我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zQAKSG7Wu
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqID6WkI83
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XrLIVHpaq
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7zdvIk4Rr
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tIILeWV0B
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhhSbqhRHo
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLHT6TMOdp
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcAOzH58QC
「妳是…？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8qYrXMLob
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2OF28r1Sm
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVCvSmmwKs
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSaYZe42w8
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGM7PVsulM
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4lkEQuHh2
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo9MhwZlvY
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPin15KGBc8
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpVUW3pZZi
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLXAcnMWJ1
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCuPmvYpXB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH7Orf5NDe
「妳是他女朋友？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvXWbBI31W
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE1uc5ffn0
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0cdB0bV4C
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYik2WUvzH
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoNc9FqgUg
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CQww5i7Qz
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQnrlaqiIq
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmATofqflLP
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazHlwIG5O1
我一時語塞，沒能回話。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7bAucUKOY
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNh4Nr8nlw
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFs4BEDgKK
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJHZkkYZ0W
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx4tRhigHk
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhXvjDfc5g
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJcBwbVtyO
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwQuy6bR9a
「小姐貴姓？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbyl1hVacn
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXb0ZVUbVWw
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyVxIgx6vM
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhdPJedn7F
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntH1pCCaqB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YuwEJlVle
「糟。」我心想。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKdQOQAcre
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SDk1hlRqI
她隨即關上木門。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47rEvIsrMc
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKKTegwCQw
「她知道我是誰了。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mHBoHZ5On
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfmgVpGPgA
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0V5D5nSuj
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrLmEtXS3c
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJBE5sM6sc
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqMqzx5FFE
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK2dkObzoa
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXN0TqJIaSC
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ChsyyBJeP
就這樣升上了高中二年級，427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMIxrCEr0Y
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uamaBEBZt
迎來了人生的轉折。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofxL8kaMsv
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26xG2Styx8
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKUUqkBt1Y
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitL8IQh3zE
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcghXPd345j
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp3FSjtym5
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElcxED6Cex
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPONdWSRmJ
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjNR2dbhC4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaJLisLqFH
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9digowBCgf
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWtxrfP14o
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYquf2j8ZSO
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8EoWPNZ9N
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXrvfu4wUB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYulzosiF3O
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENaylBetFD
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0EYmXtjwj
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP9Vf9oZ0U
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddUqN4vO5d
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5jRpECiCs
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4GCl1jxIo
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcfg70RLro
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINqi0ijH6e
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GCD0q16nc
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw6gWQiTB5
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa42TnDO9Fi
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2P1R53TBqw
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTH4xmmxuq
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlwfDD54i6
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnllU2lD5Qc
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmyV5QHLni
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5UUOTTEgT
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILCXyv8RbF
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeKy3HoJGa
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3agZtxzex
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUc2fSGb14
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFzL624OWH
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJpapOCpwa
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYgmKFKWXI
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLyH6TuuPC
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjRGh7luta
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuJo9qS9u8
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljvihe43kV
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFAgwOIw55
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPXm09qrRX
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zGqWtsEMX
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMkl9fhDB0
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSjXQsORhb
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Xwq0eo1oG
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1Z4dgnKkt
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbJS5UitkO
「爸爸。」我喊他。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iX7uCoapx
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgFBTAtrjf
父親抬頭看我。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZaxuJ8Fp4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKznJvbfjW
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekAf5xb0dr
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT3npax8Te
「我不知道。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGTsMqaP9m
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHnUuK5BkC
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8iONkPcxg
「我和你一起搬走。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr0MYDkgJj
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2Xeh91i6T
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56PMNgl4NJ
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzqq4ocVaT
「真的嗎？」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoB0dsAX9yb
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRGJ6LTvED
「嗯。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5fryw9Ymk
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Bm2ot3qwS
「…好啊。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYd2iT8Hlm
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSTxMdhjxM
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9JcnEPwzH
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOwkrAjQw1
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAtgOMPBJJ
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsnlw3Ddo8
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6lswt6YvV
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoCJx7TOz2
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIn0ojTK9A
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCVUrysJLb
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf2TPwis7f
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL10GWvxDcp
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9kCx7j0PM
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxwid3tx0W
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZ3oF1cjIg
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttzQxAeLwr
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsdzkwsGRq
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCuMmVR3F1
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOJ2GDpM7z
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjh2mLyRurM
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS5C4b5wEI
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJDFVqZJfP
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixYUCeXj4L
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMw0gdZmb0
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVN8m8DMky
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11aKhWwCgb
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvKTqgqqbB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg131lWaFD0
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9EU7sjbX8
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFiXOl5eAx
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvOJmOnXdK
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ffPz1f6wj
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqZtCJKRuE
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yojt4B1EB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutTqgL6bRl
但那是另一個故事了。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVand4giNP
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11vDkGziQD
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbR4eQUPYJ1
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5Qfc9FXas
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYXt9mBgxL
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKYTdgijmX
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxWxds5yjf
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4Yae3IeQz
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83pE31uz1c
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHFTf56mQw
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBM49BWZvM
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46LjSAdlSU
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh1y5nQPbQ
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDTzMPV5CI
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKXbYpPkoQ
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdQrp69MSu
難道逃出台灣了嗎？427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQTJAMucue
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmIgAe1sh5
難道…真的死了嗎？427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkuykBmul7
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHd4w7CVZjt
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLQLW0VI10
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUjVi5XyG4
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxogZOZbnR
但父親不在家。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86iizrEJgz
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnM6AGJN5r
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj2tWmNxIe
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX9aiwyrlT
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvMVIMiLkE
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6dd0n9FAM
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBkg9ldqb5
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqQN8PvMzO
「都是自己選的。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQht09wYENy
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud391knz2m
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55tWVvGJlB
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vIn7gCGOl
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuDu64oy8L
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuvS9yYRg0
「乾脆，去死好了。」427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oA3xpCJfe
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGKaHKel3x
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1wfqYYDC3
427Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFZaIpfIfm
待續。
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