Chapter twenty
Matt
I watch my baby sleep, thinking of what she'll do when she wakes up. She fell asleep, crying, in my arms.
I know I snapped on her and it really hurt her feelings. I just don't know how to deal with my feelings and ironically I'm a very emotional person.
I didn't feel like I deserved to sleep with her so I'm sitting down on the edge of Skylar's bed.
Both Skylar and Jon tried to come in here but I shooed them away hours ago.
I've just been sitting here for hours watching Novah sleep, as creepy as that sounds. Its dark outside now and there was no way I was gonna go sleep in my car in the forest again. Not that I mind I just really want to be close to Novah.
I can't have her here alone to her own devices. Or worst.......Jon or Skylar.
This weekend was an exception cause I knew she needed space and I was.....very scattered at the time, emotionally.
All weekend I've been trying to get my mind off of Novah by drinking, smoking, and cutting.
I actually thought I could stay away from Novah!
I actually thought that Novah and I were finished.
Huh.
As if I'll ever let that happen.
I don't even know what to do or what to say when she wakes up. I basically forced her to stay in this room with me to buy myself some time.
But I'm fucking clueless as to what I should say. I would call Jon but I really don't want to talk to him....ever. Not after al the shit, he's done.
He's just gonna lecture me about everything I shouldn't be doing or saying.
Dios mío, cierra la boca por una vez.294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXrKdOnTNG
Hopefully, he hasn't told my parents about certain habits I have reacquired recently...
I'm sitting here on the edge of the bed like a loser with my head in my hands. I haven't slept in at least twenty-four hours.
It wouldn't hurt to just get some sleep. Sleeping next to Novah is so comforting. I just want to feel her.
Fuck it.
I tiptoe across the room to Novah's bed and wiggle in next to her, careful not to touch her in case she wakes up and curses me out as I deserve.
I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes, not making any contact with her body, like I want to. She turns over and cuddles her head on my chest. I smile.
I kiss her forehead lightly and wrap my arms around her.
This is my favorite thing in the world to do. Cuddle with her. I mean there are other things I love doing with her......
She smiles in her sleep and I swear I almost start crying, in relief.
God, I can't stress enough how much I love Novah.
"Matt, I'm cold," Novah mutters. I wrap the blanket around her and scoot closer to warm her up with my body heat.
"Love you, baby,"
She doesn't say anything.
I squint at her face. Her eyes are closed and she is breathing heavily.
I guess she's asleep.
Either that or she doesn't love my dumb ass.
Probably the latter.
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