但現實是這樣又如何?745Please respect copyright.PENANADTczZcLjKv
745Please respect copyright.PENANAs3V8vJOuL8
沒法理解,沒法接受。745Please respect copyright.PENANA51WRqQCt7p
745Please respect copyright.PENANAjbukbF4sUg
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。745Please respect copyright.PENANAHe2XvQ9nB7
745Please respect copyright.PENANAuN7DJFJe9l
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。745Please respect copyright.PENANAdlLlCGO52e
745Please respect copyright.PENANA1y9RcrRxGp
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。745Please respect copyright.PENANAeK4Ciu0xM7
745Please respect copyright.PENANADYWzzfSpW0
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。745Please respect copyright.PENANA6SHMTqG83w
745Please respect copyright.PENANAVr9nYQhYgE
現在卻。745Please respect copyright.PENANAV0edey9nfi
745Please respect copyright.PENANAYLMU4Lnqr7
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。745Please respect copyright.PENANAEEZB6hQsGH
745Please respect copyright.PENANA7pVFRN2nEL
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。745Please respect copyright.PENANA9HG2Zf6qvw
745Please respect copyright.PENANA3hwDOa8SkZ
因為我的童年…745Please respect copyright.PENANA3Jxp3VwJKE
745Please respect copyright.PENANAmYxKW37PYW
…真真正正的,結束了。745Please respect copyright.PENANAsqe7EmEVOH
745Please respect copyright.PENANADIFQHFJjHc
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAHRf8N8ZoAI
745Please respect copyright.PENANA466W37zPX9
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?745Please respect copyright.PENANAOWxdB9NbHQ
745Please respect copyright.PENANAxdbe8fOlbC
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。745Please respect copyright.PENANAxqspGYaCHy
745Please respect copyright.PENANAuwYseaWAED
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。745Please respect copyright.PENANAVVcJ2oVhKq
745Please respect copyright.PENANAhTBdnnyEbI
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。745Please respect copyright.PENANAryRfefyAwq
745Please respect copyright.PENANAr8Dxh6vVIq
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。745Please respect copyright.PENANATThgqrCBl6
745Please respect copyright.PENANAhnXXeRkjjI
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。745Please respect copyright.PENANAZiG0J2YwYe
745Please respect copyright.PENANAxQ0QaTK8xr
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。745Please respect copyright.PENANAZfO9IFSr9b
745Please respect copyright.PENANAcNe5McJY4S
愛慕她的好。745Please respect copyright.PENANAMSuEHFjxPT
745Please respect copyright.PENANAGlfXxaZTB5
便要接受她的壞。745Please respect copyright.PENANAIfyjdPvbKW
745Please respect copyright.PENANAeq4zZltddT
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。745Please respect copyright.PENANAC0417JxQ16
745Please respect copyright.PENANAhMItueo6NN
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。745Please respect copyright.PENANA2ckq2LgeV7
745Please respect copyright.PENANAVxo6S05uDW
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。745Please respect copyright.PENANA90yafqJmoH
745Please respect copyright.PENANADRHKPGbOqC
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。745Please respect copyright.PENANA51SqYRDyMM
745Please respect copyright.PENANAr6IPb8Cnaa
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。745Please respect copyright.PENANAb1EXQ8Fkso
745Please respect copyright.PENANAOW63o1Tmdt
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。745Please respect copyright.PENANAHDqEBRj5x5
745Please respect copyright.PENANAxt5RVCAqnt
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」745Please respect copyright.PENANA8f4XbhtRRe
745Please respect copyright.PENANAxGiNmdbplp
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。745Please respect copyright.PENANApyeqE29Dir
745Please respect copyright.PENANAO3xmQbntWX
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」745Please respect copyright.PENANAnBPrHdJez7
745Please respect copyright.PENANAlhPEuyCuSt
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。745Please respect copyright.PENANA2NEbUgv6NI
745Please respect copyright.PENANAxa9tkhXVWU
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」745Please respect copyright.PENANAjBtiQhxsnH
745Please respect copyright.PENANAlH4wTuzkdt
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。745Please respect copyright.PENANABWgxVjOlNv
745Please respect copyright.PENANA53St3uEk1o
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAI1Z7nZm6Wv
745Please respect copyright.PENANARZzmvjbt24
然後,我推開了她。745Please respect copyright.PENANAVvn2fgRCDp
745Please respect copyright.PENANAm05XHLs2hL
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。745Please respect copyright.PENANA9FFlzavLZQ
745Please respect copyright.PENANAHGcBlxh09F
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。745Please respect copyright.PENANAP9KdJ1oOMH
745Please respect copyright.PENANAmuP9FEmWUg
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAeg6YCCNIlO
745Please respect copyright.PENANAA6xfrhdS84
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。745Please respect copyright.PENANAj9AAE4NLdj
745Please respect copyright.PENANAwH29P6UfxH
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。745Please respect copyright.PENANAtFSo0v0eh1
745Please respect copyright.PENANAz3d5XIv4vR
「係…?」745Please respect copyright.PENANA6wLnkKEav8
745Please respect copyright.PENANAtnduFchJ3W
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。745Please respect copyright.PENANAOOoELQrFyl
745Please respect copyright.PENANAB7oD67p3U5
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。745Please respect copyright.PENANAnWnNo82cce
745Please respect copyright.PENANALDWJFqYGgf
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。745Please respect copyright.PENANAQ9FEwQg7v6
745Please respect copyright.PENANAyzuPHXALYt
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」745Please respect copyright.PENANAE2safRoPih
745Please respect copyright.PENANA0QoytvRHgw
「我先唔係。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAq5o6WAkso2
745Please respect copyright.PENANArxPMSihSIB
我早就不是甚麼好人。745Please respect copyright.PENANAnjxaCmIshp
745Please respect copyright.PENANAhBd0xbuK5h
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。745Please respect copyright.PENANACf3UucFYe5
745Please respect copyright.PENANAfcSbhU8h9H
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。745Please respect copyright.PENANAeX9v34oHY9
745Please respect copyright.PENANAhrGh3aOz8U
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」745Please respect copyright.PENANA2BLP1bjeDH
745Please respect copyright.PENANAG12ENXz5Mk
「……」745Please respect copyright.PENANAzu1q8SWlrC
745Please respect copyright.PENANAW5oIiaSn45
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。745Please respect copyright.PENANAN8fluaYA5A
745Please respect copyright.PENANA2Y9vdayj9B
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。745Please respect copyright.PENANAI2yPbpe1DN
745Please respect copyright.PENANAWnVdTsHFPu
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。745Please respect copyright.PENANA0leRgRqDgc
745Please respect copyright.PENANAGVdDubdHcV
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。745Please respect copyright.PENANAZLhCGUO7yd
745Please respect copyright.PENANAoKVeOgEZMN
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。745Please respect copyright.PENANAK6lEP76q4h
745Please respect copyright.PENANAbD2m4faQ0y
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。745Please respect copyright.PENANABEeUpFB8n5
745Please respect copyright.PENANACjxIvyKo3A
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。745Please respect copyright.PENANAp3kt7caDKy
745Please respect copyright.PENANAgE5lzTXdrL
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。745Please respect copyright.PENANACDfUp3zfmg
745Please respect copyright.PENANADbG3eetPQa
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAjJoxOZfa5g
745Please respect copyright.PENANAFUxaBZGCEJ
「呀遊…」745Please respect copyright.PENANAqSXsoePPQs
745Please respect copyright.PENANACF3B6aJt13
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAxW8tMmZuht
745Please respect copyright.PENANADeU32t0LKL
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。745Please respect copyright.PENANAjJStEuMzkx
745Please respect copyright.PENANAAXRL57MZky
做不到。745Please respect copyright.PENANAZJ950eurcz
745Please respect copyright.PENANAF2QsIsiHFV
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。745Please respect copyright.PENANAuo1XzqR1SD
745Please respect copyright.PENANAk95VsBhpDh
做不到。745Please respect copyright.PENANAkPhvqJvzrg
745Please respect copyright.PENANA6nJg4SDMjt
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。745Please respect copyright.PENANADqrd0oDB6l
745Please respect copyright.PENANAENMIPs4CQE
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。745Please respect copyright.PENANAOmzuIBpepd
745Please respect copyright.PENANAj1rY0HebPS
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。745Please respect copyright.PENANAA8QWABxUE3
745Please respect copyright.PENANAcLbljU8UYO
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。745Please respect copyright.PENANAczTdCkdtyG
745Please respect copyright.PENANA3Uoe4HAKKF
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。745Please respect copyright.PENANAAvNd0QxFNO
745Please respect copyright.PENANAGKv75rsYqo
既,沒法坦白。745Please respect copyright.PENANAhx8I3AFJVI
745Please respect copyright.PENANAsXmvsjKcLA
又,沒法斥責。745Please respect copyright.PENANAX6WRFUa2cy
745Please respect copyright.PENANANYwnXK9T95
既,沒法接受。745Please respect copyright.PENANADYemo66Jh7
745Please respect copyright.PENANAeRuTCuVrwT
也,沒法忘記。745Please respect copyright.PENANAt8xE2jqW8Q
745Please respect copyright.PENANAPeRLnATBG4
而且…也沒法理解。745Please respect copyright.PENANAY7iHgQlR2R
745Please respect copyright.PENANARxCYPcPPxR
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。745Please respect copyright.PENANALlBEDvhOgO
745Please respect copyright.PENANANVO2QGv4bq
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。745Please respect copyright.PENANAJxrL1HYV9d
745Please respect copyright.PENANA5oAamlDk0M
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。745Please respect copyright.PENANAdDIGIx6KtH
745Please respect copyright.PENANA2wo9d1YS9m
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAz01Gs5AotG
745Please respect copyright.PENANAOAFKoBpOpE
「……」745Please respect copyright.PENANATCtnfWpkLd
745Please respect copyright.PENANAnENGGoZ7XP
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」745Please respect copyright.PENANA04YeivoVss
745Please respect copyright.PENANAHa7p3A5fWT
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。745Please respect copyright.PENANA7msI0brKEM
745Please respect copyright.PENANA1RbuF8jjJP
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。745Please respect copyright.PENANA2fyPxams6E
745Please respect copyright.PENANAifATQJjcMI
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。745Please respect copyright.PENANA31ODPnT4nP
745Please respect copyright.PENANAX67y1x9ffS
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAY1OkoWgegL
745Please respect copyright.PENANAvx2xtsR7K9
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」745Please respect copyright.PENANAN2b6ZYHB98
745Please respect copyright.PENANAsQctPRhiuj
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。745Please respect copyright.PENANAwO5XgursjZ
745Please respect copyright.PENANAEJMth7DvPf
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。745Please respect copyright.PENANAa71EHiAfDV
745Please respect copyright.PENANAne5LQyg6gG
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。745Please respect copyright.PENANAOmJP5ofen4
745Please respect copyright.PENANA6z29VkbuAz
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。745Please respect copyright.PENANARu6Hczb4SQ
745Please respect copyright.PENANAHkMT6saQSu
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。745Please respect copyright.PENANAUSwFlOW2ys
745Please respect copyright.PENANAkPnpkKcYdC
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」745Please respect copyright.PENANADx52gdJ1HS
745Please respect copyright.PENANAT9n5k5k842
咦?745Please respect copyright.PENANAkBGLhQmRzl
745Please respect copyright.PENANAuzZEK4nPdJ
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。745Please respect copyright.PENANAGu0j1gzLdp
745Please respect copyright.PENANAl7jC1AQBZn
「接受與否」,是我的想法。745Please respect copyright.PENANAApyLz45noq
745Please respect copyright.PENANAYuWK9jX25v
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。745Please respect copyright.PENANA5OV0OUFrXP
745Please respect copyright.PENANAzH1Icv11Gb
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。745Please respect copyright.PENANArauMsi70og
745Please respect copyright.PENANAP66W4LBWSv
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。745Please respect copyright.PENANASbesLWpTIa
745Please respect copyright.PENANAzKuco1ALQn
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。745Please respect copyright.PENANA3hAm2x5aui
745Please respect copyright.PENANApzyT9ehm68
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。745Please respect copyright.PENANA8MF6LJ8FqD
745Please respect copyright.PENANApvzQ6BmbpH
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…745Please respect copyright.PENANAKawRyNWVuB
745Please respect copyright.PENANAO4oYX3fKCU
…我真的不想。745Please respect copyright.PENANA12GHZSMuZs
745Please respect copyright.PENANAohxJIyFOdx
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。745Please respect copyright.PENANATbRdf5P6lX
745Please respect copyright.PENANADmebGZOz7V
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。745Please respect copyright.PENANAOZNgCwfIZ9
745Please respect copyright.PENANA4hjSgqURbw
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。745Please respect copyright.PENANAVcAwZpMGku
745Please respect copyright.PENANA68Jsn5trmG
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。745Please respect copyright.PENANAtB2l0kvDyc
745Please respect copyright.PENANAi068ayf7tS
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。745Please respect copyright.PENANANBqrOFpe5x
745Please respect copyright.PENANAn5odUbAiOP
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。