5/8/19127Please respect copyright.PENANAWyUVcdg659
127Please respect copyright.PENANA9XtGRbLvhq
I thought I performed as shitty as usual until Scott told me to stop and have a quick break because my mind is too busy. I think he's a psychic because he just knows that I'm really bothered by something that is why he was able to sympathies with my situation like last time. Anyway, I really didn't talk about it so he told me that I have to go because were getting nowhere.. then I just spilled. I don't know why really but I think I could trust Scott about these things and people said that talking it out really works so I just released it and hoped for the best. As expected, Scott was such a good listener and he didn't gave any advise because he is just not that person; and that is what I really needed right now. We ended with a hug and I promised him that I will dance properly tomorrow but that won't happened because he said that he has a date. The best thing to do in this scenario is to nod and not to ask WITH WHO but apparently I did so Scott told me that he's almost back with his EX; he just has to make sure that his lover won't make the same mistake. Like a sane person, I did not let curiosity bite me in the ass and I just packed my stuff and went back to the dorm quietly.127Please respect copyright.PENANATsg8c0ShlW
5/10/19127Please respect copyright.PENANAcJAoMQu8Zz
FUCK RAYMOND! I was just tryin my best to finish an essay so that I won't have to be bothered by it on Saturday but he broke into my room while my roommate was there! He even broke the wall because he slammed it that much and of course, the knob was dented beyond recognition like HE SHOULD PAY FOR THAT! And it did not end there, he did not arrive to say somethin exciting like he found a really rare bird but he was there because he was MAD! He was mad because I told Eliot that he should join the Airforce and he is now very convinced to quit uni and just do that. I calmly admitted that I did that and I am happy for Eliot but he just landed a punch on my face like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?! By this moment, my roommate ran out of the room to save himself and I was happy that he wasn't able to see what happened next because me and Raymond tried to kill each other. I grabbed the lamp and slammed it on his head, he was hurt so he let me go but he got a thick book and he threw it with all his might on my back, so that almost crippled me but I found a shoe under the bed and I threw that on his crotch- it was actually a lucky shot because I just could not focus while in shit loads of pain. That made him kneel and it made us both silent for about three minutes before I managed to get up and grab my knife in the drawers and I was so ready to stab this mutherfacker to death but he looked at me with such expression that I have never seen before, and he also cried. I don't know what happened between him and Eliot but this man is hurt. So like I always do, I suddenly forget about my anger. I threw the knife back in the drawer and used my blanket to wipe his ugly ass face- seriously, this guy just fell from grace and I can't believe I once found him attractive. Anyway, the point here is that I always feel sorry when they cry though they did hurt me. I even hugged him with all the force left in by body before I asked why he was mad at me. He was silent for a minute before he told me that he has liked Eliot even since they were kids and he thinks that their relationship was getting there though the gf around but I ruined it.. because he will go no matter what.. because Eliot adores me more than anything else. I could not believe my ears so I repeatedly told him that that is a lie but he was just wailin. He thinks that the gf was just a front to see if I get jealous but I didn't react so Eliot thought it's hopeless. Then I made the situation so much worse because I pushed Eliot further away by making him leave uni and really just stayin on the friend zone; but deep inside, I am really in loved with him. He said that I should stop the bs because it was painfully obvious.. and he could have accepted that he would loose Eliot because he found a good guy that really makes him happy but I screwed everythin like a nasty bitch! True, maybe. But I kept lying and acting; I told Raymond that that it's just all in his head and that is just somethin he wants to believe because I suddenly inserted myself in their complicated relationship. I was able to state these without shaking because I am not good with displaying my true. Basically, I don't want to be like my mom. I apologized and told him that I was just being nice and that does not equal to being gay.. like I was as sweet to him right? But Raymond does not believe me and he kept asking why.. why am I doing this? To Eliot, to him, to myself, why am I keeping all these feelings in a notebook? Well, because, I simply don't deserve nice things as you can see. So, Raymond wasn't able to get anything relevant towards the situation. He just got some bruises and a broken heart when he left my room. The dorm president arrived a few sighs later and he definitely asked what happened but I just told him that we were acting some lines in Othello but it got out of hand.127Please respect copyright.PENANAd9DubebpOf