Kat497Please respect copyright.PENANAYtq5fmAGjr
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January 1, 2005
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Same day
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"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAvwNczj4Y4f
Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAK18ntTSNdP
"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.497Please respect copyright.PENANAfykK5GQb0d
He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."497Please respect copyright.PENANAjfgJV9gbay
Is that it?497Please respect copyright.PENANAOztNr7Sd6B
When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly... 497Please respect copyright.PENANAAMM2RUjazk
I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAKv90HdNDSr
I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.497Please respect copyright.PENANAAhDnAbQuQf
What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAexgmXSVHs5
I need to be strong. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAShCwlMdb6u
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I need to be independent. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAG9dXfQvPA7
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I need to make better choices. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAKMXpnjr7ZG
I need to... not be here. Crap.497Please respect copyright.PENANA3vpsVLPekW
Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.497Please respect copyright.PENANAKUCwLkhmiV
But also powerful and wanted. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAKQAu5K1i6k
Ugh... I am so confused. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAX5HGBLysJe
I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.497Please respect copyright.PENANAgdiieMTAKk
I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAjORkgoIdAH
Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.497Please respect copyright.PENANAe8Z8wZVFEX
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again." 497Please respect copyright.PENANAwcOTZmaGaF
I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up. 497Please respect copyright.PENANApOaQm1N5b1
His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.497Please respect copyright.PENANAbDO7pJ8QlA
"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.497Please respect copyright.PENANAw8Ph6mDXMP
"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."497Please respect copyright.PENANApAvLs9Q55B
He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"497Please respect copyright.PENANAi7SiZGi5a3
"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.497Please respect copyright.PENANAhUIQ0mKJzR
"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA6f3M9gRZ60
I am so weak. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAZHMq03C5T9
"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAUuLk6v4Ajb
"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.497Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5i8FalWv8
"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAxC7wQx2QpP
"Meow." He chuckles at his own joke.497Please respect copyright.PENANA1ejsH5ctwC
"You are so not funny." I mumble.497Please respect copyright.PENANAp1o4oTlxmF
"Oh come on. You're no fun." He tries to tease me, but he doesn't realize just how accurate he is. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAnjVNfS1OEB
Maybe if I were more fun, things would be different. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAI2irwxeQWE
"If only you knew..." I snuggle into his hard chest, hoping he won't ask anymore questions. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAgpYy6Ei4j3
I know I should leave, but I just can't bring myself to part with him. I'm sure he's filling some void and I'm being pathetic, but he hasn't thrown me out yet.497Please respect copyright.PENANAvipHgHDCc9
In fact, he pulls me tighter. Resting his face in my hair. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAlUMXxIFp33
"Don't worry, I will protect you." He whispers and as I drift off into oblivion, I actually believe him. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAhbcjGGTVpq
I awake to the sounds of muffled shouting. There is a heated argument somewhere nearby. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAJ82zKMyPab
When I try to move, I bump something hard with my elbow and freeze. I hear a groan and feel the bed move slightly. I am not alone.497Please respect copyright.PENANATvpiPcmO3R
Oh no. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA3afO7S7SQl
What did I do? 497Please respect copyright.PENANAUd5hbcDVH9
Scanning the room, I realize I have no idea where I am or who could be behind me.497Please respect copyright.PENANA3LTdbEsFHa
Unless Vanessa is having a really rough morning, that was definitely too deep to be her voice.497Please respect copyright.PENANA9DPNeGjpUt
Crap. I am too afraid to look, who could it be? Bits and pieces from the night come to me, but not enough to piece together anything solid.497Please respect copyright.PENANA5HXNLjMTDo
I remember crying at some point.497Please respect copyright.PENANAsakFRselPb
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I remember drinking more than I should have.497Please respect copyright.PENANARyC2lFFZ2k
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I remember Vanessa being her usual self. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA53pOgNLxnw
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I remember her new boy toy stuck to her side. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAxTqf7yz9pa
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And I remember... Uh oh. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAXnQQpakxqY
It couldn't be... I wouldn't... Would I?497Please respect copyright.PENANA67prPnUblN
Am I really asking myself this after waking up next to some random guy? Well, maybe not so random...497Please respect copyright.PENANAwYj9aPkRnK
Oh god, this is all sorts of complicated. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAJBYI2iyzyZ
Okay, I just have to know... I try to roll over gently, without disturbing him. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAX1lRNDEk0v
I find a pair of amused green eyes staring back at me. A gorgeous grin with dimples on his stupid perfect face. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAZK7a5HHHYE
Crap. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA65tSXQYR8c
I know I'm blushing hard, I can literally feel my face burning. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAgpXuHWgkyH
How did this happen?497Please respect copyright.PENANAifiC70IQHO
"You done freaking out yet?" He asks with a chuckle. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA5oQjIyXP93
Is he... laughing at me? 497Please respect copyright.PENANAXEkHgLTmht
"Uh..." And just like that, he has short circuited the connection between my brain and mouth. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAfhJYenYHKE
"Don't panic." He talks softly, like I am some wild animal that might bite him.497Please respect copyright.PENANAHx73vPT11P
I am totally panicking. I just can't decide if I want to run out of the room or stay and figure out what exactly happened. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAO55OgsaPeo
My curiosity wins, just barely. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA9B1rTeiwZc
"Nothing happened." I must look really confused, because he feels the need to explain further. "We didn't have sex."497Please respect copyright.PENANA7oaXfDmJvq
"Oh..." I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt that he was naked laying next to me.497Please respect copyright.PENANA94Gtb1bskt
Nope. Not letting my mind go there.497Please respect copyright.PENANACdGfWXEyEz
I choose to feel relief. I wouldn't have remembered it anyway. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAG55yKVIvT9
"Not for lack of you trying, of course." He flashes a cocky smirk at me. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA6P0oXHfkb1
I feel a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite my attempt to keep my face neutral. No, I didn't throw myself at him, did I? 497Please respect copyright.PENANAt2KD6yVJGg
I vaguely remember waking up and thinking I heard my name through the wall and then... 497Please respect copyright.PENANAOxzuVvbHHO
"No way... I... Oh god!" My eyes pop open so wide, they begin to hurt.497Please respect copyright.PENANAolCzwvYuWj
Crap. Did I really climb on top of him? Yep, I was totally grinding on him.497Please respect copyright.PENANANtjcJV6bmb
I gasp, my gaze running down his body before I can stop myself. I take in his muscles, but his bottom half is covered in a sheet. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAg3aHyOYblp
His eyes meet mine. "Reminiscing?" 497Please respect copyright.PENANAtWanGcKmV9
"What! No!" My voice is too high and rushed to be convincing. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAHb8flqGKHL
I remember licking his defined chest.497Please respect copyright.PENANAFPyHtGMo2F
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I remember... 497Please respect copyright.PENANARgLuRGZE5F
he was naked!497Please respect copyright.PENANAX0anoAdT0M
I inwardly groan. I totally touched him. I know how big he is and... 497Please respect copyright.PENANAO6214dh3p7
Oh god! I know how he tastes. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA1VAGTWeRmq
"Shit." I know it's inelegant, but I can't think of anything else to say.497Please respect copyright.PENANA9bcb9kMA1a
His mouth pops open as his face twists in shock. "Did you just... I can't believe you just said shit!" 497Please respect copyright.PENANANGc01whdvx
"What? Why not?" I sit up, feeling defensive. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAlPsHJG9OmF
Why is he so shocked? He barely knows me. Why does he assume this? Did I say something weird last night?497Please respect copyright.PENANAOePWLRfHP7
"You seemed kinda offended when I cussed, so I guess I just assumed..." He looks shy, almost like he was caught doing something wrong.497Please respect copyright.PENANANFG1fJfE4x
"Based on?" Sure, I don't make a habit of using curse words, but it's more an ingrained reflex than an actual choice. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA4VjSavlDkT
He hesitates, like he's afraid to say and I begin to feel slightly nervous. Crap, what did I say?497Please respect copyright.PENANAbiGwnAYwAr
"You... uh... kinda flinched." He blushes and looks around the room. Insecure Ben is totally adorable. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAWFwr2vzk4A
"Oh." I'm honestly not sure how to respond because I definitely can't tell him the truth. "Well, I wasn't offended."497Please respect copyright.PENANAup8XTvAlUV
"Okay." He blows out a breath, looking up at the ceiling. "If you say so." 497Please respect copyright.PENANA8dwL9rAdr3
He looks completely unconvinced but I can't give him more than that. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAURLENdxUBf
"So." He clears his throat. "Not to be totally awkward here..." His gaze drops to the tent of his crotch before his eyes scan the floor. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAbkhdtS1vse
"And not that I would mind laying in bed with you all day." He looks down my body and winks. "But, maybe we should get dressed?"497Please respect copyright.PENANAmBpMeVuZWR
I look down at myself, just now realizing I'm sitting here in lacy underwear. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAkpQmB9wTQi
When I don't respond, Ben flashes his smile. "Or not, I mean you look great." 497Please respect copyright.PENANA0hGHDcaEi7
I am unable to hide the look of shock on my face before I snatch the sheet to cover myself. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAsrDKQHzjg0
Which is no longer covering "Little Ben", if you can even call it that.497Please respect copyright.PENANAFG6c0UR6B2
Oops.497Please respect copyright.PENANANqWT8fQYWF
Of course that would happen to me! I take a moment to look at it in the daylight and wow, it's like a sculpture. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAh0mO6jw8AH
Unable to stop myself, I have apparently lost my filter completely around this man. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAyZp2P0VanS
"Well hello, Big Ben." I try not to giggle like an immature school girl, but Ben's laugh makes me laugh harder. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAEJP372eMSu
"Big Ben, huh?" He grins, making my stomach flutter. He shakes his head, amused. "What am I going to do with you?"497Please respect copyright.PENANAm25atAt3zp
My mouth goes dry as my mind conjures up all kinds of things he could do to me. It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room as I struggle to control my breathing. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?497Please respect copyright.PENANADmsQb1ZYkE
My gaze returns to "Big Ben", as it seems to grow, straining to reach me. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAIMg1UyAJhN
Prying my eyes away, I meet his green gaze. He's no longer grinning or teasing, in fact, it looks like he's in pain. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAqctBajYLEV
"So, you like what you see?" His eyes never leaving mine. I try to close my mouth and steady my breathing. I need to keep my composure, but my head nods without my approval. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA62f8HVanEN
I lick my lips, remembering last night. I can't get my mouth to form words.497Please respect copyright.PENANAAMY3O5n0Mb
"Because I wouldn't mind seeing a little more." He reaches forward, tugging down the sheet. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA9rUYIwwrTW
He sucks in a breath. "Fuck, Kat."497Please respect copyright.PENANAU26NnpvSpE
I close my eyes, my insides turning to liquid fire. I love his cussing, like he can't control himself. Maybe it's because of my background and it makes him seem like such a bad boy, but it turns me on, like crazy.497Please respect copyright.PENANAJaeavN7ZTn
He caresses my breasts through the sheer fabric. "God damn, you are beautiful." 497Please respect copyright.PENANA8WPmrDFC12
I absorb his words as another wave of lust hits me. I know this is a bad idea. I know we should not be doing this, but I'm not sure I could stop it, even if I wanted to. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAVrqbaNcCQ5
His hands move down my body as his mouth meets mine. His kiss is hungry and desperate and I can't get enough. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAIZTPcijhff
His hand grazes me where I'm aching and I nearly explode. I need him. Now. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA90uOQQtfaw
"Do you have a condom?" He has to have one in here somewhere, right?497Please respect copyright.PENANAbh8DmltT44
He blushes and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Actually..." We both freeze as the sound of yelling grows closer. 497Please respect copyright.PENANA0ou3PMJJxP
I pull the sheet up to cover myself just as the door bursts open. All I see Vanessa's fiery hair flying around as she takes the scene before her. "What the fucking fuck is fucking going on in here?" 497Please respect copyright.PENANAWcFtbSs4Hm
I know her well enough to know when she can't think, she drops f-bombs. Her gaze drops to Ben's crotch, before he grabs a corner of the sheet to cover himself. 497Please respect copyright.PENANAHRSO5ZE6ZI
I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the sight of her craziness. "Calm yourself, Vanessa."
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