Chapter thirty-five
Novah
Matt kisses my shoulder gently.
I rest my head on his and try to catch my breath and, still, racing heart.
"Now, I'll have to take another shower," I groan. "Thank you for that," I say and lift my head to look into his eyes.
"Anytime," he says and winks. "But I actually want to get some work done so I won't have to do much at the beach,"
I smile and climb off of his lap.
"Otherwise, I would definitely be joining you in that shower," he adds.
"Yeah, how do you keep up with your work?" I ask.
"School has always been pretty easy for me," Matt admits.
I grab my dress off of the floor and slip it out over my naked body, quickly. I'm never comfortable with my body. I don't know why.
"That's good. I'm happy you're a good student,"
"Oh, I don't give a fuck about school. My parents, though.......I don't want to disappoint them and waste their money,"
"Oh,"
I get on all fours to remove my panties from underneath the coffee table.
How'd they even get under here?
"Careful. That's an awfully nice positon you've got there," I hear Matt's smug voice.
I stretch my arm out and grab the panties but my dress glides up my hips and reveals my bare ass, in the air.
"Shit. Fuck," I curse.
I start to scoot out from underneath the table but bump my head on the edge of it.
"Fuck! Ow!"
I stand up, yanking my dress back down. I rub my head where I bumped it.
"Are you okay, baby?"
Matt grabs my hand and pulls me back down into his lap.
"Aww, you bumped your head on the table? I'm sorry,"
He kisses my forehead and tilts my chin up.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, Matt, I just bumped it on the table,"
"I know. But you're my baby girl. I'm allowed to worry,"
He kisses my lips again and caresses my cheek.
"It doesn't even hurt anymore,"
He smiles sweetly. "I know. But I like babying you,"
He kisses me again. "Now, I have to actually get something done instead of sitting here and kissing you,"
He kisses me for the hundredth time and I stand up to allow him to get his work done.
"But I like it," I whine.
He chuckles. "You know, as much as you pretend to be all innocent, I know how much of a freak you are,"
His eyes gleam with delight and he walks past me down the hallway. His finger lightly brushes against my thigh.
He's got some nerve.
I catch his hand and pull his arm back.
His body doesn't budge and stays in place. He pulls his hand away from mine and crosses his arms.
"Yes?" he asks with a smug smile on his face and raised eyebrows.
"Fuck you," I say with a smile and flip him off. I hear him chuckle.
I walk past him, down the hall, and into the master bedroom.
I close the door and throw my panties onto the bed. I pull my dress over my head and walk into the bathroom.
I think I want to take a nice, hot bath.
But then, again, I don't feel like walking all the way to the other bathroom, which has a clawfoot tub.
I slide the shower door across and step in.
I turn the knob counterclockwise and let the hot water course over my body.
I absolutely love water.
It calms me.
I love the beach, the pool, and taking showers and baths regularly throughout the day.
Sometimes I finger myself in the shower for my own personal pleasure. I never reach orgasm when I masturbate and for years I thought there was something wrong with me but Matt.....oh, Matt has proved me wrong.
I turn around and let the hot water soak my back.
I prefer the water to be almost scalding.
It's soothing.
I miss Matt.
God, I am so clingy, its sort of sickening.
I'm addicted to his affection and warmth.
I think it's because I so craved it when I was younger.
I would hurt every single day, wishing that someone would love me and show me affection.
I thought I was unworthy and unable to be loved.
My mother rarely showed love and affection and hadn't said she loved me in years.
I thought it was because she was stressed and that was just her personality to be kind of distant but I was so, so depressed because of it.
I was so love-deprived and hungry for someone's touch. Someone's caress.
Not that guys didn't try and touch me, but it was not lovingly.
It was horny guys who were my "friends" but obviously wanted to fuck me.
I didn't count that as affection.
I had a multitude of male friends, just cause I find guys way easier to be friends with.
Guys are nicer and funnier than girls as well as fun to hang out with.
People called me slutty for hanging out with so many guys but I didn't care.
I still don't.
Most of my friends are guys.
Matt calls me naive.
Matt.....
I miss Matt.
You saw him five fucking minutes ago!
I laugh at myself, aloud, and roll my eyes.
God, I'm clingy.
Am I?
Yes.
"Matt....." I call out.
"Matt......" I call, again, louder.
The door peeps open and he waltzes in, his usual attire of loose jeans and no shirt.
I stare at his tattoos and the abs that the black ink sits on. His broad shoulders, tan skin, toned torso.
He looks like a God.
"What's up?"
As always, he looks my wet body over.
"Can you get me my body wash out of my bag, please?"
He walks out of the bathroom and comes back in with my bottle of rose body wash.
I slide open the glass shower door and he hands me the bottle.
"Thank you," I say with a coquettish smile. This body wash, literally smell amazing.
The cold air hardens my nipples and I slide the door back in place swiftly.
He starts towards the bathroom door.
"Matt, I have a question," I say as I lather the body wash onto a washcloth.
"Yes?" he turns back around.
"Am I clingy?" I ask and rub my body from head to toe with the washcloth.
"Well, yes, physically. I adore it, though. I like touching you and being affectionate towards you. Of course, you partake in your own activities separate from me, as well,"
"Oh," I turn and wash my body off in the hot water, making sure every bit of soap is off of me.
"But its nothing to be ashamed of. I truly, enjoy every minute I spend with you,"
I turn the water off and open the door.
He hands me a towel, I didn't know he was holding.
I smile at him as I take it.
"I love you so much," I say to him.
I wrap the towel around my body, tightening it at the top.
He lifts my chin and kisses my wet lips slowly, savoring them.
He lays his hand on my lower back lightly.
His tongue traverses into my mouth patiently and just when I'm yearning for more, he pulls back, biting his plump lower lip.
"I would love to continue this but I have a call I have yet to attend to,"
He bends down a little and places his hands across my back, lifting me off of the ground into his strong arms.
"Come dry off," he says quietly.
"I can walk," I giggle and he lays me on the bed.
"Now, that's a problem," he says with a smile.
"Why?"
He leans down on the bed and peels back my towel kissing my collar bone sweetly.
"Love you, now I really have to go,"
He walks out of the room leaving me confused and wondering but also smiling like an idiot.
I still want him. I want to stare at his toned, tattooed chest. Kiss his whole body. Tell him I love him over and over until he can't stop smiling.
I want to have him in my mouth.
God, shut the hell up. You sound weird, I tell myself. I shake off the weird thoughts and focused on getting dressed.
I dry myself off, stretch over, and grab my panties off of the bed and slip them on before grabbing my phone off of the nightstand.
I turn it on and see, on the screen that it's already 3:00 in the afternoon.
Shit. We need to go to the dorm rooms.
I promised Ezra I was going to help him settle in and everything and right now I'm just being inconsiderate.
Alright, I, seriously need to hurry.
I sit on the edge of the bed and go through all my notifications quickly, only attending to the important ones.
Shit, Josh called me three times.
And my mother texted me.
I open the text from my mom and answer that one hastily.
You alive? Haven't heard from you in a few days. What's going on?
My mom sounds like she may be concerned. God, I've been so caught up in Matt and I's relationship as well as my course load, that I haven't been keeping up with my friends and family.
Hi mommy! Sorry for not texting or calling, I've just been really loaded up with work, and am in the process of finding a job. I miss you and Jupiter! I haven't been getting a lot of sleep because of school but I love it here! It's so fun and exciting and I love the responsibilities. Miss you!
I press send, laughing a bunch at the "Miss you!" part.
I love my mom but she's hell to live with. Of course, that's a conversation for another day. Long story short, I'm happy, no, thrilled to be away at college.
Doesn't mean I don't I love her, heaps.
I grab my dress and moisturizer off of the bed and walk into the bathroom while dialing Josh's number.
I close the door behind me and set the container of moisturizer on the counter, as well as my phone.
I pull my dress over my head hastily, listening to the rings.
Josh picks up on the fourth ring.
I brush my flyaway out of my face and pick up the phone.
"Josh!" I say excitedly.
"Hey! Novah! What's up?"
"I've just been so busy with school that I forgot to call you and I missed yours. I've been tired as well. How have you been? What's going on? Met any girls?"
Josh sighs happily. "Slow down, Nov," He chuckles, "I've been really busy as well. I have met some girls but none of them....really.....spiked my interest...."
I put the phone on speaker and place it on the counter.
"I love my classes. Its a lot, though. A lot of extra work and time. I love the classes, although the campus and stuff aren't what I expected," Josh continues.
"What do you mean?"
I open the jar of moisturizer and scoop a little out with my fingers, rubbing it into my face.
"Well, I'd rather be closer to you and I don't like the people here. They're kind of cold and unfriendly and the campus is quite small so there aren't many people to meet and not too much diversity,"
"Oh, shit. Well, I mean, can you transfer?"
"I mean, probably but it'll be a lot to deal with, flying cross-country and transferring schools and everything. You know?"
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that. I miss you a bunch though,"
"Yeah.....me too. But I have to go to the library to finish a project. Call you soon, though,"
"Okay! Love you, Josh,"
"Mhmm, love you too, bye,"
"Byeee....."
He hangs up and I smile at the phone.
Josh is the sweetest. I miss him so much. I feel kind of guilty about lying to him, though. I haven't told him about any of the major things that have happened to me.
I promise, I will when I get time.
I walk out of the bathroom and slab some deodorant on under my arms.
I throw my phone on the bed and rummage around in my bag for my perfume.
I find it and spritz it on quickly.
I grab my comb out my hair before gelling down all my flyaway and frizz before tying it back into the low bun.
I gel down the baby hairs, prettily, simplistically.
I fish my hand down to the bottom of my bag and grab my gold hoops.
I hook them through both ears and gather all my belongings into my arms, dumping them into my bag.
I grab my purse off of the bed and pick my phone up, placing it inside the pocket on the side of my purse.
I carry my purse and bag and walk out into the living room.
"Matt," I call out.
No answer.
I drop my stuff onto the couch and walk down the hall.
"Matt,"
I open the door to the guest room. Empty.
The storage room. Empty.
"Matt!" I call out louder.
I knock on the guest bathroom door.
"Matt, are you in there?"
No reply.
Where the hell is he?
I feel that hollowness in my stomach as the thought of my dad runs through my mind.
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