又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAp51TW8kGLH
739Please respect copyright.PENANA73ZtQapZqD
「…係?」我回答。739Please respect copyright.PENANAUV2KmZBrbr
739Please respect copyright.PENANAtOWf5wXDP8
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」739Please respect copyright.PENANAcYHeYYNRjJ
739Please respect copyright.PENANAJvRHYbn0iQ
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…739Please respect copyright.PENANA0fbB0gsG5s
739Please respect copyright.PENANAiljOKLmKg0
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。739Please respect copyright.PENANAuMUzgjasMh
739Please respect copyright.PENANAbCVlX6MG99
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」739Please respect copyright.PENANA0WwSwmwoy9
739Please respect copyright.PENANAEjcr2YIMG8
我等著她最後那句。739Please respect copyright.PENANApnBtfudDyF
739Please respect copyright.PENANASH33i8RhXY
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。739Please respect copyright.PENANAQnOugLp60Y
739Please respect copyright.PENANAgyWxsdNbwS
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。739Please respect copyright.PENANABeDofVt7MD
739Please respect copyright.PENANAB4hwTRQQR2
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAgeJvjraYuv
739Please respect copyright.PENANA1jh9KK0X19
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」739Please respect copyright.PENANAjJcIR4TUnC
739Please respect copyright.PENANA3zI1wTSq3u
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。739Please respect copyright.PENANAeko5bhhnTr
739Please respect copyright.PENANASx2MtX7cSi
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。739Please respect copyright.PENANAcJRsNT3PaD
739Please respect copyright.PENANAmrDdFl5Jm4
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAOs5fkp1oJW
739Please respect copyright.PENANAZIOijDpzjv
「咁…」739Please respect copyright.PENANA68yqxYUlld
739Please respect copyright.PENANABMPj9r4k3h
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。739Please respect copyright.PENANAPjGdBnpG6m
739Please respect copyright.PENANAPdiHzshqvE
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAB3cBBg8iwv
739Please respect copyright.PENANAvxhhBG8D1M
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。739Please respect copyright.PENANAySEkQpq7JZ
739Please respect copyright.PENANAEvKRK6OK3X
「嗯,你講過。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAUfyq3MmcZ5
739Please respect copyright.PENANAZktFWhA4b1
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」739Please respect copyright.PENANA71sESbx1HP
739Please respect copyright.PENANAizksMkPDus
「咪笑我啦。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAckhnCLrYBs
739Please respect copyright.PENANAD0SgC9SBqS
她笑了。739Please respect copyright.PENANALUToFuRETf
739Please respect copyright.PENANADQV8eqVzGp
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAITSwMSECcV
739Please respect copyright.PENANAsxZHbUOFT2
「係好夢定惡夢?」739Please respect copyright.PENANAey2AInD8Ju
739Please respect copyright.PENANAZhrveyvwUf
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」739Please respect copyright.PENANALBDt3BaExn
739Please respect copyright.PENANATitRdunNud
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。739Please respect copyright.PENANAMLVhWPHR7u
739Please respect copyright.PENANASjBfBja2P7
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」739Please respect copyright.PENANA732z92xC7z
739Please respect copyright.PENANAno1Se77J04
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。739Please respect copyright.PENANA6eZ07DrYdZ
739Please respect copyright.PENANACgalOang00
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。739Please respect copyright.PENANABC2t3vwmOF
739Please respect copyright.PENANAAQngsIRDm7
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。739Please respect copyright.PENANAn7LSiOJ2AQ
739Please respect copyright.PENANAgitnx3Z1aL
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。739Please respect copyright.PENANAq1UuMewx2a
739Please respect copyright.PENANApHHEFUmFCp
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」739Please respect copyright.PENANA9M7gPp2l2G
739Please respect copyright.PENANAggUpREzrx0
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。739Please respect copyright.PENANAohagoiQBM3
739Please respect copyright.PENANAp5Zg7IYfgG
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」739Please respect copyright.PENANASQC0l6Zt0z
739Please respect copyright.PENANAEUmwJSSRtT
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。739Please respect copyright.PENANAsA8zKBZS44
739Please respect copyright.PENANAnWc2RaFDj9
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。739Please respect copyright.PENANA8a5iG540A7
739Please respect copyright.PENANAEbvIiYeBvQ
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。739Please respect copyright.PENANAfImpGNmIy5
739Please respect copyright.PENANAZdBjj20Dx7
萬物的崩潰。739Please respect copyright.PENANAbXxQirOHH9
739Please respect copyright.PENANAheWGbiuDTN
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」739Please respect copyright.PENANA60YgfDmk86
739Please respect copyright.PENANA0lWiEBwpuz
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAJkmWAFBMkh
739Please respect copyright.PENANAbvw4b5BCaH
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。739Please respect copyright.PENANASp14ZQ9Sto
739Please respect copyright.PENANA94XzqY6ENG
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。739Please respect copyright.PENANAaoH46IAjFY
739Please respect copyright.PENANAAeeeTtgqtz
愛的反面不是憎恨。739Please respect copyright.PENANALGH1L9uPNN
739Please respect copyright.PENANA6AHkqSO86v
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。739Please respect copyright.PENANA0sTelckGFP
739Please respect copyright.PENANAC686oql4cJ
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。739Please respect copyright.PENANAxSxfHrtYpk
739Please respect copyright.PENANAAy64CuJ8ev
這光景,我看過。739Please respect copyright.PENANAWG96gkR6D2
739Please respect copyright.PENANAOks06WQsfB
我在曾經的自己身上看過。739Please respect copyright.PENANAypsIDgYiU2
739Please respect copyright.PENANAe7bzc4lL5L
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAjr1apAl6aw
739Please respect copyright.PENANAHKYVYrei7m
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAVvH9KHEXSL
739Please respect copyright.PENANAq1eVFXE2Lc
「無可能。」我搖頭。739Please respect copyright.PENANA0AufbNtVUa
739Please respect copyright.PENANA5RuwZ1tBWs
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。739Please respect copyright.PENANA2R2XszJ30a
739Please respect copyright.PENANAzPXQBhPAWN
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAFmhUsPpwg1
739Please respect copyright.PENANAOCOCZHOzQE
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAQVOm6xJrLZ
739Please respect copyright.PENANAt6hMjQB27E
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。739Please respect copyright.PENANAzYGAHW6lGK
739Please respect copyright.PENANAQaERoFd5bH
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。739Please respect copyright.PENANAHXEUuIuuoi
739Please respect copyright.PENANAWRQqy2Qt5W
甚麼也再沒需要了。739Please respect copyright.PENANAHiqPs1weyO
739Please respect copyright.PENANAkZOueOjpwB
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。739Please respect copyright.PENANAJ3gLvhi8Q1
739Please respect copyright.PENANAMsAlswLkak
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。739Please respect copyright.PENANAReRaaVi3ZG
739Please respect copyright.PENANAHzPQbzWyvN
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。739Please respect copyright.PENANAtFXSiXxrip
739Please respect copyright.PENANAEP0gtfzU1i
話畢。739Please respect copyright.PENANAiJBzJ3CqI7
739Please respect copyright.PENANA8LKrq8FmAX
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAPvdHVjCfSy
739Please respect copyright.PENANAj97J9ou05G
「你想既,幾時都可以。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAtJouXoSkJf
739Please respect copyright.PENANAUMUj8layH9
她沉默了片刻。739Please respect copyright.PENANA2OLkeMnPPs
739Please respect copyright.PENANAub9Abj8H65
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。739Please respect copyright.PENANArDBC1xjae1
739Please respect copyright.PENANAGoW1CttIPM
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」739Please respect copyright.PENANACVlTmv21kt
739Please respect copyright.PENANAqiWGdLNGUZ
「無興趣。」她微笑說。739Please respect copyright.PENANAWHMUYXrBCl
739Please respect copyright.PENANAkfJJGO8DS3
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。739Please respect copyright.PENANATZgUy9TqK7
739Please respect copyright.PENANAz9O8wxPuod
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」739Please respect copyright.PENANAmtl7nsEXHE
739Please respect copyright.PENANAnwb97qRZWO
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」739Please respect copyright.PENANASK79LHEwPD
739Please respect copyright.PENANAG4DXyKkVfU
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。739Please respect copyright.PENANA3VA9Cr9UXT
739Please respect copyright.PENANAaIhapKHhFt
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」739Please respect copyright.PENANA7yIboabutU
739Please respect copyright.PENANA2hNRAl1CB0
「連你都咁講,嗚…」739Please respect copyright.PENANAP3ZdRB6ydw
739Please respect copyright.PENANA6wxbpDL4MX
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。739Please respect copyright.PENANAjhiOeq3XhO
739Please respect copyright.PENANA7ebGSvUEgr
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。739Please respect copyright.PENANAFW4BvG8N6q
739Please respect copyright.PENANANMlm6FsoBG
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。739Please respect copyright.PENANArzLuep8vGu
739Please respect copyright.PENANA08bRDctZih
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。739Please respect copyright.PENANAMwQUFdOmHt
739Please respect copyright.PENANAjnwSmj7xFZ
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。739Please respect copyright.PENANAq1GXpI48P9
739Please respect copyright.PENANAGzg7eBYKDr
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」739Please respect copyright.PENANATVfsKdcDrB
739Please respect copyright.PENANAg9C9vjg2ZI
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。739Please respect copyright.PENANAcO1LKg5w8G
739Please respect copyright.PENANAFMGIZ2Nryn
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。739Please respect copyright.PENANA3eLBQxkQxY
739Please respect copyright.PENANA1qEd3v9bf0
「……」739Please respect copyright.PENANAAak7z8n7sV
739Please respect copyright.PENANAGiioeX3tWt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。739Please respect copyright.PENANAB3tgSa6K9J
739Please respect copyright.PENANApB4IPK6JJh
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。739Please respect copyright.PENANAKPA1mtFiw8
739Please respect copyright.PENANAcSi9ULWYOb
夏天,也到尾聲了。739Please respect copyright.PENANAXnkLQV43aJ