Kat515Please respect copyright.PENANAjXeeyB19zy
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January 1, 2005
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Same day
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"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions. 515Please respect copyright.PENANALvkLCLzEzK
Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAB4X5M8uvy2
"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.515Please respect copyright.PENANA0ayNSxPyZj
He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."515Please respect copyright.PENANAidHp485IPC
Is that it?515Please respect copyright.PENANAK0F5hIBWEl
When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly... 515Please respect copyright.PENANACx3bS8lsdL
I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAOBDmAEKLKE
I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.515Please respect copyright.PENANAk6WzIpFjN7
What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAQkECKCivTf
I need to be strong. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA7pW9hK4jZh
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I need to be independent. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAFNHCRPZMFh
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I need to make better choices. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAPhS8Kyqdtb
I need to... not be here. Crap.515Please respect copyright.PENANA2viMtbsVAL
Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.515Please respect copyright.PENANA1AsUIY1Hy2
But also powerful and wanted. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAdF9WyLgQps
Ugh... I am so confused. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAU2CgG7O1m1
I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.515Please respect copyright.PENANAzdO3pkPva7
I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAG96WDcdCt8
Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.515Please respect copyright.PENANAWaby7PKcnD
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again." 515Please respect copyright.PENANAkLDI3mc9OK
I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAxBy39EHDAP
His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.515Please respect copyright.PENANABiopUZiqdg
"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.515Please respect copyright.PENANAvDnfMA1SH5
"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."515Please respect copyright.PENANAz4u76AeuFI
He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"515Please respect copyright.PENANArpWSfHQMsQ
"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.515Please respect copyright.PENANAPcryXGRIl3
"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAlSj1oRhXTo
I am so weak. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAjbIg2fuYz9
"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body. 515Please respect copyright.PENANASBlQfJ1jgo
"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.515Please respect copyright.PENANACu98LGml4T
"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAnwtiFcuRZW
"Meow." He chuckles at his own joke.515Please respect copyright.PENANAiA0OvfS3lX
"You are so not funny." I mumble.515Please respect copyright.PENANAweVrbeoGIy
"Oh come on. You're no fun." He tries to tease me, but he doesn't realize just how accurate he is. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAeku0dPOEJ9
Maybe if I were more fun, things would be different. 515Please respect copyright.PENANACgtOCqEYcv
"If only you knew..." I snuggle into his hard chest, hoping he won't ask anymore questions. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAUCNVmQQpgl
I know I should leave, but I just can't bring myself to part with him. I'm sure he's filling some void and I'm being pathetic, but he hasn't thrown me out yet.515Please respect copyright.PENANA5NruaFrnER
In fact, he pulls me tighter. Resting his face in my hair. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA17LW5WtLb9
"Don't worry, I will protect you." He whispers and as I drift off into oblivion, I actually believe him. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAtcuxtUak8P
I awake to the sounds of muffled shouting. There is a heated argument somewhere nearby. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAZ05DQjxIRp
When I try to move, I bump something hard with my elbow and freeze. I hear a groan and feel the bed move slightly. I am not alone.515Please respect copyright.PENANAhvXSeq35pd
Oh no. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAw3bWgvFFAb
What did I do? 515Please respect copyright.PENANAUR1nxuS9Lt
Scanning the room, I realize I have no idea where I am or who could be behind me.515Please respect copyright.PENANAyADaI6EWag
Unless Vanessa is having a really rough morning, that was definitely too deep to be her voice.515Please respect copyright.PENANAgxxEkEivwa
Crap. I am too afraid to look, who could it be? Bits and pieces from the night come to me, but not enough to piece together anything solid.515Please respect copyright.PENANAtN2qKKhaZ4
I remember crying at some point.515Please respect copyright.PENANA5KSxOESiXC
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I remember drinking more than I should have.515Please respect copyright.PENANAv916Ygr9p5
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I remember Vanessa being her usual self. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAmqGOZRe6jP
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I remember her new boy toy stuck to her side. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAyJhARmItxr
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And I remember... Uh oh. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAlme5M137M2
It couldn't be... I wouldn't... Would I?515Please respect copyright.PENANAlrFnDykv7k
Am I really asking myself this after waking up next to some random guy? Well, maybe not so random...515Please respect copyright.PENANAlyER9oNd6H
Oh god, this is all sorts of complicated. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA2YtKEMQXSs
Okay, I just have to know... I try to roll over gently, without disturbing him. 515Please respect copyright.PENANApjVW5lbcxa
I find a pair of amused green eyes staring back at me. A gorgeous grin with dimples on his stupid perfect face. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAeoFHf9dJMN
Crap. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAktSZEOHbTI
I know I'm blushing hard, I can literally feel my face burning. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA46AZimBIYS
How did this happen?515Please respect copyright.PENANAIj7t90A3JO
"You done freaking out yet?" He asks with a chuckle. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA8iLsNZJWlk
Is he... laughing at me? 515Please respect copyright.PENANA5fzC47NtwI
"Uh..." And just like that, he has short circuited the connection between my brain and mouth. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAmqmbeF71be
"Don't panic." He talks softly, like I am some wild animal that might bite him.515Please respect copyright.PENANATJMjKC7ZkD
I am totally panicking. I just can't decide if I want to run out of the room or stay and figure out what exactly happened. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAleBpDDiFWH
My curiosity wins, just barely. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA7WT9NwYIGp
"Nothing happened." I must look really confused, because he feels the need to explain further. "We didn't have sex."515Please respect copyright.PENANAZQGCQsTHcO
"Oh..." I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt that he was naked laying next to me.515Please respect copyright.PENANAYAwYKc8y9k
Nope. Not letting my mind go there.515Please respect copyright.PENANAoQVdn4GhMP
I choose to feel relief. I wouldn't have remembered it anyway. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA7TCVrL8scw
"Not for lack of you trying, of course." He flashes a cocky smirk at me. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAz5ved35FWz
I feel a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite my attempt to keep my face neutral. No, I didn't throw myself at him, did I? 515Please respect copyright.PENANAhcYyGFGGlN
I vaguely remember waking up and thinking I heard my name through the wall and then... 515Please respect copyright.PENANAFmxTbbbYlX
"No way... I... Oh god!" My eyes pop open so wide, they begin to hurt.515Please respect copyright.PENANA0rHQvUnGdN
Crap. Did I really climb on top of him? Yep, I was totally grinding on him.515Please respect copyright.PENANAIMObaixtGV
I gasp, my gaze running down his body before I can stop myself. I take in his muscles, but his bottom half is covered in a sheet. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAPFve5ztxp2
His eyes meet mine. "Reminiscing?" 515Please respect copyright.PENANABvNeDBRz3K
"What! No!" My voice is too high and rushed to be convincing. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAaCg1Sf6Qzr
I remember licking his defined chest.515Please respect copyright.PENANANO9q1Vyohp
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I remember... 515Please respect copyright.PENANAnQsVdzX8PX
he was naked!515Please respect copyright.PENANAFUbSZ64G43
I inwardly groan. I totally touched him. I know how big he is and... 515Please respect copyright.PENANAfTKbWioUn9
Oh god! I know how he tastes. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAFPcdJ6ng6p
"Shit." I know it's inelegant, but I can't think of anything else to say.515Please respect copyright.PENANAQCB7bjz7Px
His mouth pops open as his face twists in shock. "Did you just... I can't believe you just said shit!" 515Please respect copyright.PENANA5A1LhA3wCm
"What? Why not?" I sit up, feeling defensive. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAYehVESy5D8
Why is he so shocked? He barely knows me. Why does he assume this? Did I say something weird last night?515Please respect copyright.PENANAqjeT9UUSlR
"You seemed kinda offended when I cussed, so I guess I just assumed..." He looks shy, almost like he was caught doing something wrong.515Please respect copyright.PENANA0oEHRKikhM
"Based on?" Sure, I don't make a habit of using curse words, but it's more an ingrained reflex than an actual choice. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAgQ93mZEZs2
He hesitates, like he's afraid to say and I begin to feel slightly nervous. Crap, what did I say?515Please respect copyright.PENANACBi9Ti39CU
"You... uh... kinda flinched." He blushes and looks around the room. Insecure Ben is totally adorable. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA3yCAfGqbla
"Oh." I'm honestly not sure how to respond because I definitely can't tell him the truth. "Well, I wasn't offended."515Please respect copyright.PENANAP1fdLkBjon
"Okay." He blows out a breath, looking up at the ceiling. "If you say so." 515Please respect copyright.PENANA1qcSB6p8PG
He looks completely unconvinced but I can't give him more than that. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA3F5LpMjWzk
"So." He clears his throat. "Not to be totally awkward here..." His gaze drops to the tent of his crotch before his eyes scan the floor. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAPpuIz72nzl
"And not that I would mind laying in bed with you all day." He looks down my body and winks. "But, maybe we should get dressed?"515Please respect copyright.PENANAcH1BIfVO9r
I look down at myself, just now realizing I'm sitting here in lacy underwear. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA44FVTuxf9e
When I don't respond, Ben flashes his smile. "Or not, I mean you look great." 515Please respect copyright.PENANAOZX1q2d52V
I am unable to hide the look of shock on my face before I snatch the sheet to cover myself. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6JOl5nLMf
Which is no longer covering "Little Ben", if you can even call it that.515Please respect copyright.PENANA9Q7nrUNsNy
Oops.515Please respect copyright.PENANAJlG4qo0HBU
Of course that would happen to me! I take a moment to look at it in the daylight and wow, it's like a sculpture. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA84ZunjDwEb
Unable to stop myself, I have apparently lost my filter completely around this man. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA5PBgQ8BewG
"Well hello, Big Ben." I try not to giggle like an immature school girl, but Ben's laugh makes me laugh harder. 515Please respect copyright.PENANADPT5YGc3vw
"Big Ben, huh?" He grins, making my stomach flutter. He shakes his head, amused. "What am I going to do with you?"515Please respect copyright.PENANAxzGhDDo4Ix
My mouth goes dry as my mind conjures up all kinds of things he could do to me. It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room as I struggle to control my breathing. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?515Please respect copyright.PENANAQBCS6uuOMn
My gaze returns to "Big Ben", as it seems to grow, straining to reach me. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAgmuXI1akpO
Prying my eyes away, I meet his green gaze. He's no longer grinning or teasing, in fact, it looks like he's in pain. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAlt692rZMQF
"So, you like what you see?" His eyes never leaving mine. I try to close my mouth and steady my breathing. I need to keep my composure, but my head nods without my approval. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAnsm0AvPbeP
I lick my lips, remembering last night. I can't get my mouth to form words.515Please respect copyright.PENANAF9pK6ti9ha
"Because I wouldn't mind seeing a little more." He reaches forward, tugging down the sheet. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAq237GIj4SZ
He sucks in a breath. "Fuck, Kat."515Please respect copyright.PENANA7kjYFJ62AX
I close my eyes, my insides turning to liquid fire. I love his cussing, like he can't control himself. Maybe it's because of my background and it makes him seem like such a bad boy, but it turns me on, like crazy.515Please respect copyright.PENANAJM1U9LuWhU
He caresses my breasts through the sheer fabric. "God damn, you are beautiful." 515Please respect copyright.PENANAeAqr2YPcco
I absorb his words as another wave of lust hits me. I know this is a bad idea. I know we should not be doing this, but I'm not sure I could stop it, even if I wanted to. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAzfZrpcsaHi
His hands move down my body as his mouth meets mine. His kiss is hungry and desperate and I can't get enough. 515Please respect copyright.PENANArUQL6CU44F
His hand grazes me where I'm aching and I nearly explode. I need him. Now. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAWU4oEAOE9n
"Do you have a condom?" He has to have one in here somewhere, right?515Please respect copyright.PENANAgSE5gpi3ga
He blushes and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Actually..." We both freeze as the sound of yelling grows closer. 515Please respect copyright.PENANAgE0mIufmUI
I pull the sheet up to cover myself just as the door bursts open. All I see Vanessa's fiery hair flying around as she takes the scene before her. "What the fucking fuck is fucking going on in here?" 515Please respect copyright.PENANAmHWEQbdFSZ
I know her well enough to know when she can't think, she drops f-bombs. Her gaze drops to Ben's crotch, before he grabs a corner of the sheet to cover himself. 515Please respect copyright.PENANA9KNqgWDx2c
I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the sight of her craziness. "Calm yourself, Vanessa."
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