⚜️ Chapter Theme Songs ⚜️
On and On - THEY.257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EgdSTA0n6
Space Between - Always Never257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19gekI7sw9
She Said - dvsn257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NgDD4nbZJ
better off - Ariana Grande257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UdaQ2OZy0
I'm at a loss for words.
Well, not really. I'm just so tired... of a lot of things.
A knock on my front door brought me out my reverie. I opened it to see one of my best friends standing there with a smile on her face.
"Care," I said returning hers with a smile of my own. "Thank you so much for coming."
"Bonnie," she said bombarding me with a fierce hug. "How could I not?"
Shutting the door behind her, we both headed to the couch before proceeding to plop down onto it. As if the wind had been knocked right out of us.
I heard Caroline snort which made me laugh, causing her to laugh even more, and soon we were both cracking up.
"Whew, I really needed that laugh."
"Yeah," she said with a content sigh before turning to me. "Bon, what's going on? You sounded fed up on the phone..."
I let out a sigh myself. "Care, I'm tired."
"Of what?" She asked.
"Of being the town witch," I said. "It's exhausting constantly trying to save..."
"Trying to save everyone," she finished for me.
"Is it bad that I feel this way?" I asked her.
"Absolutely not!" She exclaimed. "What did I tell you a couple of weeks ago? I literally told you to take a break if you ever felt like it was too much! Your mental and physical health is way more important than a lot of things living here and being what you are puts you through."
"I know, I knowwww." I ran a hand through my hair as I got up to pace back and forth. It seemed like I was doing that a lot lately. "I've been doing a lot of thinking ever since I came back from the lake house. It's just that pretty much everyone I love is a vampire and now that Jeremy's instincts are urging him to finish that blasted mark, he's literally itching to kill all of you. You should have seen him. I know he doesn't want to kill his sister, but he definitely has it in for every vampire he sees."
"I'm tired of having to come and save the day every single time," I said. "The first time I got involved with vampires, my grams died because I didn't listen to her and heed her warnings. The second time, I pretended to kill myself to keep Klaus away. Of course the bastard came back and I still tried my best to help everyone, especially with the whole ghosts running around town situation. Esther used me and my mother, who was then turned to save Elena. The original bitch then used me again to try and kill her own children with Alaric as her main weapon. And now? Now we're scrambling around trying to find a cure for Elena because she just can't handle being a vampire. I mean, look at you Care. You're kicking ass and taking everything thrown at you in stride. You're so strong. Why can't Elena be more like you?"
"I- I don't know what to say, Bon." Care stood and laid a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from pacing. "I had no idea you felt this way, how come you haven't said anything about your feelings before?"
I sat down and looked to the ceiling.
"To be completely honest... it feels like everyone else's problems pale in comparison whenever Elena just sneezes."
"I know what you mean," she said. "I literally got turned just for knowing her."
With a resounding huff, we both leaned back onto the couch.
"I don't know if I can be with Jeremy..." I said trailing off.
"Bon—
"Care, I'm serious. I— I mean, I love him, I'm not even sure I'm in love with him anymore. But, I also don't even know if the trust in our relationship can be built back up again."
"Oh," she said. "You mean when he..."
"Cheated, Care. You can say it," I said. "Jeremy Gilbert cheated on me with his ghostly ex."
"Once a relationship goes through something like that, it's difficult to get that trust back." I watched as Caroline ran a hand through her own blonde locks. "I have a feeling that's where I'm headed with Tyler."
"No!" I exclaimed. "He cheated?!"
"He says he didn't," she said. "But the vibes I get from Hayley, his werewolf friend, and my female intuition are telling me otherwise. Unfortunately, I have no real proof besides a gut feeling. But this pales in comparison to what you've got going on in your head, Bon!"
"No, it doesn't Care. We're both valid in our feelings," I said. "What's crazy is, both of Jeremy's relationships ended because Vicki and Anna were killed. Is that where I'm headed if things continue? I know for a fact that we wouldn't even be together if Anna were still alive..."
"I don't know, Bon. I'd like to think that your relationship is stronger than that, but I'm no love guru myself," she said with a rueful chuckle. "I'm just as lost as you. But we've got to try, ya know? Without the love of our family, significant others, and close friends, what do we really have?"
"You'd be a Mikaelson," I said before barking out in raucous laughter.
"Too right!" Caroline exclaimed with a fond smile that she thinks I didn't see. "Too right."
Having my best friend here to talk about things really help me sort through a lot of what I was feeling. I'm not perfect, nor do I strive to be. But, I do need to think more about me and my own self-worth. I'm worth more than being reduced to the position of town witch, as only being useful when someone needs a spell here or there.
I know what I want and how I want to be treated in my relationships, platonic, romantic or otherwise.
I don't know how I'm going to get out from under Shane's mystical hold but I will... somehow. I've got to try. It's time for some serious change.
ns 172.70.35.67da2
