回家之後,我上網搜尋新聞,看到一張又一張英傑的照片,有些也提到英傑的過去,但我很早就知道台灣的新聞有大半是創作文,所以沒多加理會。
那陣子我每天上網搜尋英傑的名字,看最新的案情發展。因為死者的來頭不小,新聞鬧得很大,我也不敢貿然行事,深怕給自己或英傑增添更多麻煩。
英傑還有個同夥,在英傑被捕的時候,仍在逃亡。當時我的工作是在住宅大樓裡當社區秘書,過沒多久,新聞報出在逃亡的同夥尋求某個立委協助自首,好巧不巧地,那個立委就住在我工作的社區裡。541Please respect copyright.PENANAn9o8LqOKOr
541Please respect copyright.PENANAZWxrZR0oyf
這是個能夠聯絡上英傑的好機會,我心想。541Please respect copyright.PENANALrVKA0xUxd
541Please respect copyright.PENANA0j9ugqF1Hj
但是我猶豫了。541Please respect copyright.PENANArTc2SIjJFz
541Please respect copyright.PENANAAo6zkV8bX8
英傑那麼久不和我聯絡,是不是根本不想和我聯絡?是不是獄中太無聊,才想找人寫信打發時間?那些我自認為的兄妹情誼,是不是其實都是假的?
萬一我因此失去工作,或是被媒體捕風捉影,雪球越滾越大的時候怎麼辦?541Please respect copyright.PENANAiyF2pHUHVe
541Please respect copyright.PENANAdS9z9Hwqnv
悲觀的想法一冒出來,就無法無天的蔓延。所有可能面臨的糟糕情況,我都想了一輪。541Please respect copyright.PENANAtNOprUPIaB
541Please respect copyright.PENANAGWoevp83zu
我很想告訴自己不是這樣,但內心又害怕。541Please respect copyright.PENANAKg9aykqwZ1
541Please respect copyright.PENANAWIx2ZeFDca
我最害怕的,其實是當我找到他了,他卻早就忘記我是誰,那我該怎麼辦?541Please respect copyright.PENANAjvBrpiLTnO
541Please respect copyright.PENANAE1vBOZZlet
這些年來懸著一顆心的疑問就快要可以有解答了,我卻裹足不前。541Please respect copyright.PENANA1WLLgr4VWz
541Please respect copyright.PENANA3d56rY8TRh
541Please respect copyright.PENANAM72ZKcRH38
就這麼拖著拖著,直到我用了各種關鍵字,搜尋到英傑的部落格,也就是他用來和買家交易槍械的地方。541Please respect copyright.PENANAgRrXn6iFjl
541Please respect copyright.PENANADCzPo6aN51
部落格裡有關槍械的影片和文章都已刪除,只剩幾篇英傑打的心情日記。541Please respect copyright.PENANAeJyNK5ohcw
541Please respect copyright.PENANAnrEEbMFvXW
「我在地獄出生,也在地獄生活。」541Please respect copyright.PENANAu9nvbhuYiD
541Please respect copyright.PENANAdXZcHqfz38
「陽光是永遠照不進地獄的。」541Please respect copyright.PENANADnmv4qYZr5
541Please respect copyright.PENANAKEIES0RL3m
這類文字充斥著他的文章。541Please respect copyright.PENANAAHbEqNO8DK
541Please respect copyright.PENANA9MmuewvNwi
我想起他曾在信裡寫「妳是我的天使」…541Please respect copyright.PENANA2AbtvmQHpJ
541Please respect copyright.PENANAM7hbCg4doG
我怎麼能是呢?如果我是,為什麼無法拯救你?541Please respect copyright.PENANAGH84iDUDpI
541Please respect copyright.PENANAGvjpA4h1ft
541Please respect copyright.PENANAAOuS9D3n40
我抱著姑且一試的心情,在英傑的部落格留了隱藏的留言,告訴他我是誰,也說想見他一面,留下了自己的手機號碼,希望能有機會和他說說話。541Please respect copyright.PENANAs50gJbEyP9
541Please respect copyright.PENANAnEpcb4Lg8E
541Please respect copyright.PENANAxOZj1pJxbF
新聞持續報導,同夥自首後,新聞的焦點便放在同夥身上,較少播報有關英傑的事。我心裡覺得這樣比較好,又一邊擔心再也無法得知英傑的消息。541Please respect copyright.PENANA5XqzPNx7GM
541Please respect copyright.PENANAIEZKvQJTsK
541Please respect copyright.PENANAQGMArXGGxm
我沒有等太久,就收到了回應。
英傑的姊姊(也是我同父異母的姊姊)用英傑的帳號回覆我了。541Please respect copyright.PENANANStLDwPJSd
541Please respect copyright.PENANAkkolIomNNb
「我知道妳是誰,英傑和我說過他和妳寫了很長一段時間的信,妳也曾到過我家吧?」541Please respect copyright.PENANAeqY6Du3Qqw
541Please respect copyright.PENANA71EkA6C4Py
她說英傑人在醫院治療,但現在不適合去找他,他也不太能通電話。我不懂嫌犯的審判流程,所以不知道她說的真實度有多少。541Please respect copyright.PENANA4FYrqxrdVW
541Please respect copyright.PENANAeZIgKBV7jY
我又碰了釘子,心裡更著急。只好繼續留言,釋出最大的善意,表示我是真的擔心及關心。541Please respect copyright.PENANAbYtLHiADhP
541Please respect copyright.PENANAl81dspZr0R
她沒有再回我。541Please respect copyright.PENANAeErlN8JFZS
541Please respect copyright.PENANAmNNjgWJDRE
541Please respect copyright.PENANAZVhRLNpoOy
但我接到英傑打來的電話,在兩個禮拜後。541Please respect copyright.PENANAcW7oWaLIAK
541Please respect copyright.PENANAwIOuAEWdkl
541Please respect copyright.PENANAVp1Kj2Gkrg
「喂。」陌生的號碼,我心不在焉地接起。541Please respect copyright.PENANAmzUeVF60x2
541Please respect copyright.PENANAJye9KCGqxc
「……喂,笨蛋妹啊…」541Please respect copyright.PENANAh4GWf1DXLY
541Please respect copyright.PENANAQTNhJMtk6h
聽見他的聲音,淚水就瞬間湧上眼眶。541Please respect copyright.PENANAScDtBhe10b
541Please respect copyright.PENANAiUuqm5Nqqw
「是我啦,妳哥啊。」沒聽見我回話,他急著說。541Please respect copyright.PENANAJhE03b5s8j
541Please respect copyright.PENANANI138C0grq
「你才笨啦!」我明明有一堆話要說,居然只能先回嘴。541Please respect copyright.PENANABBbWsntHm3
541Please respect copyright.PENANAE7htzrIbJM
541Please respect copyright.PENANA3lytFkSN37
541Please respect copyright.PENANA2WqiD1tf2u
待續。
ns216.73.216.146da2