copyright.PENANAG8cxe0gbQ0
746Please respect copyright.PENANAAvnh3FNvaF
「接受與否」,是我的想法。746Please respect copyright.PENANAPRnIJo6gHT
746Please respect copyright.PENANAIo5BcZtvtO
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。746Please respect copyright.PENANAQqjmBJR3Nl
746Please respect copyright.PENANAK2zutdAYyk
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。746Please respect copyright.PENANAhhxleiS7uX
746Please respect copyright.PENANAroKj1I34Ya
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。746Please respect copyright.PENANAb5dBOpq5cn
746Please respect copyright.PENANA9Vw3C4hez9
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。746Please respect copyright.PENANA5XuOCW4IQJ
746Please respect copyright.PENANAnyBSqB1x2c
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。746Please respect copyright.PENANA9HowySM9Wt
746Please respect copyright.PENANAyzBKkd9iJk
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…746Please respect copyright.PENANAM48w1QzLiZ
746Please respect copyright.PENANAmgxPaFu72y
…我真的不想。746Please respect copyright.PENANAqhNmQ7hWZ9
746Please respect copyright.PENANAtNrCWoxCju
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。746Please respect copyright.PENANATmfQdTR4hk
746Please respect copyright.PENANAlJ4qBqvNSc
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。746Please respect copyright.PENANA79VK3HSBnb
746Please respect copyright.PENANApE6vPXymeq
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。746Please respect copyright.PENANAlF0FC5N22N
746Please respect copyright.PENANAyDOBdv8A4d
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。746Please respect copyright.PENANAvGE8uA9YgI
746Please respect copyright.PENANA3QLZ2Pta3d
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。746Please respect copyright.PENANAWTdRSNNhPR
746Please respect copyright.PENANAdIX5E5QHCh
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。