我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHLQ5Ta9nU
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRrFCS8ysi
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEOpHf0G6H
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7NXkrtS2F
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L4866eTvT
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokjfGNLOh8
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNbfgpPnM5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQeLDbNfee
「妳是…？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohLILNc9fw
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimWEV2ZwGG
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PBNZJOLsS
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DfMpZEkwX
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOV85ZhXRIv
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzktEUuqb1y
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgqTS2IDQH
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGs9zQM9QT
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02BfQdPd5D
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQcJXbuuVQ
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodF80BdoNS
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NpANhCO5M
「妳是他女朋友？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutwCxsAjXN
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OPw6mcjjG
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84pKPbJcFU
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIb2BSo1hB
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtL9WdZaMui
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nlAcVUNqr
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTsSMDA7DV
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1pNXqooT6
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62HSJ61qNl
我一時語塞，沒能回話。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHnHJRz580
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtXJwuxdXD
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKr97w9HUO
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSd5JnQq1tt
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2zyyZRPlr
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9EWX8Qwu3
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzizop3S4Y
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BCszQkyDT
「小姐貴姓？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsmJcuRdXa
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmYDGSmBcC
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I6lH15Ujq
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lxJTcfGnI
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5174BAe6Fd
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyilkHJn4FU
「糟。」我心想。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUPaYmChsP
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqGbAfGuNj
她隨即關上木門。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNIrVcfT1f
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxQRJWqAL8
「她知道我是誰了。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VYVJbfLng
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv0cQE7gEs
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5euIk0Gpw3
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZszaRJ98a
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmHyNJg0fg
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydFGpjlYxX
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShPEhot6pY
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHPm1JOi3Y
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EqsUDxPCX
就這樣升上了高中二年級，428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7Tjn4Sl6H
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryaFrywbsp
迎來了人生的轉折。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MFBnqjqr0
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C23IYhAD9
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vlUox9GEC
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXoLzpymiy
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVePfoJ84c
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsLXIILy6J
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14kCZHSqlG
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUMAKjFY8U
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzzrFD6EW5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWnw4LeYDw
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpP0rAKYYs9
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82OxvS0byZ
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qges6R63R
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKjt9EEOOc
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkrs2XJJik
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8PQkiKqPa
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYPu9o5rP4
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPT1xARtIo
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEqWBqnF43
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSE5frbeE2
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6uGbbrVXL
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u1L3Avkrk
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx969R06WJK
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpcWWnB32K
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RCiDCaA36
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMhGBO6ZHU
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuTE4uH9V7
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0rh9RWqDk
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo7qbPjjIa
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhR8oRdfth
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHdHaG5WW1
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLdMtfGYm0
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyoCJKVUUg
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEosK4qrp5
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1bsgNaW4t
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhSfgVXe3L
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31Tw8nlWCr
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbma80uvto
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr64rK39ZBm
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJPobxWjr9
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNoJ2T1tKv
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3NTUea5qj
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQkCx5R6Lg
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kUiVoK93w
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5s1PSwYaSy
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcdgbH2Thn
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehmbt4TZGd
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckRh0qn37c
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeyNDg5CGg
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvaQAVAqcE
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2325ucJJw
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TyIJBPMFO
「爸爸。」我喊他。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbdw3jP10m
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTBzLL95F4
父親抬頭看我。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eRtmus8kf
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vgzaznu9e
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT2ncpZYJZ
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5cL1goixZ
「我不知道。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYgbrPWwG7
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTUB77T3O7
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB80pQTMWZB
「我和你一起搬走。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIfm69JAp1
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIkHRtYRf9
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcflacc5naN
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4ENQUAarW
「真的嗎？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43HNICg5o6
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2gsQFT5KN
「嗯。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbtAflVgfg
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxidULmMY2r
「…好啊。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPyujE55DE
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL4pYvpTIo
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFWo5PvBiC
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tYALZVOoV
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyiRGuePqJ
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIisUzzUVZM
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfjHsY3CHK
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgfCJgYfma
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsSINftoKt
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhFsvSFje3
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ847U8wMSv0
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg9AeSxbGl
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IQRpXGYDM
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulywDDSTB4
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaNjqdn4ud
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXeTU6QeEN
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43qWoGRWqC
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi05DqAwaq
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc26Xox95c
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1KSVasAw0
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrmpq7wpUO
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04w5JOPOKr
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvjOOKnBJ8
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEyxOknPxj
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJ5BD7pAAi
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUL1OgJL54
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z3SpjwYcN
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXm0lzV9O1
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzjQOVymuy
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu0Ztys4m1
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPF6wUKdW3
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnkGjp4dAs
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUktnN0lvve
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSruT6I1mV
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD4Vcf0i4k
但那是另一個故事了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPHBB6FYI5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGKQwUp1S5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazuPDmsKq1
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk8JliPuEA
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMYaMCwIV5
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWTFvwHMMj
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk57TZJk5Z
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5zOm0TKFX
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeijlnGBFZZ
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRm291yQcE
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4cR4lSyyV
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYMnwxNMaM
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6dINGC2Gy
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdAbagFtyu
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bhj1eewAw
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0Wfw9QEsp
難道逃出台灣了嗎？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLBxsBQR1e
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nZgPJW8rX
難道…真的死了嗎？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpg8TrdPD5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgsWQc0Lmo
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdooTLw7yg
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcI0Y3nk5g
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpDv1zZMI1
但父親不在家。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncoPFEYqwn
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLlTk5Oqfq
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6adaCFOjU5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPtmEkShZ3
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEkWjLd1yY
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ose5EpT7d
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9pPmiTIR8
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rpxoypfu3
「都是自己選的。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHvrLIUBiO
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPTzQMzBHT
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwue95qFiS
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsdECpOBRC
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlldLyXOtOU
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HArzFOnL6
「乾脆，去死好了。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhWxaoiMsE
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRAxeGCRdN
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy4e5oecWD
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MC4BSJGfD
待續。
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